ambreaux405 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Has anyone ever felt that way? It's silly for me to think that way...I didn't cause our relationship to end, him and whatever emotional issues he has lead to our downfall. But when I see all my friends married or paired off, having kids, etc...and when I think about the fact that my parents were married younger than I am now and spent their entire lives together, I can't help but feel that there is something wrong with me and that for some reason I can't succeed. I know it's not true, it's just one of those passing feelings that are hopefully quite normal after a break up. It's been 5 months since he told me he didn't love me. I hope I am just moving through the stages of healing. I feel like I am doing quite well. I'm making progress on some goals I have set for myself. I'm keeping myself distracted. I wish I could see my friends more but everyone is busy and wants to spend time with their families...but I'm not sure that's such a bad thing. I've relied on other people my entire life and now for the first time I am forced to be independent, and to find ways to be happy being alone. I'm adapting. I go full days without really thinking about him now, and when I do it's just a passing thought that doesn't really cause me pain. I just don't want to feel like a failure because deep down I know I'm not. But we make it seem like "the grand prize" is getting engaged and getting married and I don't know now that that is the grand prize I want. I just want to be happy, in whatever form that comes in for me.
Birdie Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Warning...this is cheesy. Moving on from an unhealthy and unsatisfactory relationship is an amazing achievement. I know it's hard right now, but doing this is one of the hardest and really most successful things in your life. You showed yourself so much love and respect by realizing your needs weren't being met and you weren't getting treated the way you deserve. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. You might see people paired up, but I bet you a large portion of those people are having the doubts you did in your relationship, but too afraid to do anything. Wether it's too afraid to be alone, or face reality or whatever. By forcing yourself to end your relationship and learn to love yourself as an independent person, you're only going to attract similar people. Demand to be treated with respect and you'll find men who feel the same and treat you well when the times right. In regards to your parents, our dating world now is soooo different. With online dating, smart phones, apps and all that to meet people you're dating pool is so much larger and a lot less authentic (people looking for booty calls but hiding behind "cute/thoughtful" text messages). It's really a totally different method.... I'll end on that note by saying I work in a hospital and quite often when I'm working with the elderly population I'll ask them about their spouse and the most coming "how we met" story is at a dance...so cute!
Starseed98 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Some of us are left with no choice but to move on. There is no alternative when you have fought so long and hard. Birdie is right when she said it's an amazing accomplishment to finally break free from something so unsatisfying. I myself, 9-10 months later, I am in such a better place. Dating, having fun, just enjoying the person I was before I became that vulnerable, emotionally, physically, and mentally abused woman I was when I was with my ex. The thing is, it did take about 6 months for me to finally realize that I am ready to face life alone, and for the first time in a very long time, I didn't have to fight my ex off for doing what I wanted to do. I know it won't always be like this, just the same way it won't always be like that for you. Give it time and don't rush. You still have a way to go, just be thankful that you survived that breakup because I remember your story and how hurt and the many weeks you spent crying, not eating and not sleeping, and you are still here. This is your time now, go out and enjoy becoming a better you. Happiness can only come from within you, and not from anyone else.
mhowe Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 "We" don't make engagement and marriage the grand prize. I have never desired either so it didn't phase me when neither happened or I attended the weddings of my friends. That isn't to say I haven't had relationships of long standing...8 years, my current one is approaching 7. This is your life and your journey. Direct it as you wish. What the audience wants to see isn't your problem.
emptyeffort Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 feeling like a failure ye.. i know that feel. its basically what i felt like for years apart from the period i was together with my first gf who left me a month ago. and now the feeling is back. im 23 now. she was the first one to like and love me and for once in my life i felt so special. and now its all over. ill have to see her regularly for the next 2 years because of university and i think that means that therell not even be any attempts of me dating anyone in that time or even longer. even if.. im an introvert. i have troubles talking to strangers and such. i need time to get comfortable with people and most of the time one doesnt have that. i always thought i was a loner. that i could be alone and it didnt affect me. but being with her made me realize that its a huge lie. that i was very lonely b4 her. im living in a city now which is far away from any family and i didnt really make friends because i had her. i made myself way too dependent on her. it was a huge mistake and now the fall is even worse. being alone in that apartment. noone caring about/for me. i feel overwhelmed even by small stuff.
tallydoo Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Has anyone ever felt that way? It's silly for me to think that way...I didn't cause our relationship to end, him and whatever emotional issues he has lead to our downfall. But when I see all my friends married or paired off, having kids, etc...and when I think about the fact that my parents were married younger than I am now and spent their entire lives together, I can't help but feel that there is something wrong with me and that for some reason I can't succeed. I know it's not true, it's just one of those passing feelings that are hopefully quite normal after a break up. It's been 5 months since he told me he didn't love me. I hope I am just moving through the stages of healing. I feel like I am doing quite well. I'm making progress on some goals I have set for myself. I'm keeping myself distracted. I wish I could see my friends more but everyone is busy and wants to spend time with their families...but I'm not sure that's such a bad thing. I've relied on other people my entire life and now for the first time I am forced to be independent, and to find ways to be happy being alone. I'm adapting. I go full days without really thinking about him now, and when I do it's just a passing thought that doesn't really cause me pain. I just don't want to feel like a failure because deep down I know I'm not. But we make it seem like "the grand prize" is getting engaged and getting married and I don't know now that that is the grand prize I want. I just want to be happy, in whatever form that comes in for me. I've struggled with that feeling myself. What you need to realize is that, just as much as engagement and marriage is a "success" for you, so is a breakup: it's a successful discernment that you're not supposed to marry that person. It's a lot harder to see that when you're the one who's left, but the fact that the relationship broke means that there was some fundamental incompatibility. A successful relationship is not marriage at all costs: a failed relationship is an unhappy marriage.
ambreaux405 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Yes I feel kinda similarly. I think I let myself become way too dependent on him and that made the separation all the more difficult. But it's a good lesson. We should never lose ourselves to someone else. I want to strive to be very happy on my own so that the next time a relationship doesn't work out, it won't be as devastating.
mhowe Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 The end of a relationship is generally devastating. The issue is to not fold our life pre-relationship. Keep it so that when a relationship ends, you still have a firkin life!
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