Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 So a month and a bit ago me and my Girlfriend of 10 months broke up. I'm 18 and she's 17, and we loved each other so much, more so than I ever thought I could love a person, I know she felt the same as me. We had been planning what to do about going away to university and we both told each other independently that we thought the other was our true soul mate. We broke up because I had lots of issues at home with controlling parents and stuff like that meaning I couldn't see her as often as I should have, and any time we had wasn't that quality time. It was NOT because our feelings towards each other had changed, we spoke, kissed, and got together as lovers at parties and other occasions since then. I had been planning on asking her if she wanted to be together properly again, I had been working so hard on my home situation and it was all getting much better. But I came back from a family holiday last week to find that she'd started a thing with another guy, who is a really nice guy who told her he liked her a few weeks ago. While she'd been doing that, and before then, she'd been playing me, telling me how she missed me and wanted to be back with me. She'd even said that this guy couldn't compare to me in any way. I got very angry with her on a few occasions since then because I felt betrayed by her after putting in so much effort and trying to make it all work out between us and being so close to being back together with her. I said some awful things, I even plead with her to take me back, but she won't at the moment, but says maybe some time in the future. She said that me being angry at her (which I wholly regret, not because it's ruined any chances to be with her soon but because I don't want to hurt her - my love for her drove me to doing what I did, despite the fact it was horrible and I know I shouldn't have done it, and I have apologised to her) brought her closer to him, and it's more upsetting because it seems that in the first few days of their thing, they did sexual things that we waited months for, which she was scared of at first and which we waited for for months and months for her to be totally comfortable with it. I've talked to her about this and she says that I should be better competition against this guy. I've told her I love her and would do anything to be with her again but it seems her love for me has gone. I've asked her not to discount a relationship with me because my home situation is getting largely better. I've told her the truth that in a couple of months I would be in a situation to start a relationship, and that I will always love her. I think this was a mistake, and I'm going to leave the two of them to it and erase them from my life for a few weeks, though this will be difficult as we're all in the same college and see each other pretty much every day. After this I plan to talk to her again, and see if she has any feelings for me still (I won't directly ask her). I am aware that I have been quite pathetic but I'm heart broken and confused, I love this girl more than anything, what should I do? Does anyone think there is any hope for us in the nearish future? What can I do to get her to feel like she did towards me without manipulating her (which I refuse to do, you don't do that to people you love) or using her? Is there a chance she still wants to be with me after the awful things I've said to her? I am prepared to work and wait for this relationship to happen. I would really really appreciate some advice right now, thanks so much in advance.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Well she was in a relationship with you and now she's with her new guy. Whiles she's with him there's zero you can do. Get on with your own life and learn from this relationship. You can't control someone else's feelings and she made her feelings perfectly clear. It's hard but you have to let it go.
Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Thank you for replying - yes I can see what you're saying, I will take that on board, thank you - I just don't understand how her feelings for me can change so quickly, though I know it's due to me being horrible, but I feel like what she did to me was ten times worse, and I still love her to pieces - it's probably just me being horrifically immature, something that I will work on. It's also hard because the time I spent with her has been the best time of my life, it's like I was a different person for 10 months. I will get over it and let it go though. Thank you.
overthemoon86 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 ahh young love...I know how much it can hurt and feel like the end of the world, especially with it being your first go around. But I promise you there is a big world out there and you will love again. Just give yourself time and forget this girl, she is already on to the next one.
Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Ok I will take that on board, but please understand that I don't think she is entirely over me. When we talked she was pretty much saying that she would consider being back with me, and she's already said that if I hadn't been so horrible to her about it, she would have ended her thing with this guy and got back with me already. I just really really hope there's a chance for us in the future, however selfish I'm probably being thinking and saying all this.
overthemoon86 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 so you want to be with a girl who dropped you in an instant to be with someone else because you "misbehaved?" Are you serious here? Come on, please have some more self respect than that.
Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 I don't think she has dropped me totally, she wants to be with me, I know she does because she's said, but she can't because of my home situation - it did genuinely hurt her. I wouldn't be wanting to be with her so much if she hadn't helped me so much when I was with her, she gave me so much confidence and helped me to be proud of myself instead of how I was before. It's probably pathetic of me but that's how I'm feeling at the moment.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Look the reality is if she wanted to be with you she would be with you. If someone really truly wants to be with someone they will make that known big time. You're trying to convince yourself she wants to be with you but because of A B and C she isn't. Breaking up is a crappy situation but she's with someone else now. She's keeping you as her fall back plan i.e. Option B. Don't be that guy.
Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 You're totally right. I'm slowly beginning to see the light on the whole thing, I'm just extremely confused and upset right now. If she shows me that she wants to be with me in a realistic, no bull way, then I will consider, but I don't see that happening so I'll learn to let go of her.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Please try reading this guide when u have time, it really helped me after my wife left me. Good luck, you'll get through it. http://Www.breakuprecoveryguide.com
Bairdo97 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Anything I'm going through must be so tiny compared to that, it must have been so rough for you, I'm so sorry - thank you, I'll give it a shot x
kbbcoop77 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Pain is pain, it's all a heartbreak. Thanks for your comments, you'll be ok. After you heal a bit you have your whole life ahead of you. Have fun! Don't get hung up on one girl so young. Get it all out of your system first, best thing I ever did before settling down. My marriage lasted 24 years so I'm just enjoying being single now. Lot less stress lol.
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