Breakup during exchange trip

[JaxTeller]

Hello guys,

 

This is my first post in this forum. I should say that the last couple months are being the worst times in my entire life

 

Let me tell you my story.

 

Me and my girlfriend were together for 3 years. I'm 34 years old, she's 23, we're from Brazil. Earlier this year she signed up for a 3-moth exchange trip to California, USA (august to November), and I've decided to visit a friend in Asia and stay there for 2 months almost at the same time (august-september). So by the time I would come back, I would just wait her for one month (and probably go visit her in the last 2 weeks of november). That was the plan.

 

Since the beginning of this year we had the most amazing months together, until August when I went to Asia. Everything was fine in the first 2 weeks there, but then suddenly my friend (who lived there) had to come back to Brazil because his mom was sick and dying. After he left, I started to feel lonely and a little bit needy with my GF (who was already in California). As the days passed, I've started to become more and more jealous as my girlfriend was already meeting new people, going out to clubs etc.

 

Then I had the brilliant stupid idea of changing my vacations plans, and instead of staying in Asia for a more couple weeks, I've asked her about joining her in USA and spend the last 2 months of her course with her. For me it was the perfect plan! When I told her about the idea, she seemed happy with it, but a little bit worried that me being there would slow down her english learning, but one day after she said it was OK for me to go, so I bought the tickets. But it wasn't really OK for her, in fact she didn't wanted me to go because she wanted to have this "break" to live this moment for herself. As soon as she told me that a couple days later, then I REALLY started to feel needy, insecure, always trying to 'control' her from distance, trying to convince her that it would be actually nice if I went there and be part of the overall experience living there together etc... yeah, it was a disaster. Finally, I ended up going to California anyway, even knowing it would be a strange situation that we would have to deal with and resolve. I thought it would be just hard, but it was horrible. When I got there, she was a cold stone. We had fights and ended up broking up after 2 days I was there. 3 days after I was flying back to Brazil. Crying like an idiot.

 

After that, she had told me that we needed to take a break, she stopped talking to me in Whatsapp (we used to talk every day, all day long), became more cold, distant, and asked for space. I've insisted and chased more, trying to know what was really going on, if there was another guy, if there was some feelings from her yet, and all she said is that her feelings have changed, but she told that we would talk only when she gets back to Brazil (45 days later). After that she said she needed space, and that was doing the opposite of giving her space, which would push her further away.

 

I then decided to go No Contact for 2 weeks after that, giving her some space. When those 2 weeks ended (which was 2 weeks ago), I've tried to call her (she didn't pick up), then texted her insisting in talking over the phone. Then she called me back. She was like a total stranger, cold voice, told me that yes we were broken up, made it kind of clear that she was going out and having fun and meeting other guys, and when I asked if we still have hope when she come back to Brazil, she said "I don't know, right now I don't think so"...

 

It's being 2 and a half weeks and went FULLY NO CONTACT with her. She will come back to Brazil in the end of the next week (Nov 13).

 

Before all this tragic trip, I felt we were very in love, and she always said how important I was in her life. We used to make plans for the future, living togheter, getting married etc...

 

But now, with all that happened, I don't really know what to do. I don't know if she still has some feelings for me, if she will contact me when she comes back and try to figure things out or fix them, or if she won't even contact me and leave things the way they are, move on and forget about me.

 

And the worst: I still feel I love her more than ever, realized all the things I could have done better during our relationship, and even my head telling me that all that she has done was very wrong, my heart wants her back desperately.

 

What you guys think of all this, and what should I do?

 

Thank you.

[kbbcoop77]

What should you do? Get on with your life without her, she's finished, it's over. She's dating other guys and has made it clear with actions and words she's no longer interested in a relationship with you. It sucks but life goes on. Do not count days of NC anymore, just make it forever.

 

Quite honestly you really crowded her showing up like that, she gave you enough hints that she preferred to be on her own during that time. Rescheduling your trip and showing up at her door turned her off. You appeared too needy and desperate. Learn from this.