Ex on the fence about getting back together

[anecdotic]

Hi. I recently broke up with my ex (of around a year) a few weeks ago. It was sort of a mutual decision (I was planning to, but not on that day and it would have been after giving him a chance to change) and he was the one who officially ended it through text before I got the opportunity to explain my feelings. I didn't argue with him, as for I knew I would have ended it within a week or so.

 

With that said, I immediately regretted not trying harder to save the relationship, and have been trying to get back with him ever since. We do talk about what went wrong in the relationship, and we are both on the same page with what we want next time. I also make it known to him that I don't want a relationship right now, but I need to know on his end if there is a future possibility. The only response he is able to give me is: "I can't get back together now and I don't know when Ill feel like I'm in a place I can." When he came to pick up his stuff, he lingered around and was opening up to me much more than before. When he was leaving, he hugged me and said "I miss you," while kissing me on my forehead and then trying for my lips. I immediately pulled away and asked why he did that, as for I don't do friends with benefits and don't want to give him that idea. In my mind, I am very internally conflicted because I want to wait but then I think about the fact that I may be closing myself off to other people who want me. It is pure agony.

 

Any suggestions or insight on what to do or what he really means? My "gut" tells me he will come back, but what hurts is that it may be too late.

[ntAgainPetunia]

What you both need is time apart to process your feelings. A lot of times people will recommend NC. I think in your case LC might be better since it was amicable. If that turns out to be too painful, you could always let him know you need time without any contact to process how you feel.

 

The wait vs. date decision is hard, but since this is still fresh, go with wait. If in a few weeks you think you could handle a low-key date, go for it. In my case, my ex and I have been apart for 3 months, and I just recently went on a couple of dates. That said, I'd also like to reconcile with her, so dating is ok, but a new relationship is not.

[anecdotic]

I appreciate your response.

 

So how exactly do I go about LC? I have been the one to initiate most of the conversations, and he has only done so once. I am confused with what he wants, because he says yes and no when I ask him if I should move on. More specifically, he says yes because it is unfair, and no because a part of him wants to be with me. He seems rather depressed about what happened, as well, and I feel bad for him. It is definitely painful not to have an answer from him, yet he gives me the signs he doesn't want to move on.

 

I agree that it is good to go on a few dates, but not to go into another relationship. Three months is a long time to be apart, and it is respectful to hear you were able to be that strong. I'm worried that I would get over my ex and not want him back by that point.

[ntAgainPetunia]

Think of it this way: in three months, if you are over your ex, you probably dodged a bullet because it wasn't love that compelled you to reconcile. If you aren't over your ex, well, you aren't over. In either case, you are three months into your healing. This also goes for your ex with the added knowledge that there is nothing you can do to make him want to be with you, but plenty of ways to make him not want to.

 

You have to focus on yourself and your healing. His pain is his and only his to go through.

 

By LC, you keep things light, informal and infrequent, like you were talking to a casual friend. No relationship talk! Just casual, like "boy, that sure is weather we're having, dontcha think?" In the meantime, keep yourself busy so that you aren't tempted to text/call/email every time you think of him.

[anecdotic]

Hey I thought I would give an update. So, I last spoke to my ex a few days ago, and today he sent me breadcrumbs. I was up late last night basically vomiting out the last of him and coming to terms with the fact I don't want to be with him anymore. I took a few hours debating if I should respond or not, and I eventually did. He then ignored me for some time, so I texted him not to text me unless he has made a decision, as for I am already moving on.