EV1234 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Last night was the first night my boyfriend and I talked about having sex. I asked him how close he thinks we are to doing so, and he said not very close. He said he definitely wants to hold off on that. He asked me if that was okay and I said yes. Which it is. And it does make sense because we are both 16. But, we have known each other since we were 10, we were best friends before we started dating and we've been dating for over a year. I am going to fully respect his wishes but I was wondering why he is thinking this? We've done hand stuff and he has been inside of me (again hand stuff). And that was why I asked because last night was the first time he did that to me. And that's kind of a mixed message if you ask me. I could help with an interpretation of his thinking. Does he not want me? Does he solely think we are too young? Much appreciated
Seraphim Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He is making good sense. He probably doesn't want to be a teenage dad. He probably understands that people shouldn't be having sex until they can handle all of the ramifications that result. He is very wise.
HeartGoesOn Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 ^ I agree with Vic. If you feel responsible enough to be having sex, you need to be responsible for any potential consequences that may occur. For example, what would your plan be if an unexpected pregnancy were to happen? Either way, I think your boyfriend is making a wise decision and is a keeper, as well.
abitbroken Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It doesnt matter how long you have known eachother. He does not want to have penetrative sex at 16 for his own personal self and life. It doesn't mean you are not worthy. In fact - it shows a high amount of self respect for himself, and for you. Knowing someone a long time is not a reason for sex. It is not a mixed message, he does not want to go all the way. BTW, you ARE having sex - to me, sexual contact is sex even if there is no penetration. But I am an old fogey. If you are really worried if he loves you and wants you, I would stop letting him touch you like that. Tell him you want to dial it back and don't want to confuse eachother. Don't give him MORE (encouraging deeper sexual contact) because you want to feel loved.
EV1234 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 I feel I should say to that I am going on birth control next week and plan on telling him that. Just to give more details to anyone commenting
Seraphim Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I think it's a wise decision for anyone at 16 to forgo that for a few years birth control or no. Birth-control is not fool proof. And regardless of birth control he should also be using a condom if he does have sex with ANYONE including you. This is about health and the rest of your life.
Hairyhead Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He's wise and sensible as are you for talking about it and seeking advice. Be patient and enjoy what you have. Many other teenagers get it so wrong. Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk
Knot2loud Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You said the two of you have been friends since age 10. You also said the two of you are best friends. I believe he was sincere and that does not mean he does not want you. He is just being smart. You do not want to get pregnant at age 16 and he does not to be a father at age 16.
TMifune Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I feel I should say to that I am going on birth control next week and plan on telling him that. Just to give more details to anyone commenting I'd skip the birth control (unless you have another medical reason for it) and make a conscious decision to refrain from sex until you're ready.
WithLove Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'd skip the birth control (unless you have another medical reason for it) and make a conscious decision to refrain from sex until you're ready. Don't skip the birth control if you're going on it for reasons other than pregnancy (i.e. to control your menstrual cycle, etc).
TMifune Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Don't skip the birth control if you're going on it for reasons other than pregnancy (i.e. to control your menstrual cycle, etc). That's why I added the "other medical reason" thing! ;-)
WithLove Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 That's why I added the "other medical reason" thing! ;-) I didn't see that part, or completely read over it.
abitbroken Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I feel I should say to that I am going on birth control next week and plan on telling him that. Just to give more details to anyone commenting I don't think you should tell him. No means no. He said he is not ready for sex, so don't dangle proverbial carrots in front of his face to try to further entice him to have sex with you. Because he won't "go all the way" with you doesn't mean he doesn't love you - it means that he feels he is still a child/teen/ and not mature enough to have sex with ANYONE. He is not ready in his life for it. I think you shouldn't be so eager either, because I feel you want to do it to "validate" his love in some way - that it would prove something to you. If my bf said he doesn't want to have sex again until we are married/in preparation of marriage and I take my boots off to reveal seamed stockings and I say "oh, its so hot in here" and I unbutton my shirt a little to reveal very sexy lingerie he hasn't seen before - or walk around nude in front of him constantly - am I really respecting his decision? No, I would be trying to make him cave instead of sharing my feelings about things. Also, if you are not going on it for medical reasons, I would have a look at side effects - and side effects for long term use.
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