Not sure how to deal with this break up

[Crazt]

Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. It was my first real relationship and she was everything i ever wanted. We never fought, we were always together and she would tell me almost daily how much she appreciated me and how i made her happier than anyone else she's been in a relationship with. When she broke up she said she still had all the feelings for me, but she would be moving in june and didn't want things to get really serious and have us both be hurt when she moves because she can't handle long distance. In my mind, there's still a lot of time left and I was crushed because we had made so many plans, thinking about Christmas, new years, valentine's day. I asked her to consider it more but got the same result two days later. I told her if she felt like she wanted somebody while she was still here that I would still be here if she needs me. I've never felt for someone like this before.

 

After the first week I hung out with her and her friends thinking I could do the friends thing with her but it was way too hard. The following week she was mad at me for things that I hadn't said but heard from other people and she was frustrated with getting flak from people about breaking up with me, but anyways we stopped talking due to both of us being mad at each other. That was 2 weeks ago, haven't talked at all in that time. Tonight I got a text from her telling me not to mess up my life because of her, not to drink and smoke my problems away, finish school, make myself happy and love myself, stuff like that. Even jokingly saying "go **** *****es and get money". And to end it, she said "enjoy life and I hope you find someone good for you" with an old picture of us together. It felt like a last goodbye and it stung. I had a glimmer of hope of things working out between us at some point and the text killed that feeling for me. I cant even feel mad at her anymore because I know she had the best intentions.

 

But I don't know how to deal with this. I've never had to deal with this. She was perfect for me, and on top of her personality being amazing she was extremely attractive and im very overweight and...well, not attractive. That made me feel special, like someone cared about me and didn't care about appearances. She was the first girl I've ever made out with and had sex with. She meant the world to me and she pushed me away. To me it felt like love and I know she's scared of love because shes been hurt in the past. I think about all the times where I'd hold her and she would tell me how safe and comfortable she felt in my arms. I feel like she was getting close to falling in love and it scared her. When she broke up with me I poured my heart out to her and she told me I cant rely on others to make me happy, I need to live for me. But i know that, for me, i feel genuinely happy when I have someone I can connect with and make happy. She gave me that. And I guess I just want nothing more than to have her back but I don't think it'll happen. But i also don't know what to think. I almost wish I never got involved with her because I've always been scared of this feeling. I know it was a good experience but I can't stop thinking about what could have been. I dont want to be done with her but I just want to get get her off my mind at the same time.

 

I guess I just wanna ask, how can I move on? If she was perfect for me in every way, will I ever be able to find someone that can make me feel like she did again? Is there any hope that she would want to get back together with me after what she sent me tonight? Is she done with me being in her life completely, or just for the relatonship?

 

Ive never missed a person like this before. She's on my mind most of every day. Thank you for reading.

[Ms Darcy]

How old are you guys?

[emptyeffort]

i wouldnt get my hopes up. try to deal with the worst case scenario and maybe the downfall wont be as strong. hopes make it worse. got left about a month ago. for me she was perfect aswell. and i was perfect for her. but feelings know no logic. which means: eventually you will fall in love again even if the next one(s) wont be as perfect for you your "heart" doesnt care.

 

some parts of your story reminded me of ours. i am too the overweight guy who seemed to have gotten someone out of his league. she and i too talked about our feelings afterwards and she told me that i deserve "better" than her. (tho she said that for months even in our relationship) and that i will find love again. and that i cant let this breakup ruin my carrier etc.

 

i wouldnt try to win her back or anything. that only pushes her away. the only thing you can do is go no contact and MAYBE she comes back realizing she "needs/wants" you. but given the reason why she broke up in the first place. i wouldnt hold my breath.

[BlueDaruma]

Hi there. I think I'm actually in an incredibly similar situation to yours right now. Prior to meeting my ex, I was very much a keep-to-myself sort of person, and had never dated anybody until I met her. I was fortunate enough to find love with this first relationship. I had many of my firsts with her; first kiss, first time sex, first time that I felt comfortable being myself around anybody, really. She made me feel incredibly special. We got into a couple of fights here and there, mainly due to my immaturity and inexperience, but it was never something that we weren't able to smooth over by talking things through. She was perfect for me, and she told me on many an occasion that I was the best boyfriend that she ever had. So you can imagine my devastation when, after I graduated from college and started work in the city away from her, we mutually agreed to part ways due to the distance, the lack of physical contact, and wanting to explore/ meet other people. We still had very strong feelings for one another, but at the same time we were trying to deal with our own needs/ stress of our own priorities. We did limited contact for about a month, and I thought about her everyday. But it soon became obvious that there was a strain between us, in trying not to hold onto the habits that we had while we were in a relationship, but still attempting to hold on to a connection. Not too long ago, she stopped contacting me all together.

 

I saw it as her wanting to give us space to heal without the pressure of the other individual. I could be wrong, but it sounds like your ex is trying to do the same.

 

First things first, I would try and figure out exactly why the two of you ended things. Not for your ex, but for yourself. Then, I would go no-contact, for however long it takes to get over her. Personally, I disagree with some people here on no-contact being forever. Yes, it does mean not seeing, hearing, or talking to your ex whatsoever during this time. Yes, it's an important part of healing that anyone involved in a breakup. Does it mean you'll never be able to interact with your ex again, or maybe even get back together? It really depends; in some situations, say if the two of you had a really bad breakup or one of you cheated, never talking again may be for the best. It really sounds like you two had something special, but any healthy relationship should never be forced, so if that's what you want, respect her decision. In the meantime, you need to try and make the best of your current situation, and improve on yourself. Get into the mentality that if she's worth rebuilding a connection, you'll have to start over from square one.

 

I feel as if I must emphasize that no-contact is a healing period for YOURSELF. NOT for the two of you. Make the best of your current situation and do things that you otherwise wouldn't have been able to do together. Go talk to and meet new people. Get involved in a sport or hobby. Talk to someone about how you feel when you're upset (because those days DO happen).

 

Again, I'm just speaking from the thoughts/ experience that I'm going through right now, and I realize that they're easier said than done. But things will improve, my friend.

 

Take things slowly. Good luck.

[Dottieflanogon]

Your destiny is not tied to anyone who left you ... their part in your story is done, take what you've learned and experienced into your next relationship . Its hard but better things are out there TRUST ME when I say this a few months from now your gonna be on a new path... heartbreak burns and you'll down for a little bit right now your just going through the motions slowly but surely time heals all...everyone goes thru a heartbreak, it sucks but sometimes when life throws curve balls it makes us stronger... The what if's will never be answered just know that you did your all and that person wasnt meant for you .All the best

[Crazt]

Alright, so small update. Dunno if I should make a new thread for it. Apparently the ex has a thing for this guy that she had a small, supposedly meaningless 1 week relationship with in the past. They were best friends while we were dating, and he's a fairly good friend of mine too. Feels kinda like she lied to me even though she told him back when we broke up that she was afraid of falling in love and thats why she ended it. But still, this bugs me a lot. Like I said, it feels like she lied to me and I dont know if what we had meant anything. I kind of snapped last night and put on my twitter that I was angry. I was hanging out with the dude last night because we're friends and nothing has happened yet, and he said he's still thinking about it because he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. But anyways, I saw her put something up on twitter today that said #sorrynotsorry and I feel it's directed at me. I guess now im just really confused about whether she meant what she told me and she has a thing for him but doesn't see it getting as serious as we were, or if she tried to spare my feelings by lying. It's going to bug me either way but I don't really have anywhere else to talk about it.

[Ms Darcy]

Don't communicate with her via twitter anymore. Don't make your issues and anger with her a public event.

[Crazt]

Well I didnt direct it at her, just that I was mad in general. I shouldn't have done it either way, but still. I think the guy told her about how I was mad and she connected the dots though. Right now I'm trying to get my friend back with his ex because they've been broken up for all of three days, or at the very least convince him not to go with my ex. He still has feelings for his ex and so does she, and they're a better fit. He's a good friend of mine and I dont want to lose him because of this. I just wouldn't be able to deal with it, hanging out with him knowing he's with her. I told him he can do whatever feels right but that I don't think it'd be a good idea for him to get with my ex because shes cold and he'll get hurt like I did.

[Dcgent]

You both sound very young. You will grow up more and reflect back on this period in life and laugh it off. So don't overreact too much, although I know it is hard to do that when so young.

[momo5]

NC all the way!! And work on yourself. If you are overweight do something abt it. You will feel much better about yourself as u add value.