Deadinside44 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 How long until my heart stops feeling like it isn't breaking into a million pieces? I have gone through the gamut of emotions in the past 8 hours. It won't stop hurting. Sorry for the random sadness, but I just want to know that it gets better. It seems impossible after 11 years of being so intertwined with another human being that I will every be okay. I feel so broken and that no one will ever love me again. That I will never love again.
lilygirl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It is so painful, no need to apologize for random sadness, and yes, it does get better. Promise. At this early stage, you have to take it very easy, and lean on others for support. Do you have a friend or a family member that you can be with?
howwie314 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I too am very sorry to hear this. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be tough, and it's going to hurt a lot, for quite some time. But it will get better. Take lilygirl's advice. Try not to be alone. You need family and friends to spend time with to take your mind off of the pain you are feeling. People who will support you when you break down in tears randomly. People who will comfort you in your time of pain. You have a lot of those ahead, but remember that life goes on, and better things will come your way. In the mean time try to work on yourself. Pick up a hobby, exercise, take a class, something to better yourself, a goal to work toward. Exercise is especially good, it makes you feel better inside and look better on the outside, which in turn will make you feel even better. Best of luck to you!
chitown9 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 You will learn that the saying, "Time heals all wounds" is true. It will take time, honey. You will go through many changes to get to the point you want to be, but you will get there. There is a whole big world out there waiting for you to explore. It is time for you to get busy with your life. Look into volunteering, learning a new language, learning how to sew, whatever interests you. The main thing is not to stay home ruminating over your breakup. It is done and over with and you are onto a new chapter in your life. You may not think so now, but....the breakup happened for a reason. Taker lemons and make lemonade. chi
HLnoelle Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 It will get better, but not for awhile and that's something you need to come to accept. Eleven years is a long time. At times you will feel numb, you will feel as though you are just going through the motions. But what you don't realize at first is that you are becoming more resilient and stronger. It's actually a very beautiful process even though you may not see the beauty in it now. Also just a thought: do you really need someone else to depend on for your hapiness? I know it was a long relationship, and certainly you should have your time to dwell. It is okay to not be okay. But any time you spend doing so ultimately you're letting someone be in charge of your hapiness. I know people put a lot of pressure on the concept of love, and finding the one. But the truth is, you will be okay, and there are plenty of people out there. So try to relax, and take this time to enjoy being alone.
Deadinside44 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 Thank you. Unfortunately, all my family lives on the other coast and friends, well, never really made any good ones since moving here a year and a half ago. I guess that's why I'm on this board. Also, we live together which makes it even harder. He is somewhere (?) else tonight but inevitably, he will have to come back to deal with things. I thank you for the kind words.
daytoday Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I am also going through a brutally heartbreaking breakup and battling the gamut of emotions as well. I can miss/love/hate/question/accept and deny the breakup -all in-what-seems-like- one thought. This loss is just the latest in a series of gut wrenching experiences I've had to sort through in my life. Ten years ago I was randomly attacked and stabbed with a pair of rusty garden sheers by a derelict and then spent the next 5 years medicating myself. Then I decided to clean up, move to the state where my nephew was and he ended up drowning in a lake shortly after I got here. Then I met a woman of my dreams, opened my own landscaping business and ended up becoming a suspect/accused participant in a crime ring with someone that I simply tried to hire. Then, two years later, when it was finally getting back to normal, I got dumped by that 'woman of my dreams.' So here I am, on an an internet forum just spilling the beans of loss. Let me tell you something that I'm trying to come to terms with: Nobody and I mean nobody is going to help you until you find ways to help yourself. Heed to the cliche advice of exercise (and I mean get into the best shape of your life), find a new or renew a hobby, etc. I've been doing it for the past two months. The pain is so dang intense still but I'm so grateful for the fact that I've been engaged in these activities. I am willing to be a mutual/virtual partner in a self-bettering journey. I know from experience it's going to hurt like no other hurt before. Might as well try to refocus on bettering thyself in the process of yet another loss that seems to be becoming a pattern in this thing called life.
Deadinside44 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 Wow. That's a lot. I know all that stuff about focusing on myself, but there's no way in hell I'm even close to that point at all. I can't sleep and my head and heart hurt too much. I keep thinking this is just a bad dream... that he'll come home and realize he made a mistake. I want that so, so badly. I'm glad to have found this forum and see that I'm not alone.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 If he wants out you should get the living arrangements seperated ASAP. Living with someone who just dumped you...I tried that with my ex wife and after 3 weeks I told her to leave, it was excruciating. We were together 24 years so I know how you feel. It's been 20 months of healing and it's much better now, still some hurt but not the overwhelming grief. Take care, you'll make it.
overthemoon86 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I am so terribly sorry you are going through this right now. I know how it can feel like the deepest corners of darkness and you are all alone there. My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago now we were together for almost 6 years. I know how much it hurts and how even breathing can feel like knives in your soul. It feels like you are living in an alternate reality where you keep reliving the horror over and over. And it just keeps going on. But I can without a doubt tell you that this gets better. I know so because I am better. In fact, I have never been better. Here is a great article that I found that could be helpful. You will be okay. /
Deadinside44 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 If he wants out you should get the living arrangements seperated ASAP. Living with someone who just dumped you...I tried that with my ex wife and after 3 weeks I told her to leave, it was excruciating. We were together 24 years so I know how you feel. It's been 20 months of healing and it's much better now, still some hurt but not the overwhelming grief. Take care, you'll make it. Thank you for responding. It helps to hear from someone who was in quite a longer relationship. I've been frantically scrolling the boards for some semblance of solace and see mostly 5 month to 2 year relationship breakups. I am quite numb at the moment, cycling between random sobbing and crying (barely have any liquid left to cry) and just going through motions. I still feel like this is just a dream, some really bad dream that I will wake up from. I agree with the living arrangements. He wasn't here last night and in fact I have no idea where he is. But it would be as you say, excruciating, to live together. I am going to see an apartment this morning...really scared. I don't want to make this real.
Deadinside44 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 I am so terribly sorry you are going through this right now. I know how it can feel like the deepest corners of darkness and you are all alone there. My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago now we were together for almost 6 years. I know how much it hurts and how even breathing can feel like knives in your soul. It feels like you are living in an alternate reality where you keep reliving the horror over and over. And it just keeps going on. But I can without a doubt tell you that this gets better. I know so because I am better. In fact, I have never been better. Here is a great article that I found that could be helpful. You will be okay. ] Thank you for this. I started reading the article but had to stop because I was sobbing too much. I will keep it to read later. I feel like I am cycling between being numb and going through motions and just outright sobbing and wanting to hurt myself. I keep thinking it is all a bad dream. That I just need to wake up.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Thank you for responding. It helps to hear from someone who was in quite a longer relationship. I've been frantically scrolling the boards for some semblance of solace and see mostly 5 month to 2 year relationship breakups. I am quite numb at the moment, cycling between random sobbing and crying (barely have any liquid left to cry) and just going through motions. I still feel like this is just a dream, some really bad dream that I will wake up from. I agree with the living arrangements. He wasn't here last night and in fact I have no idea where he is. But it would be as you say, excruciating, to live together. I am going to see an apartment this morning...really scared. I don't want to make this real. Believe me I know EXACTLY what you're gong through. It's mind boggling. But you have to live it, go through it. I can honestly say staying in any kind of contact with someone who dumped you is a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. I did that for wayyyyyy too long. Always certain this was an anomaly and we would work it out. NOPE. She made her choice and not overnight, she was emotionally finished by the time she told me. She would LOVE to be friends but I told her forget it. She needs to live with her choice.
surfdiva Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Thank you for responding. It helps to hear from someone who was in quite a longer relationship. I've been frantically scrolling the boards for some semblance of solace and see mostly 5 month to 2 year relationship breakups. I am quite numb at the moment, cycling between random sobbing and crying (barely have any liquid left to cry) and just going through motions. I still feel like this is just a dream, some really bad dream that I will wake up from. I agree with the living arrangements. He wasn't here last night and in fact I have no idea where he is. But it would be as you say, excruciating, to live together. I am going to see an apartment this morning...really scared. I don't want to make this real. I am SO sorry you're going through this. I was married for 17 years and my husband literally out of nowhere came home and told me he didn't love me anymore and was moving out (turns out he was having an affair). I honestly was so shocked that I physically couldn't eat and went into a pretty severe depression. It took a while and I had my ups and downs but I did get through it. I couldn't look at the future without my husband, but I could look at things one day at a time. Don't think long term right now, just get through every minute, every hour and every day. I'm going through another breakup right now and as much as I hurt, I look back to my divorce, if I can get through that, I can get through anything and so can you, I promise. It just doesn't feel like it right now.
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 While your advice makes me sad, I know that you are only speaking from the truth. I can't make someone be in love with me. I think that's the hardest thing. Feeling so helpless.Wanting the situation to be different so badly, but not being able to do a damn thing about it. So far, living it and going through it sucks. Not to mention, the loss of appetite and sleep....just looking at food makes me want to vomit and I probably got 1 hour of restless sleep last night. I spent the day looking for places to live and it looks dismal....but there is one option.
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Believe me I know EXACTLY what you're gong through. It's mind boggling. But you have to live it, go through it. I can honestly say staying in any kind of contact with someone who dumped you is a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. I did that for wayyyyyy too long. Always certain this was an anomaly and we would work it out. NOPE. She made her choice and not overnight, she was emotionally finished by the time she told me. She would LOVE to be friends but I told her forget it. She needs to live with her choice. I replied to you but forgot to quote you and don't know how this forum works all that well.... see #15 post.
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 I am SO sorry you're going through this. I was married for 17 years and my husband literally out of nowhere came home and told me he didn't love me anymore and was moving out (turns out he was having an affair). I honestly was so shocked that I physically couldn't eat and went into a pretty severe depression. It took a while and I had my ups and downs but I did get through it. I couldn't look at the future without my husband, but I could look at things one day at a time. Don't think long term right now, just get through every minute, every hour and every day. I'm going through another breakup right now and as much as I hurt, I look back to my divorce, if I can get through that, I can get through anything and so can you, I promise. It just doesn't feel like it right now. Thank you friend. I will take your advice..every minute, every hour, one day at a time. Still, won't someone wake me up from this nightmare????
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Of course! All the places that are available to rent now are like literally blocks from where he works. This town is too small. Feeling hopeless.
lilygirl Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I have had a couple of rough endings in the the last three years so I remember the early days of heartbreak. The thing that helped was taking it one day at a time, or hour by hour at some points. It is withdrawal my friend, so raw and painful, and yes, the lack of sleep and food are all part of this messy business. The thing that helped me was to focus on your basic needs. You must rest, I know it is hard, but lack of sleep will catch up with you and make things a gazillion times worse. I don't take medication very often but in the early days I did take a sleeping pill as I needed it. And as far as the food goes, little bits of something, perhaps a little soup and some crackers will help. Hot baths, whatever comforts you. Do you have to stay in this small town?
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 I have had a couple of rough endings in the the last three years so I remember the early days of heartbreak. The thing that helped was taking it one day at a time, or hour by hour at some points. It is withdrawal my friend, so raw and painful, and yes, the lack of sleep and food are all part of this messy business. The thing that helped me was to focus on your basic needs. You must rest, I know it is hard, but lack of sleep will catch up with you and make things a gazillion times worse. I don't take medication very often but in the early days I did take a sleeping pill as I needed it. And as far as the food goes, little bits of something, perhaps a little soup and some crackers will help. Hot baths, whatever comforts you. Do you have to stay in this small town? I'm going to try to at least drink this smoothie and get sleep tonight and try to eat actual food tomorrow. It's hard. I know I should be taking care of my basic needs but damn, it's effing difficult...I'm trying. Thank you for the kind reminder and for taking time to reach out to me. I don't think you really know how much that means to me right now. I love this town so much...I don't want that to be taken from me too 😢.
lilygirl Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 You are welcome. I hope you can get some sleep tonight... if you love your town then you should stay there but nothing wrong with a temporary change of scenery while you figure things out.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 For the first 8 months or so I would wake at 3am and just have that skin crawling feeling, so unreal. Getting over a long term relationship is HELL. Like I said its been 20 months now...appetite is back (oh oh lol) and sleep is not a problem. And I have learned to just hate her and her choices. Anger has helped me get to acceptance. But I'm sorry, what I've read there isn't a short cut. You have to just go through it. My only advice is cut all contact ASAP so it doesn't keep you stuck. Took me awhile to really grasp that but it's true. Hang in there, as time goes by it gets easier..it really does.
tadpole3 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 My relationship was nine years when he dumped me a couple of years ago. Making it real...like you said, feels like it will be wrenching, but on the other hand, it is uplifting as you start to do things for yourself. I found that joining meet-up groups in activities I like, really helped and was the greates thing in my healing. It doesn't seem like it, doesn't seem like you can get your mind off of it, but it really does help. It took a great deal of energy for me to finally get up and go (I joined tennis and book-club) but once I did it was great. Many times I turned around but I was sorry that I had turned around, once I finally made it to the activities! I know it will be a long road ahead for you and these forums are a wonderful support.
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 For the first 8 months or so I would wake at 3am and just have that skin crawling feeling, so unreal. Getting over a long term relationship is HELL. Like I said its been 20 months now...appetite is back (oh oh lol) and sleep is not a problem. And I have learned to just hate her and her choices. Anger has helped me get to acceptance. But I'm sorry, what I've read there isn't a short cut. You have to just go through it. My only advice is cut all contact ASAP so it doesn't keep you stuck. Took me awhile to really grasp that but it's true. Hang in there, as time goes by it gets easier..it really does. I've read some of your older posts and can see how anger helped. I wish I could turn to anger. But he's done nothing wrong. He has fallen out of love with me he says. How can I be angry at someone's feelings. It will be hard to stop contact ASAP because we live together. Right now, he is somewhere (motel, friends???) but the reality is that he is going to have to come back. The soonest place I can get that will work with my now carless situation is sometime the end of next week...maybe. Housing options here are limited and I don't have many friends here having just recently moved here. Your healing gives me strength and hope. It just seems so far off.
Deadinside44 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 My relationship was nine years when he dumped me a couple of years ago. Making it real...like you said, feels like it will be wrenching, but on the other hand, it is uplifting as you start to do things for yourself. I found that joining meet-up groups in activities I like, really helped and was the greates thing in my healing. It doesn't seem like it, doesn't seem like you can get your mind off of it, but it really does help. It took a great deal of energy for me to finally get up and go (I joined tennis and book-club) but once I did it was great. Many times I turned around but I was sorry that I had turned around, once I finally made it to the activities! I know it will be a long road ahead for you and these forums are a wonderful support. Thank you for the support. I am not anywhere near the "doing things for myself" stage. I'm trying hard though. It's definitely a long and scary road when I look down it.
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