Long Story, But Desperately Need Help in Finding Out What Happened

[bridge0217]

Hi all,

 

This is kind of a complicated and odd story, so I apologize in advance for the length and details, but they all matter, at least to me.

 

Bit of background information about me: So, I participate in local community theatre where I live and I'm nearly always involved in some sort of production. I have been doing this for at least 11 years, and I am currently 22. Although my community is large and has numerous theatrical opportunities, the typical age range of the people involved in theatre is about 35-65 (men and women). This puts me as sort of a baby in the community theatre scene, but I have never minded because I have found that I have always gotten along with people older than me and they have always gotten along with me, too. The only problem I have ever had with this is that in every single show I am in, I tend to develop some sort of interest or crush on at least one of my male co-actors. As you'd imagine, they're nearly always a decade or so older than me, but I've always been attracted to older men. Absolutely no idea why. The way it'll usually go is like this: my crush and I will flirt and go out after shows, but it never goes further, then the show will end and, although I hope I'll see my crush again, I generally never do.

 

Fast forward to a September of this year. I'd just begun a new show in a town about an hour or so away from me. It was a show with a cast of 4, including myself: two men and two women. The man playing opposite me was a man in his late 40's, Jack. I did not really find him attractive. I like older men, but not ones that you can tell how old they are. I mean, his hair was pre-maturely grey and he look older than he even was. We begin the rehearsal process and he continually hits on me. I just think it's funny and don't think much about it. We end up having a particularly graphic "sex" type scene in the show, which is extremely awkward the first few times because I was uncomfortable. Although, he wasn't, but he wasn't a perv about it at all. Anyway, despite me not finding him attractive, he continues to grow on me. He had an extremely confident demeanor for an older guy and seemed like he didn't care if I flirted back with him or not. For some reason, this attracted me and I slowly began to develop a crush on him. So, I notice on Facebook that he has a new girlfriend, and tends to have girlfriends that come and go, or so it seems. Of course, they're all older women, his age. So, I forget about anything happening with him.

 

One night before an early rehearsal, he Facebook messages me and asks if I can give him a ride to rehearsal because his car is acting funny. I tell him that since the other woman in the show is closer to see what she says first and if she says no, I can do it. I honestly did not want to ride in a car with him for an hour, so I was hoping she'd be able to do it. She couldn't. So, he tells me when and where to pick him up. I'm out of my mind nervous the next morning, but play it cool as I pick him up. We talk about everything from books he's written to movies to his band to shows I've done and other jokes. I find that the conversation flows naturally and it is not nearly as awkward as I'd have imagined. He makes fun of my car brakes and insists that he should fix them for me. On the car ride back, he tells me that I'm incredible in the show and that he wants me to come see his band play. I remember he said, "Wow. You're like my son's age. Makes me feel old. I never feel old." Just an odd comment. After I take him back home, he gives me $10 for gas money and says he'll see me tomorrow. I'm in total shock of how I feel. Interested.

 

The last show of the first weekend of the show's run is happening and we are backstage and he asks me if I want to get drinks next weekend after the show. I agree and nothing else is said. So, later that week, I text him to tell him what time rehearsal is before the show and that slowly turns into a personal conversation that continues up until that weekend.

 

I show up that weekend for the show, extremely nervous, just because I always flirt with these older guys but I nearly NEVER go out with them one-on-one. So, like a little girl, I can barely look at him when I get there. Finally, he comes up to me and straight up asks me if we are still having drinks. I nervously say yes and he just smiles and walks away. THIS is why I found him attractive. He. Did. Not. Care. He was extremely confident with, honestly, no reason to be. So, the show ends and we both awkwardly walk out the door and discuss where to go. He says he'll find somewhere and to follow him. So, we drive to a biker bar about 30 minutes away. I'm out of my mind nervous, but attracted and don't know if that's right or wrong to feel. We sit at the bar, he buys me drinks and we literally just talk. I mean, he flirted, of course, and touched me some, but didn't try anything at all. So, the night ended because he had to get up early and he walked me to my car and we hugged goodbye. He almost seemed like he was going to kiss me, but didn't. Afterward, I texted him a joke or something and after talking some he says, "Can I be blunt? You are honestly so beautiful and sexy, Bridget." The conversation ends somewhat with me awkwardly taking his compliments. We text all the next day. He makes it clear he wants to see me again and that he will. We continue to text up until the last show. We do the show and before he leaves, I hug him and we say goodbye. I figured he knew we'd hang out again because I'd already agreed, but about three hours after I'd gotten home, he texts me, telling me how much fun he had getting to know me and to not be a stranger. I tell him, "I guess we're not going to sing karaoke then?" (A joke we'd had). He responded, "Oh, if you want to, I'd love that, honey!" enthusiastically. And it continues...

 

Now, Jack was taking the same role from the show we'd just done and performing it with another cast in another town. However, the week after our show ended, the director gave him a break while he prepared the other actors. For that week, Jack texted me every morning and every night. All day, every day. About insignificant things. He tried extremely hard to impress me and showered me with compliments. He even told me he wanted to fix my car brakes and he'd pay for everything. He said he wanted to take me to his friend's bonfire and implied we'd be having serious conversations in the future. I guess I could have been more in agreement or more forward about my feelings or something, but I remained coy. We have a pretty good conversation and this time he poses an extremely interesting question: "Why are you talking to me?" As if to say...like why am I interested in talking to him. I tell him I think he's "interesting." Because that's the honest answer. He also demands to know if I am interested in him and says that "It's okay if you're not, we can still be friends." I tell him yes and he seems like that made him happy and he continues to text me. He texted me up until about that Friday night. I assumed we were going to hang out that weekend, until he said, "Next weekend, we should totally hang out." No explanation for why that weekend didn't work. Then, I don't hear from him again until I text him Sunday night, which he responds to and we have a brief chat and he doesn't text back again until Monday evening with a "Hello, Darlin'" Leaving me utterly confused as to why the constant texting stopped and instead it's spacey texting again. I won't lie-I questioned myself a bit. Am I not interesting enough anymore? Does he think I'm not interested? I think guys know that if a girl is responding....she's interested somewhat.

 

We text until about half way through Tuesday and I don't hear from him. I text him Friday morning and he responds, "Hey, sorry I haven't been texting...I've been getting back from rehearsals until late at night." I shrug it off and believe him. Why not? He asks me if I'm busy that night and I say no. He says he has to work until about 7, but that he'd love to do something with me. I tell him I'm getting drinks with my co-workers at 6:30 p.m., but we can do something after. We agree to have drinks. He texts me about two hours later and says, "Hey, so sorry I got called into work and I have to cover two stories tonight and I won't be done until way later, it looks like." (He's a journalist). At this point it was about 7:30 p.m. I tell him I'll be out and about until late so that if it's not too late for him, it works for me. He says, "Okay. I have an idea though. How would you like to go on a real date? Next week, come to my show and I'll take you out afterward." I agree. We text the whole night, and then around 12 a.m. or so, he texts me that he just got off work. I was already asleep after drinking heavily.

 

We text about halfway on Saturday and he stops completely. I don't hear from him again. Until I text him the following Friday, wishing he and the rest of the cast to "Break a leg" on their show. He texts back, "Thanks!" And I don't text back to that. In fact, I'm fully frustrated. I was confused the entire week because I couldn't decide if it was me that got uninteresting or if he gave up or backed out on the idea. Either way, he clearly stopped and it was offensive and hurtful to me, because NOW was when my mind decided that I really liked him.

 

I end up going to see the show he's in with a fellow cast mate from the original show. I REALLY did not want to see him and honestly planned on avoiding him. After the show, I see him in the lobby and awkwardly say hello and hug him. He tells me I look absolutely beautiful. And everything comes back to me. How I used to feel and still felt. The director and the old cast and Jack all talk and we decide to go get drinks at a bar down the road. (By the way-his son was there. His son is my age. He introduced us and I felt sick). At the bar, he keeps making references to the last time we hung out and keeps making eyes at me. As if nothing had every happened or that he didn't stop texting me. I felt like such a little girl who was being forced to be around her ex-boyfriend...even though that was not the case at all. It was extremely frustrating. As he's getting up to leave, he tells the bartender that he's paying for my drink. On his way out, he asks if I'm busy the next night. Halloween was the next night, and I had plans, but for some reason I said, "No." He tells me he wants to go out after his show and we can "find something to do." He hugs me and rubs my arms. Squeezes my hand, gives me a look and lights a cigarette on his way out to his car. Leaving me in awe. FOR SOME REASON. Once more.

 

The next day: nothing. No texts or calls. 6 p.m. rolls around. His show starts at 8 p.m. I text him to inquire what the plans were. He tells me he has to strike the set before he does anything. We text briefly and then a few hours later he says that he really hurt himself during the show and that he could barely walk. So, he cancels the plans. That night, we have a somewhat sexual conversation about how we were both attracted in the "sex" scene we had to do. He told me that "I am a worldly man and am not moved easily, but you made me want you so badly." He basically just told me how attracted he was to me. I'm far more forward in my reciprocation in this text conversation than in the previous weeks. I fall asleep and text him back in the morning. He doesn't respond.

 

Two days later, he makes a nostalgic Facebook post about missing the show, etc. and tags everyone in it. Everything in my mind told me not to and let me tell you, I NEVER act this way about a guy, but I was feeling extremely depressed and out of my mind because of my feelings for him, so I text him one last time. I tell him I was glad I got to know him and that I'll miss him, told him a joke from our car trip weeks ago. To sort of mourn the would-have-been relationship or whatever it was going to be. To my surprise, he texts back, so I'm slow and don't respond for a few hours. And we text like that for Monday-Thursday. But these conversations are different. I'm being more forward and so is he. They're extremely sexual in nature and not like the texts we'd had weeks ago. He makes no references to doing anything, but rather straight up tells me, "You know I want to take you to bed, right?" He asks me why I'm talking to him and how I feel about it...etc. I tell him, again, that I don't know why, but that I find him interesting.

 

That week, he continues to text me back immediately, whereas I wait about an hour or at least 30 minutes to text him back. I won't lie. It's almost as if the roles had reversed, before he was the one who was crazy interested and I was nonchalant and now it was the opposite. I'm waiting on his every text, like a crazy girl that I'm not used to being. Ever. I never try hard at all. I never have to. He begins to say things like he used to, at one point asking me, "Tell me something about yourself. Any subject." He comments that I should have made out with him that night at the bar and that the other guys would have been jealous. One joke we'd had was that at one point in his life, he'd written porn. So, I'd been sending him screenshots of really bad written porn and he'd respond, saying, "I need to write you something better than that." So, this past Thursday night, we'd been texting as usual, and I send him another porn passage, as a joke and I'd been drinking. He texts back, "Definitely not my style." And I said, "Haha why not?" To which he doesn't reply. Friday morning, he still didn't reply, which was odd, seeing as he had been. I decided it'd be okay to send him another text in a matter of hours if he still hadn't replied. So I say, "Hey-totally sorry about sending you that passage, I was drinking and thought it was funny." To which he responds, "Stop."

 

And that was it. I did not respond, because obviously, what would I say? My question is-what the hell? If he didn't want to be texting me or wanted me to stop-he could have easily not responded to the first message, not said anything like "I want to take you to bed" or "Tell me about yourself" or use "Lol" or "LMAO" in nearly every text. I was honestly crushed. I thought we were getting back on track and I have no idea what happened. It's confusing to me and a HUGE blow to my ego. Not to sound arrogant, but I am easily way more attractive than he is. I'm younger and have a pretty attractive body and he seems like someone chasing after his younger days....so would I not have been a gold mine for him? Possibly the reason this was so hurtful to me was because I was genuinely interested in him and I felt like he should easily be glad I'm giving him a chance. I know looks aren't everything, but come on...he's a guy and he thinks I'm attractive...why wouldn't have wanted me anymore? Why would he say something so out of the blue and so hurtful, at that? When nothing hostile or anything like that had ever been said before? He made it clear he found me attractive and that he liked me, which was what I didn't understand.

 

I kind of wonder if he was more similar to me than I thought: I only wanted him when he didn't want me as much anymore. Or so it seemed. Now it seems he doesn't want me now that I've made it clear I want him, when before, I was not as forward and was more coy. Still...where did this come from? I am still extremely hurt and depressed by this and did not want our "story" to end like that. It means more to me because I'm usually not effected by someone this much. It's not like I wanted to marry him, but I definitely wanted to know him more. And I thought he felt the same. I don't know if he decided that his month-long girlfriend meant more to him or what, but I was left utterly confused and a little (a lot) hurt by this and I wonder if I ended up coming off as to desperate or too interested or what. Now, I wish I hadn't texted him again and left it alone, so I wouldn't feel so rejected right now.

 

I apologize so much for this length, but I felt this story had to be heard and could not be answered without the whole truth. I can't really divulge this story to anyone close to me, so I'm hoping I can find an answer here. I appreciate the help of everyone and anyone who has any idea of what happened here.

 

-B

[Sportster2005]

Twenty, forty or one-hundred, a flake is a flake. When you meet a truly confident man, you'll see what's wrong with your story.

[Dottieflanogon]

Some people really like the chase but lose interest once they "catch" you. but wait a minute,you did mention in your post that he has new girlfriend according to his fb?? Then why in the name of lord would you expect anything to come out of this? I suggest you take the high road,There is no point, it's just a waste of time and energy - time and energy you could be spending getting to know someone there might be some potential with.

 

 

 

 

It'll hurt to distance yourself from him but worth it now rather than later.. Imagine how much harder it'll be to walk away and be more attached than you are now. You haven't really invested allot of emotion and love into him, now it's just you really want him and are in the stages of falling for him..choice is yours. If you choose to stay, you are knowingly going after a man who has a girlfriend and is willing to cheat on her. He isn't an honest or loving person since he is capable of courting you while he's with someone else.

 

 

I would move on, after all he's old enough to be your father . Perhaps it's best to find someone closer to your age with more in common. good luck

[Sportster2005]

but wait a minute,you did mention in your post that he has new girlfriend according to his fb?? Then why in the name of lord would you expect anything to come out of this? I suggest you take the high road,There is no point, it's just a waste of time and energy - time and energy you could be spending getting to know someone there might be some potential with.

 

I didn't catch that. His inconsistency is consistent with having a gf. What did you expect? I agree with Dottie, definitely time to move on.

[Dottieflanogon]

I didn't catch that. His inconsistency is consistent with having a gf. What did you expect? I agree with Dottie, definitely time to move on.

 

Yea and nearly at the end of the OP she states "I don't know if he decided that his month-long girlfriend meant more to him or what"

[bridge0217]

Thanks for reading!

[bridge0217]

It was made a little unclear, but he'd mentioned "ending a relationship" in one of the text messages to me. So, at that point, I wasn't sure if they were together or not. To me, the behavior was confusing whether he'd ended that relationship or not. I agree that he's sketchy and inconsistent, but I'm wondering why he even bothered...

[Sportster2005]

It was made a little unclear, but he'd mentioned "ending a relationship" in one of the text messages to me. So, at that point, I wasn't sure if they were together or not. To me, the behavior was confusing whether he'd ended that relationship or not. I agree that he's sketchy and inconsistent, but I'm wondering why he even bothered...

 

Because he enjoyed it. Why wouldn't he? A young attractive woman paying attention to him. I'm sure it was flattering to him. His ego and entertainment were more important to him than your feelings.

[bridge0217]

I suppose. To me, it almost seemed as if he'd wanted to pursue it and then something else became more interesting or something. Regardless, I appreciate your reply. This was a complicated mess that I'll try to avoid in the future.