Girlfriend with trust issues, would appreciate advice

[Kukulkan]

Firstly, cheers for your time and any kind of advice.

 

I have been in a relationship now for about a month and a half, I am 27 she is 31. As much as she is an awesome person and I really enjoy our time together, it has slowly surfaced that she has some trust issues.

 

As an example, she says she feels brilliant while we are together, but always questions what am I doing while we are apart during the day. She always questions wether I have another woman in me life or if I am seeing my mates, especially if they are female, thou she met all of me female friends, who btw have boyfriends themselves.

 

On many occasions I have told her that I don't have any interest in other women than her, but I just don't know what else to do to make her slowly loosen up with these issues. I am loving and caring, showing her affection and moreover not lying nor being dishonest, but I sometimes think that due to these issues I might have to choose between me mates and her, if she constantly questions why/where/with whom I am even thou I tell her the truth and don't have a reason to lie.

 

Moreover, I had an abuse past relationship, so I should be the one with the trusting issues, but I have started fresh with this girl, after one year of abstinence of any kind of relationship.

 

I was never a bloke who would flirt or go behind someone's back, especially if I am in a committed relationship, so I am at a puzzle how and what should I do to gain her trust, although I haven't done anything to loose it in the first place.

 

The group of friends I am hanging with don't care if, for example, someone's girlfriend spends time with other mates without him or if she hangs with his mates without him. To her (me girlfriend) that is a bit odd, which I respect in a sense that she never had that kind of experience in friendships before.

 

If someone with similar situation or just plainly someone who can shed a light on what can I do as I truly want to have a trustful relationship.

 

Cheers again for any advice/input!

[DoF]

The group of friends I am hanging with don't care if, for example, someone's girlfriend spends time with other mates without him or if she hangs with his mates without him. To her (me girlfriend) that is a bit odd, which I respect in a sense that she never had that kind of experience in friendships before.

 

 

To me it's not just a bit odd, it extremely odd. Why would a girl or a guy want to hang out with their friends girl friend/boyfriend. For what? What's the point?

 

If you or your friends think that IN TIME this won't cause issues.....well, learn the hard way. But nature WILL take it's course. Take 2 members of opposite sex and have them spend extended period of time together, things WILL happen. It's simple human nature IMO.

 

Then you take the fact that relationships, just like life is full of ups and downs....and during those downs they will be hanging out with opposite sex....it's a recipe for disaster.

 

Then there is the whole fact that most/99% of guys will never hang out with a girl that they don't find attractive.

 

 

 

I can come up with 1 million other examples as well.....in general, engaging with opposite sex friends is inappropriate and disrespectful towards your relationship.

 

As for your girl and to answer your original question. You guys are mismatched completely and her insecurities will never end, as they shouldn't.

 

Good luck ever having a healthy long term relationship while engaging with opposite sex friends. LOTS of luck.

[Man with Dog]

OK, I've never been to Serbia so can't comment on any relationship "norms". It is highly likely that many people hang out with members of the opposite gender during work hours or just after. Depending on the person, many people just don't like their partner hanging around with anyone else outside work hours regardless of gender.

 

My wife and I had both been cheated on, so were both insecure. Now 20+ years later, we are still together and never cheated.

 

I'd wait a while. It might just clear up.

[Willywagtail]

If she's constantly asking you about your friends and where you are - after 2 months, then yes, she has trust issues.

 

Sadly, there is nothing YOU can do about it. It's up to her to learn to trust you and you can turn yourself inside out being the 'perfect BF', but if she has trust issues then nothing you will do will convince her.

 

I suggest talking to her and let her know that yoiu don't want to be reassuring her all the time, or having to account for your movements or tell her what friends you've been with. Tell her you care about her and want to be in a relationhsip with her, but that SHE has to step up and deal with her issues. People in relationships have other friends and other interests apart from their BF/GF - she's an adult, she should know that by now.

[Man with Dog]

People in relationships have other friends and other interests apart from their BF/GF - she's an adult, she should know that by now.

 

I've always thought this was the "norm" in the UK/USA but an increasing number of people, of which I'm one, don't have any social life away from my partner. In fact, we rarely go out socially at all, mostly through money troubles. Also, we found it hard to maintain friendships when bringing up our daughter. Perhaps many people now have this expectation. I don't think there's any big right/wrong on this. The issue is where a couple aren't on the same chapter. IN your case, you should say that you do have friends that you want to see and she either accepts it or you find a partner that will accept it. She can then find someone who doesn't have friends who she can live happily in a cocoon with.

 

IN any case, after TWO MONTHS, it is too soon to be ditching friends for a partner.

[Kukulkan]

Thank you all for your replies and inputs/advices, I really appreciate it.

 

I completely agree about what you all said, I don't want to choose between me friends and me partner.

 

The reason for all of that trust issue is probably due to the insecurity, as she is always asking for validation that I will be faithful to her only etc., which I always confirm that I will and have not gave any reason for doubt, whatsoever.

 

Sometimes I wonder how and what should I do to reassure her. If I constantly need to reassure her, then it will eventually be unhealthy, but if I don't figure the way to do it she might feel worse. I am really in a pickle with this.