Mr. MIA

[JustStop]

I dated this guy for like 7 months. It was cool, we texted like everyday,went out on regular dates and he seemed interested in me. After a few months, I approached him about his thoughts about moving towards something more serious and he kinda skated around the issue. I trumped this up to "maybe I should play this out because it's too soon for serious talk." Another month or so goes by and I asked him about it again, I told him that it was ok if he just wanted to be friends or was just looking for casual dating but that I needed to know whether or not he could even see himself with me in that way so I could have some peace of mind.

 

What I got out of his response was that he could see himself in a relationship with me but that he thought "I was still finding myself." He said he knew where he wanted to be in his life for the next few years and since I was looking for jobs in other areas and stuff ....I guess he thought I was unstable? So even after this conversation, we still talked like everyday, we would still go out, and the whole nine. In fact, as another month went by it seemed like we had gotten closer and more comfortable around each other.

 

So, I ended up getting a job hours away from the city we both lived in. I invited him down to the area as a little vacay when I went to scope out the new city. I just thought it would be a fun get away. During the trip, I asked him why he wasn't clear on his intentions with me...even after I told him it was cool if he was just looking for a casual fling. He said he thought he was clear(not true)......but now I'm confused as to why he's still treating me like he wants to be in a relationship with me....I would even go as far as to say he acted like we were in a relationship.

 

To close out the story, I ended up moving a week later and he just completely ceased contact with me and acted like I never existed. He went so far as to help me pack, went to my going away event, bought me a going away gift and we still went on dates...literally up until the day I moved. A few days after I moved down, I asked him if he wanted to help me move the rest of my stuff....his answer was a flat out "Unfortunately I have other things to do this weekend"....so I'm pissed that he didn't even ask when I needed help or anything...just a plain I'm busy. I never responded. What was there to say?

 

It took me like 2 weeks to get up enough nerve to call him and see what the deal was......his dumb excuse was that he texted me and since I didn't respond that one time he took that as I was uninterested. Now, here I am...it's like 2 months later and he never reached back out to me. What's the deal? I'm having a hard time getting over this?!....I'm soooo confused.

[Movingforward3]

I will give you the best answer I can, as I don't understand disappearance acts either. He didn't care for the distance and decided not to tell you he was done. Time to to see what is out there in your new area.

[Bunney]

This one is pretty clear. The answer is "he's just not that into you". He never felt strongly enough about you to get serious with you, but enjoyed your company enough to have a casual dating arrangement with you.

Until he finds a girl he's crazy about, that is.

 

It sucks, but you wasted way more time on him than you should have. When a guy has genuine feelings for you, he won't risk you getting snatched away by another guy. i.e.: he'll move mountains to make you his girlfriend.

 

And now he will never have to admit to this because he has the very convenient excuse of you moving away & not answering his last text. Trust me... 7 months is long enough for a guy to figure out whether he wants to have a relationship with a gir. He didn't want one with you.

[James516]

By your own description, he told you that he expeced you to move and therefore there wouldn't be a relationship in his mind. You apparently didn't like that answer and hung on hoping this would change. Lesson learned, it doesn't.

You may be stable as a person, but knowingly planning to move is not a stable living situation, you could have ended up anywhere.

Also, I don't think you were exactly clear to him - first you asked about a more serious relationship then tried to negotiatie by offering to be friend or casual dating. Always stick to want you want, it makes things easier for everyone.

As a guy, we can enjoy things and not see it as anything more than that no matter how long the time is. He may have liked the time and decided to stay with it until you moved. But now he clearly has moved on from this- out of sight, out of mind. I am sorry it was cut off this abruptly. But don't waste any more time trying to change things.

[LC8328]

I'm sorry this happened to you. And I totally understand because it happened to me too. Not even a warning or anything...totally into me one minute and *ZIPPO* the next.

 

Take some time to heal and feel a little better about it. There's a better man out there for you who won't treat you like this.

 

And btw...if he contacts you again...just say no. Don't let him play you.

[Dottieflanogon]

It sounds like he didn't want anything serious with you.. besides you moved so the chances of it working out are slim to none ,given you haven't established a strong connection and trust. It is very hard to maintain a long distance relationship because there are just so many factors against it such as people changing over time and the loneliness of not being with someone. In order for it to work, there must be some kind of commitment and sacrifices that both people must be willing to make. He's not the guy for you.time to move on

[notalady]

After a few months, I approached him about his thoughts about moving towards something more serious and he kinda skated around the issue.

 

You should've been gone after this. A few months is not too soon to have the "where do we stand" talk.

 

 

What I got out of his response was that he could see himself in a relationship with me but that he thought "I was still finding myself." He said he knew where he wanted to be in his life for the next few years and since I was looking for jobs in other areas and stuff ....I guess he thought I was unstable?

 

How is that relevant at all to proceeding to be in a serious relationship? It's not like you're getting married or having kids. Clearly he's giving excuses.

 

After 7 months, if the answer is anything other than "yes I would love to be in a serious relationship with you", the answer is he doesn't. In that sense, he was more than clear about his intentions, you just chose to ignore it.

 

You interpreted you spending time together as getting closer and relationship-like, for him it was just companionship. You were Ms good-for-now, now you've moved further away, it's too inconvenient for even that, so he's letting it die off.