evam Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Pretty straight forward, have you ever had your feelings changed for you significant other in a happy and healthy relationship?
TMifune Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Pretty straight forward, have you ever fallen out of love or your feelings changed for you significant other in a perfectly healthy relationship? Can you rephrase the question? It feels like you've framed this question to get the answer that you want. If it's a perfectly healthy relationship I don't think that happens. "Falling out of love" is a sign of dysfunction in one or both partners. Typically I believe it's a failure in the person who claims to have fallen out of love.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Can you rephrase the question? It feels like you've framed this question to get the answer that you want. If it's a perfectly healthy relationship I don't think that happens. "Falling out of love" is a sign of dysfunction in one or both partners. Typically I believe it's a failure in the person who claims to have fallen out of love. You are right, I changed my question.
j.man Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Well, "happy" and "healthy" aren't always mutually inclusive. There are plenty of relationships where nothing is necessarily wrong, but love fades away. People change. Sometimes an individual in a relationship changes in ways that allow him or her to grow closer to their SO. Sometimes they change in ways that causes them to grow apart. I stayed in a relationship that, in the context of this thread, I'll refer to as an "unhappy but healthy" relationship for nearly a year after I knew I'd fallen out. It was the first time I had to distinguish between simply being out of the honeymoon phase and being incompatible. She hadn't changed in any way, really. She wasn't dramatic, abusive, or otherwise harmful in any way. She treated me with respect. She wasn't needy or clingy. I just didn't love her anymore. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you don't love them anymore. It's not necessarily a reflection of fault or unhealthiness. It just is what it is.
TMifune Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Well, "happy" and "healthy" aren't always mutually inclusive. There are plenty of relationships where nothing is necessarily wrong, but love fades away. People change. Sometimes an individual in a relationship changes in ways that allow him or her to grow closer to their SO. Sometimes they change in ways that causes them to grow apart. I stayed in a relationship that, in the context of this thread, I'll refer to as an "unhappy but healthy" relationship for nearly a year after I knew I'd fallen out. It was the first time I had to distinguish between simply being out of the honeymoon phase and being incompatible. She hadn't changed in any way, really. She wasn't dramatic, abusive, or otherwise harmful in any way. She treated me with respect. She wasn't needy or clingy. I just didn't love her anymore. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you don't love them anymore. It's not necessarily a reflection of fault or unhealthiness. It just is what it is. That's some impressive responsibility dodging.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Well, "happy" and "healthy" aren't always mutually inclusive. There are plenty of relationships where nothing is necessarily wrong, but love fades away. People change. Sometimes an individual in a relationship changes in ways that allow him or her to grow closer to their SO. Sometimes they change in ways that causes them to grow apart. I stayed in a relationship that, in the context of this thread, I'll refer to as an "unhappy but healthy" relationship for nearly a year after I knew I'd fallen out. It was the first time I had to distinguish between simply being out of the honeymoon phase and being incompatible. She hadn't changed in any way, really. She wasn't dramatic, abusive, or otherwise harmful in any way. She treated me with respect. She wasn't needy or clingy. I just didn't love her anymore. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you don't love them anymore. It's not necessarily a reflection of fault or unhealthiness. It just is what it is. Would you say that you mistaken ''falling in love'' with the infatuation stage/honeymoon phase? In other words, you thought it was the true love, but you only liked her a lot?
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 It just is what it is. This is what bothers me. It leaves the person on the other end completely confused. I know it's human nature but situations like that are sad nonetheless.
j.man Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 That's some impressive responsibility dodging.Dodging what responsibility?
j.man Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Would you say that you mistaken ''falling in love'' with the infatuation stage/honeymoon phase? In other words, you thought it was the true love, but you only liked her a lot?I'd say that's it exactly. I was 22 and it was my first long-term relationship. I'd confide in people and was told that if nothing was wrong, that I should wait, and I should wait, and I should wait. I was given "the grass isn't always greener" speech dozens of times and was educated about the "honey moon phase" more times than I could count. Looking back and having now felt both what it feels like to simply fall out of love and how it feels to love someone after the honeymoon phase, I know what I was feeling back then and I'd have definitely called it off much, much sooner so that she didn't hurt near as much.
Liefde Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 This could happen if their is limited or no communication in a relationship, which means one think all is well but in truth both are drifting away to a point where one think it is not worth it anymore.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I'd say that's it exactly. I was 22 and it was my first long-term relationship. I'd confide in people and was told that if nothing was wrong, then I should wait, and I should wait, and I should wait. I was given "the grass isn't always greener" speech dozens of times and was educated about the "honey moon phase" more times than I could count. Looking back and having now felt both what it feels like to simply fall out of love and how it feels to love someone after the honeymoon phase, I know what I was feeling back then and I'd have definitely called it off much, much sooner so that she didn't hurt near as much. Do you think that something else triggered it? You said your feelings changed but did something in particular pushed it to the edge?
j.man Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Do you think that something else triggered it? You said your feelings changed but did something in particular pushed it to the edge?Not really, no. At least not beyond the moment I realized I wasn't in love anymore. Maybe I subconsciously noticed something that triggered it, but I honestly couldn't tell you.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Not really, no. At least not beyond the moment I realized I wasn't in love anymore. Maybe I subconsciously noticed something that triggered it, but I honestly couldn't tell you. How long was that relationship? and do you have any ill feelings towards her now? Sucks that you are feeling something different internally but you don't know what is causing it. I think my ex was in the same situation....couldn't really say what caused it and he couldn't say that he didn't love me.
Helpexpressme Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Who knows really. Did your ex meet someone else?
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Who knows really. Did your ex meet someone else? No he hasn't.
Helpexpressme Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 So in your opinion, why do you think your ex fell out of love?
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 So in your opinion, why do you think your ex fell out of love? Like I said to j.man, I personally think he thought it was true love at the beginning of the relationship but it turned out to only be infatuation that couldn't be sustained in the long term. However, what confuses me is how the relationship was going to reach 3 years... I would hope that people would know within a year or so...but it was his first long term relationship so I guess he didn't have experience with his conflicted feelings and the relationship was healthy.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 That is my theory but I want to get other people's input like j.man, instead of asking my ex
Edmund Exley Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Unfortunately, there really is no answer here. Only he knows the truth.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 This could happen if their is limited or no communication in a relationship, which means one think all is well but in truth both are drifting away to a point where one think it is not worth it anymore. Well because my boyfriend had conflicted feelings he kept it to himself and it dragged out for months without me knowing until the last 2-3 weeks before the BU. But I have noticed that my boyfriend tends to keep things to himself when it makes him uncomfortable, rather it be with his best friends, family or me. I'm someone who likes to communicate but with touchy subjects it's hard for him.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Unfortunately, there really is no answer here. Only he knows the truth. See it's so confusing to me! For now I will let it be. Maybe in the future he will come up with a clear answer but I have no choice but to move on. His excuses were ''feelings changed'', ''feeling distant'', ''you deserve someone who gives you what you are giving me back'' ''maybe I want something new I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way''....etc
Movingforward3 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Studies have shown depression to be a culprit in many relationship issues.
Mari Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 See it's so confusing to me! For now I will let it be. Maybe in the future he will come up with a clear answer but I have no choice but to move on. His excuses were ''feelings changed'', ''feeling distant'', ''you deserve someone who gives you what you are giving me back'' ''maybe I want something new I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way''....etc From what you're saying it sounds like he's past the honeymoon stage and he wants to try a relationship with someone else. This can happen if the other person is looking for the honeymoon phase to last forever, or if they found someone new that they can have it with, or if the couple has very little in common so they don't really do much that's enjoyable for both anyway.
evam Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 From what you're saying it sounds like he's past the honeymoon stage and he wants to try a relationship with someone else. This can happen if the other person is looking for the honeymoon phase to last forever, or if they found someone new that they can have it with, or if the couple has very little in common so they don't really do much that's enjoyable for both anyway. Like I said previously, there is no one else in the picture....and he has no interest in being in a relationship at the moment. He said he wants to be alone. Me and boyfriend had different but also similar interests but the way we viewed life in general, our future and our goals were the same. I still think that if something was not enjoyable for him we could have discussed it and come to a resolution. I don't think it's mature of someone to just walk out of your life without trying (unless if he never was in love with me to start with).
Heartsonfire12 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Like I said previously, there is no one else in the picture....and he has no interest in being in a relationship at the moment. He said he wants to be alone. Me and boyfriend had different but also similar interests but the way we viewed life in general, our future and our goals were the same. I still think that if something was not enjoyable for him we could have discussed it and come to a resolution. I don't think it's mature of someone to just walk out of your life without trying (unless if he never was in love with me to start with). I went through the same exact thing a few months ago. Told me he loved me but he lost the butterflies and this was as far as it could go. In doing research, I really think he was a sociopath. Sucked me in, had me hooked, and then decided he was over it once the challenge was gone. He also told me there was no one else...but i now know he has a FWB that has been going on for 2 months. We broke up just over 3 months ago. Not saying this is the case for you, but it just reminded me of my experience. There was no conversation about how to make it better. He just decided he was done and that was that. Just know that you deserve better. I struggle with this on a daily basis, but I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and everything works out as it should. I used to hope for reconciliation...now I just hope for happiness and self-fulfillment. If he's meant to come back, it will happen....just don't sit around waiting for him. Treat yourself like the prize you are, and don't settle for subpar behavior like I did. Wishing you well!
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