rose78 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 My boyfriend and i have been together almost 4 months now, and things are going pretty well. However, i am having an issue with his lack of suggesting/spending time with me. He works in retail so sometimes he gets days off in the week, but i usually feel like i am suggesting hanging out. For example, i know he has tomorrow off but he hasn't suggested hanging out with me and i know he has no plans tomorrow. I don't want him to revolve his world around me, but am i being unreasonable getting a little upset that i know he has the day off and hasn't asked me to do anything? It seems a pattern with him and i think he would be okay doing something only once a week, but i am just used to seeing someone i am in a relationship with a lot more than this, and i don't want to complain to him about it. Should i take a back seat and stop suggesting hanging out? I am wondering if most of the time he doesn't because he assumes i will ask, but it is making me feel like he doesn't really care that much about seeing me.
Starseed98 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Maybe he just wants to use his day off to just chill. Guy time, me time whatever it is guys want to do with their spare time. I wouldn't approach him about it, if he wanted to spend time with you, he will suggest it.
Pixels Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Do you do stuff he likes to do? Does he like stuff you like to do? Hanging out takes two... Can't expect him to spend his day off with you if he wants to do stuff you don't like... Maybe he's unaware? Maybe he actually does assume you'll ask? Nobody here can tell you, so just communicate with him.
Missed Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Have you had the exclusive talk yet? I think by the 4 - 6 month stage one would think that you are in a relationship and 'past' the dating stage. Therefore doing the relationshippy things, like staying together and just assume if you both have a day off then would spend the day together unless you both had other stuff to get done. Sounds a little one sided. My partner and I have been together a little longer and we spend most of our spare time together, even though we both work full time and he has a son to also juggle but we make it work. It takes effort from both sides, suggest doing something together on his day off, and if he makes up an excuse not to, then you have your answer...
HeartGoesOn Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 If you're reluctant to discuss this after 4 months of dating, that doesn't say much about the future of your relationship. When in a healthy relationship, there should be no fear of having an adult conversation. In any event, don't assume and don't play games.
rose78 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Yes we are exclusive. I guess it depends what you consider serious, but his longest relationship has only been about 10 months and he is 32. He also doesn't like me (or any girlfriend he has had in the past), staying over. He said he was concerned they would think they were moving in if they stayed too often? Lol. He did have me stay this last weekend though and he initiated that. I guess when i know he has the day off and isn't doing anything i wish he would suggest to hang out.
Missed Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 Yes we are exclusive. I guess it depends what you consider serious, but his longest relationship has only been about 10 months and he is 32. He also doesn't like me (or any girlfriend he has had in the past), staying over. He said he was concerned they would think they were moving in if they stayed too often? Lol. He did have me stay this last weekend though and he initiated that. I guess when i know he has the day off and isn't doing anything i wish he would suggest to hang out. He does sound very set in his ways then. Doesn't like women staying over? Umm what happens in the future, will you always live apart?! You both should be at the stage where you want to spend every waking minute together! Him especially!
rose78 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 I agree and this is what bothers me. i feel like he is a little self centered in how much alone time he likes and wants (although he works a lot so maybe i am being selfish saying that), but if he has work early he goes to bed at a certain time to guarantee he gets at least 8 hours of sleep, so it is pretty much guaranteed if i don't see him on a day off i won't see him any evening after work either as he won't stay out late and goes to bed early.
notalady Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I don't agree with wanting to spend every waking moment together. But it is a concern that he said he doesn't like women staying over and saying that he's worried they would just automatically move in! It should be very acceptable and normal to stay over sometimes by this stage. I think it's time to talk about relationship expectations, in terms of how often you both want to see each other and what are both of your thoughts about living together (and when would be an appropriate time to do so down the track), which may also make him realise that you're not just going to move in without you both making a collective decision to do so.
rose78 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. I just feel like bringing it up is asking my boyfriend to see me more but i want him to do it naturally. He is off today and isn't doing anything, so i just feel like doing nothing is better than seeing me. I don't know if breaking up with someone over this is a bit too harsh, but i'm not happy with it.
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