Maybe getting back together-

[Rob232]

Hey-I'm new to this y'all.

I've been with a girl for the past year. We are in love with..I'd marry her today if I could.

 

I ed up. I want to ask y'all what I can do to make things right, if anything. I'm afraid she won't want anything to do with me....Here's the story:

 

Megan and I were together for a year.

We have a mutual "friend" who had been sending me pictures of naked girls she was hooking up with (she's a lesbian). She would send me these pictures to show off that she was getting around. I didn't mind the pictures of course. But I didn't think much of it at the time-I didn't think it would hurt Megan too much that I was getting these pictures. But I knew I had to tell her. So I did. She was furious. This was 3 weeks ago.

This incident was strike 3 for me; I had screwed up a couple of other times in the past too. Our relationship, although very passionate and loving, was also tumultuous. We are very codependent and expect a lot from the other person. I had been very flirtatious with other women. So, after she got upset after me not setting boundaries with our mutual friend(the one sending me the pictures) we had a long talk about how we need time apart to get our together as individuals-for me, that was working on some of my low self esteem induced promiscuity. So we decide to be just friends...It's been terrifying not being able to talk to her all the time and tell her how much I love her. So after a few days of us talking every now and then as friends, she quit picking up the phone and responding to texts...this scared me. The past few days it has been set in my mind that Megan does not want anything to do with me and we are never going to be back together...regardless of the issues I am madly in love with her. Out of my fear of her moving on from me, I do what I usually do when I'm upset about a break-up, I find a rebound. So, two days ago I had sex with a girl I know pretty well, we went to a therapy group together. Megan knew of her. This girl used to be very flirtatious. Megan could not stand her.

I knew if I called this girl up, she would have sex with me. .

I really didn't want to do it, and I did.

I immedietly regretted it, like I'm sure a lot of us have with rebounds and one-night stands.

This is the one girl I should not have slept with if I had any hopes of being in a relationship with Megan. Thing is, I had NO hope that Megan and I would get back together.

 

Megan recently texted me and asked how I was doing. She says she would like to give me a call this week. My hopes are back up.

If Megan and I get back together, I know that I would have to tell her about sleeping with this other girl, I love Megan too much to be with her and keep ing secrets. I love Megan with all my heart, and I keep ing up at the same time. I'm shooting myself in the foot.

 

Do I have a chance of being in a relationship with Megan again? Will it be forever changed for the worse? Do I need to tell her about the girl I slept with? I don't know what to do. I have not ever been in a healthy relationship. And the one I had with Megan was by no means not unhealthy, but underneath it is a mutual love that we both really want to hold on to. I don't know if I beleive in soulmates- but if I did, Megan and I are.

 

Long message-sorry. I just need some help.

Thank you

[dave_1966]

You don't tell Megan about the other girl because you weren't together, and therefore its none of her business. That's on the basis you used contraception btw.

[Movingforward3]

Megan has just texted you. Don't read anything into it. And you absolutely must not tell her about the other girl. You see how she reacted with just texting.

You must be a better boyfriend going forward. Focus on Megan. No contact with other women and you need to be focused on building trust with Megan. Be where you are supposed to be and make her your queen. You are lucky she is even giving you the time of day right now. But, you are on thin ice. Love her like she is leaving.

[Birdie]

Why would anything be different this time around? You haven't worked on yourself or fixed any issues....you still have low self esteem and seek worth through sexual attention.

 

Be single and work on your issues.

[anecdotic]

".....that was working on some of my low self esteem induced promiscuity"

 

Just tell her you haven't fixed your issues and need to take it extremely slow, but let her know you are still interested in her; just not yet. Prove to her (and yourself) that you can go a few months without seeking sexual activities with other people.

[Rob232]

I hear you. I'm afraid nothing would change, only if I do. I can't imagine life with out her, it just doesn't seem right. Even when I was with I always wanted to take a very long break from her so that I could work on my issues and hopefully come back to her when I was ready to be a good man for her. I don't think we will get back together, I just don't know how to accept the break up and I don't know how to grieve it, and I know I need to

[jobelle]

So you were gonna work on your low self esteem induced promiscuity... and the first thing you do is hook up with this girl.

I'm not judging but truth is, you haven't used this time to work on your issues. So I don't see how the new relationship will be any different.

 

If you do get back together, I would advise you not to tell her about this girl. You were broken up so there was no cheating. Telling her, especially if she couldn't stand this girl from the beginning, will only damage the relationship.