mjoao93 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 So, my ex bf dumped me 2 days ago because I got fed up with his "friendship" with his ex. So I blew up on him and insulted him and her BADLY. The thing is, she's living in his house (started living there after she found out me and him were dating) and he claims it's because she has family issues and they are "just friends", which I don't believe. He basically made me feel like I am the crazy one and dumped me. I am not sad because it's over, I am sad because I allowed him to take me out of character in that way. He also has another female roommate, both of whom he never let me meet. His ex has broken his heart in the past but if that's who he chose what can I do. I just want some advice on how to cope and also if he does come back what should I do? Because he said we should be "friends" but I feel like that's his way of trying to put me on the back burner while he figures things out with her. Also, she didn't come back into the picture until she found out me and him were seeing each other. So is it right to assume that once she's sure I'm gone she will go back to her abusive ways (she treated him like in the past)? I'm sorry I know it doesn't matter but I am really upset. I feel terrible.
jobelle Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 You dodged a bullet. I know you're hurting right now and I am sorry you're going through this but in the end you'll be glad he broke up with you. Seriously, who needs a guy who is roomies with his ex-girlfriend (and one more female roommate he never introduced you to)?? The answer: no one. Go no contact forever and find yourself a guy that does not live with his ex AND acts as a douche when you get jealous about it... or just a guy that does not live with his ex. I promise, there's plenty out there.
ladystardust Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I don't blame you for feeling that way ... I would be super suspicious if my bf's ex moved in with him ... especially if it only happened after she found out you two were dating. I had a relationship end in the past because of my boyfriend's weird relationship with his ex-wife ... I felt like he was always putting her needs before mine ... if you're in the relationship with the guy, he should put you first ... not his ex.
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 So, my ex bf dumped me 2 days ago because I got fed up with his "friendship" with his ex. Why didn't YOU dump him is a bigger question! Do NOT engage with people that never closed past chapters of their love life.....you are simply asking for trouble. So I blew up on him and insulted him and her BADLY. The thing is, she's living in his house (started living there after she found out me and him were dating) and he claims it's because she has family issues and they are "just friends", which I don't believe. And now I will tell you that you are completely out of your mind to not break up with him...... He basically made me feel like I am the crazy one and dumped me. I am not sad because it's over, I am sad because I allowed him to take me out of character in that way. He also has another female roommate, both of whom he never let me meet. His ex has broken his heart in the past but if that's who he chose what can I do. I just want some advice on how to cope and also if he does come back what should I do? Because he said we should be "friends" but I feel like that's his way of trying to put me on the back burner while he figures things out with her. Also, she didn't come back into the picture until she found out me and him were seeing each other. So is it right to assume that once she's sure I'm gone she will go back to her abusive ways (she treated him like in the past)? I'm sorry I know it doesn't matter but I am really upset. I feel terrible. Stay away from guys that engage into "friendships" with women. Mostly because 99% of the guys will never be friends with a girl that they don't want/have no attraction towards. I would be thankful that he dumped you and REALLY take a closer look in the mirror and re evaluate yourself. There is something wrong with you to not just engage with such person but also to pursue relationship and sustain it. Sorry to be so rough on you, I think you need it! I think you should be jumping around in joy and be extremely happy that he ended for you and this chapter of your life is finally closed. How to move on you ask? Ask him to never reach out to you again, block/ignore him. Take 3-6 months to heal/recover, in time you will feel better. Remember, any contact = reset of your healing time, so don't allow him to creep back in. And stay away from opposite sex during that time as well. You are going to laugh really long and hard at yourself in couple of months......watch
92151794 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Omg this is like deja vu for me had an almost exact experience with my ex his ex moved into the same building with her new bf after my ex's grandmother who I thought was on my side tipped her off to where he was so she moved into the building lol his grandma even payed his first month rent to get him in sooner i know now why and my ex was living with some other woman as a roommate without seeing if it was ok with me first. I got fed up and dumped him basically because of his damn ex getting in-between us.and taking me for granted being too distracted by her They ended up getting back together and it still hurts but i don't care much for them.she was abusive to him too and cheated and got preggo as result and still cheats and treats him horribly it hurts he treats someone better who treats him like and me someone who treated him with respect showed me so little. He's with someone who is toxic and isn't deserving of anything but won't leave Basically you did the right thing I know it hurts now and it will for a while it will get easier but yeah you did dodge a bullet. I am still dealing with the breakup I still do deeply love him and it hurts he is in the hands of someone who will abuse him but i can't do anything about it as he claims he is addicted to her and they have kids together and so he wants to keep it together it hurts but has got a tiny bit easier the last time I saw him I visited him at the hospital after he attempted suicide due to stress caused by her and her cheating. I kind of said a goodbye implying he won't see me again and have returned to no contact which is working. I too wish he somehow will come back and ask for another chance but have come to the conclusion it is unlikely and its best to leave it in fates hands thats all you should really do and if it happens it happens but continue low/nocontact to heal and move on so your not waiting around till it does. If you choose to take him back keep him at arms length and express what needs to be changed and how he hurt you early on. I wish you the best and hope you are feeling better. I know the struggle good luck xxx
mjoao93 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 @DoF I have been thinking and I do think I have some serious self esteem issues for dealing with this type of situation. I appreciate your harshness because it is true. He doesn't deserve me and I deserve to move on. In some way I am glad he ended it because I don't think I ever would have.
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 @DoF I have been thinking and I do think I have some serious self esteem issues for dealing with this type of situation. I appreciate your harshness because it is true. He doesn't deserve me and I deserve to move on. In some way I am glad he ended it because I don't think I ever would have. Honestly, you sound JUST LIKE ME 15 years ago. I've been there. DO NOT think of any of this as a great ending, think of it as a great new beginning. Just take time off to heal/recover and clear your mind. No opposite sex contact. Fix yourself and never EVER stop re evaluating yourself or working on yourself. That's what maturity/adulthood is really about!!! Also, 5 love languages.....read it few times and STUDY IT!!! Trust me on this.
mjoao93 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 @DoF okay I will check it out. @92151794 thanks for sharing your experience. I think both of our guys don't love themselves so they choose women who reinforce their negative perceptions of themselves. A person who loves themselves does not chase after someone who abuses them and hurts them but I guess in the same sense I can say the same about myself. I will be taking the next couple of months to heal. I am proud that I have not been stalking his social media and will maintain that.
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 @DoF okay I will check it out. @92151794 thanks for sharing your experience. I think both of our guys don't love themselves so they choose women who reinforce their negative perceptions of themselves. A person who loves themselves does not chase after someone who abuses them and hurts them but I guess in the same sense I can say the same about myself. I will be taking the next couple of months to heal. I am proud that I have not been stalking his social media and will maintain that. Do a search on my name and Mind Diversion. Should be helpful. Also, do LOTS of physical activity and eat a healthy diet!!! All of these in harmony do wonders to your mental/physical state and help you with recovery etc. Life in general as well. Good luck
Man with Dog Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Sound like he's lining you up for a foursome with his ex and other roommate. Run for the hills!
92151794 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Yes thats exactly what they were doing now that I think about it and on some level I also am guilt of it in a way i allowed myself to get burned bad. but at least you and I are smart and do recognize this disfunction in they're case in terms of abusive people and if we were essentially in they're place we would walk away when it gets to that degree and not endure the abuse these women inflict. I do hope both guys do find they're way and seek some kind of help. But its up to them to do so. I am glad you are taking time for yourself that is a good first step I've started that journey again too. I wish you all the best.
ParisPaulette Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 First, if he wouldn't even let you meet either woman then let's face it, he was banging them both most likely or wanting to and didn't want you meeting the competition. Second, you cope by blocking him on everything, refusing to be "friends" 'cause you know already he has a history of using exes as part of a harem and you heal and move on. Third, if he comes back tell him to F off and keep on without him. Seriously, you put up with wayyyyyy more crap from this guy than most would. I'd have ended it when he refused to introduce me to the women he lived with, especially an ex-girlfriend. Guy wants a harem, but you don't so it's time to bail for good. You deserve better.
catfeeder Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 The only disaster was not exiting this thing in the first place. My own private rule is that I will not involve myself with anyone who's involved with an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. Period. You've learned WHY, and so now you'll know better to screen out this kind of problem before it can ever occur again.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.