brandon26003 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I am 35 years old and she is 26. We met a month ago. Everything was going great! We connected on so many different levels. I was mostly going to see her and she even came up to my place a few times even though we live 85 minutes away from each other. She would always say that she was glad that I was coming to see her. This weekend, however, she did a few things that really upset me. I went to her place Friday night as we had plans to go to a college football game the next day. She told me over a week ago that she had tickets and invited me. The plan was for me to stay until Sunday. Her brother lives in the apartment right next to her. I get there Friday evening. We went out, got pizza, and brought it home. After we ate, she said she was going over to her brothers and left me in her apartment. Almost an hour goes by and I don't hear anything. She texts me and tells me to come over to her brothers apartment. I walk over and everyone is drinking, which I don't mind. I was there for like 15-20 minutes and she walks outside for another hour talking to a friend that was having "relationship issues." I felt out of place and uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't know. She comes back in to get me and we walk back to her place. As we were walking back over, her brother and some of his friends were talking about how they all smoked marijuana, including her, a few weeks ago and were bragging about how "high" she was. After we walked inside she said that she doesn't do it. The reason that this is an issue is because I'm going into law enforcement and it wouldn't look good if the girl I am dating smokes marijuana. We go inside and go to bed. We start making out and she starts to give me oral sex. She stops after a few minutes and goes over to check on her brother again who was being drunk and loud. When she went back over she promised that she would "finish" me when she came back. 90 minutes later she comes back in. She starts to perform oral on me again, stops after a few minutes, and she goes back over because she thought he was about to drive away drunk. She again promises to finish me when she comes back and asks for me to stay awake. I stay awake for another hour and eventually fall asleep. I was really irritated for being left for hours by myself, at her brothers and at her place, and was irritated because she left me horny. Should I have been upset by any of this? I know most people are going to attack me and say that I was only concerned about sex because that is my experience with posting on these types of forums. The next day we wake up and I brought up that I was upset that she left me alone and mentioned jokingly that she left me horny. I understood the reason she gave me about her brother and she promised that she would repay the favor for leaving me horny. I also found out from her that she didn't really have tickets to the game and said that she always paid her landlord for tickets. I started getting upset again because I didn't find out that she didn't have the tickets until 2 hours before the game started. Why would she tell me that she had tickets and wait until 2 hours before the game started that she didn't have them? I started getting irritated again. I asked her about that and she eventually got the tickets. We went to the game, had a good time, and came back to her place. Later that night she left me at her place a few hours by myself again while she went over to her brothers. I woke up a few hours later and she was in bed. We woke up this morning and had a talk. I had known that she was having some personal health issues and didn't realize that she was having some serious financial issues as well. I then felt bad for complaining about the tickets and told her that she should have just said something to me. I also told her that I would pay her for the tickets. I told her that I would have came to see her no matter what. I then told her that I am interested in seeing if there was long term relationship potential with her and that was why I asked her about the marijuana issue and the other things that she did this weekend that upset me. How would it look if a police officer's girl was a marijuana smoker? I also explained that if she was just a woman that I was just interested in having sex with I wouldn't have brought anything up. She explained that she wasn't looking to make the mistake of jumping into a relationship again because she has made that mistake before. I told her that I wasn't either. Before I left, she said she wanted to meet half way one evening this week for dinner. Is this normal dating issues? I've been out of the dating scene for so long that I forget how it's supposed to work ! Do I have a reason to be upset for any of this? Should I have not even brought it up? I appreciate any advice. Thank you.
agent1607307371 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It's been a month. She smokes pot which is bad for your intended career. She invites you over then leaves you alone. She tells you she has tix for an event then waits until the last minute to come clean. She's ten years younger than you, and acts even younger than that. You know what everyone here si going to tell you, right?
Movingforward3 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I had a roll in the hay with a woman that was a pot head. She was great in bed, but that is as far as it went. Unfortunately, marijuna use seems to be prevalent 30 and under. Not good for you being a police officer. Time for you to move on and use that uniform to get a better girl!
Realitynut Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Dang! You have every right to be upset.....! This relationship is going NO WHERE! If I drove a long ways to see my bf....and he left for hours at a time...I"D BE SO P'Oed!!!! Also....If I was in an intimate situation...NOTHING would interrupt it! I can't imagine you couldn't find a better fit for you closer to home! What does she have that's so appealing? Her looks?? Certainly not her personality!
notalady Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 It's been a month. She smokes pot which is bad for your intended career. She invites you over then leaves you alone. She tells you she has tix for an event then waits until the last minute to come clean. She's ten years younger than you, and acts even younger than that. You know what everyone here si going to tell you, right? Yep this..
sleepingdonut Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 She sounds like she's all over the place, and not at all a good match as a long term partner for you. Before you even mentioned she had financial problems, I thought "I bet this girl has financial problems, too." She lives in the moment, and without much regard for the future. If you stay with her, there's a very good chance your law enforcement career won't last. I'd recommend getting out of this now.
LC8328 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Do you know for a fact that he is her brother? Just asking because this is way too weird. Stops intimacy to go see her brother? Leaves you for an hour to see him, then texts you to come over, instead of you coming with her in the first place? Fishy, fishy, fishy. And you've only been seeing her a month. Add the pot use and I vote for you to end it.
Sportster2005 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 That must have been one hell of a blowjob to put up with that crap. When she left the second time I would have just left, gone home. Tootles.
alli Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 It sounds like it's not a good match. That's not cool for her to repeatedly leave you either alone in her apartment or with a bunch of people you don't know for hours at a time. What's even the point of visiting if she's there for 5 minutes, leaves for an hour, back for 5 minutes, leaves for an hour. It's one thing if you were already together for a long time and knew her brother & friends, but you've only known each other for a month & didn't know them at all. Also, while it was easy for her to acquire the tickets, that would irritate me that she would say she had them when she really didn't. Sounds like she doesn't even think twice about saying things that aren't true. The tickets, the marijuana use. And like you said, you want to be a police officer. I'd say you have reason enough to stop seeing her. She says she doesn't want to jump into anything, but there is a difference between deciding to make an early commitment to someone and knowing that what you are looking for is a serious relationship.
catfeeder Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I didn't get past the part where she left you flat for an hour. I wouldn't have been there when she got back.
ManyDates Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Date someone closer to your age, I am also 35 and can't stand chicks in their 20's
surptalk Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I would have been upset as well if that happened to me. Especially if someone left me hanging twice while going down on me. Sex aside its just common courtesy not to leave anyone alone when they don't know anyone. Sounds like she is still a bit immature. I don't think the weed thing is going to change, especially since she can do it when you are not there and you live so far. I would have her come out to you next time and see how things feel, otherwise I would bail.
brandon26003 Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I purposefully brought up what I was seeking for in a relationship. I'm a firm believer in being truthful and not playing games. If they can't handle the truth and run, it's their issue not mine. I think it's best to bring it up early before feelings get involved. If they are scared of a relationship, it's better to "scare" them away prior to feelings getting involved. If she runs away, I'm okay with that. She just wasn't ready. I've hardly heard from her since the conversation we had. Last night she brought up that she has been thinking a lot about what we talked about and didn't respond when I asked her what she was thinking about. She texted me first this afternoon, and after a few texts, I asked her again what she was thinking about. She replied by saying the future. I then reiterated that I wanted to make my intentions known early prior to feelings getting involved and haven't heard anything back from her. I think she's scared of commitment and is figuring out if she wants to run or not.
Realitynut Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 LOL....why are you letting HER decide! After all that crap...you should have decided for her! YOU RUN!
exesandohs Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Do I think you have a reason to be "mad"? No. Do I think she is compatible with you? No. It seems she's still in the party-lifestyle phase, which is fine, but as a 35 year old man, I can see this being problematic. Speaking from personal experience, I know especially at long distance, the last thing I'd want to do if my guy was in town, would leave him to hang out with my brother? of all people? She obviously has some growing up to do. Or maybe she doesn't and that's just the way she is and that's fine, but it's clearly not compatible with you, what you want in your life at this time so why bother?
ManyDates Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I purposefully brought up what I was seeking for in a relationship. I'm a firm believer in being truthful and not playing games. If they can't handle the truth and run, it's their issue not mine. I think it's best to bring it up early before feelings get involved. If they are scared of a relationship, it's better to "scare" them away prior to feelings getting involved. If she runs away, I'm okay with that. She just wasn't ready. I've hardly heard from her since the conversation we had. Last night she brought up that she has been thinking a lot about what we talked about and didn't respond when I asked her what she was thinking about. She texted me first this afternoon, and after a few texts, I asked her again what she was thinking about. She replied by saying the future. I then reiterated that I wanted to make my intentions known early prior to feelings getting involved and haven't heard anything back from her. I think she's scared of commitment and is figuring out if she wants to run or not. After I read your first message I knew that "dinner meeting half way" would be the last time you'd see her. Might as well just call her up and end it over the phone (regardless of who does it) to save time and fuel. She's already subtly letting you know its done...
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