Leaving an abusive relationship while fiscally tied

[Notmrsb]

I don't know how to leave my fiance. He is verbally and emotionally abusive, and at times physically as well. He puts me down every way possible. When times are good they are great, but when times are bad they are horrible and I know I deserve better. There are a few problems though. 1. We are very much financially tied together. We rent not 1, but 2 properties together in both of our names (his sister lives in one of them), we have car payment together (still owe about $14k), just financed a $2,300 couch and then there is our business.. We have a painting business together. Well, the business is in my name, as well as the two work vans. I also have my own car loan and a mountain of debt. 2. We both have daughters who have grown fond of each other. I am particularly worried about the separation of my 6 year old daughter. Her father went to prison when she was 3 years old (still has a good relationship with him) but my fiance has been a father to her for 2 years now. I worry about the separation anxiety or other issues she may develop after we break up. On top of that I also have custody of my 17 year old brother and don't make much money on my own. I cannot pay my own bills, much less all of the bills and loans we have accrued together. I just don't know where to start or what I can do. The arguments are only becoming more often and worse, and I don't want to get in any deeper and make it harder to get out and I don't want to subject my daughter to the arguments anymore either. I have no idea what to do about this, or how I could update afford to leave, but I'm afraid I can't "afford" not to.

[Moontiger]

Start making a plan. You need to get out. The longer you stay the more normal abuse will seem to your daughter and the more likely she will ended up with a guy who will abuse her.

 

Look into staying with friend or family while you get on your feet, look into women's shelter (again, better for your daughter then being around abuse). Sit down and write out things you have to pay every months: Food, car payment, etc, then start subtractig that from what you currently make to see where you stand. Call an abuse help line, they will be able to direct you to resources.

[j.man]

Talk to friends and family regarding living arrangements and talk to a lawyer regarding the assets you two have together. If you've got vehicles, properties, and a business, you should have a lawyer available to you.

[bulletproof]

I am particularly worried about the separation of my 6 year old daughter. Her father went to prison when she was 3 years old (still has a good relationship with him) but my fiance has been a father to her for 2 years now. I worry about the separation anxiety or other issues she may develop after we break up.

 

Separation issues are the least of the possible problems. Please leave him. She is seeing you in an abusive relationship, and that is pretty much as bad as it gets.