onegirlalone00 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Okay, so I've never done one of these things before. I don't really like looking for advice from people that I don't know because I don't want to allow other's to influence any decision I make, and also if I'm honest, I'm afraid of the advice I may get, but I'm really going through a difficult situation in my life right now. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. A little background on my previous relationships is horrible. I use to be really superficial. I only wanted to date guys that I thought were hot, that would make me look good, that everyone would be in aww over. I didn't realize how destructive I was being. I settled for guys that were good-for-nothing. I let guys take advantage of me. I really lowered myself because I had low self esteem. I use to go out to bars and get drunk and make out with random guys. My last relationship was terrible, I settled for this guy who left me stranded 2 hours away from home at a gas station. That was the beginning of a perceptual change I had for guys. I got tired of this cycle of dating douch bags. After that was over, I started seeing these two other guys. There was still a part of me that was still chasing after douchbags. There was still a part of me that was superficial. I ended up meeting this guy that would end up truly changing my life. I was desperately seeking a job, and I met this guy and he told me to apply at the place where he worked, so I did. When I first met him, I could tell he really liked me, but I didn't like him at all. I thought he was geeky and he really just wasn't my "type". I know, what a bi**h I was.. But something inside me kept talking to him, I told him we could be friends. I was still seeing two other guys at the time, so I kept giving him lame excuses why I couldn't date him and that we should just be friends. That went on for about a month of us being friends, and then his work ended up hiring me. So I started working at this casino with him. We worked in two different areas of the casino. I was in awe that he kept chasing me. He got me a job and I was really thankful to him for it. I could tell he was really sweet, and a good guy and he kept asking to take me on a date. I was tired of the types of guys I was dating, so I thought, what the heck, why not. I thought that it couldn't hurt to try something different, and he did get me a job so it couldn't hurt to go on a date with him. On our first date, he took me out to eat. I ended up spilling chocolate milk on myself, it was so embarrassing but funny at the same time. After going out to eat, we went to the park and sat beside each other and just talked. I really opened up to him. I felt so comfortable around him, and that night he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was nervous, but I said yes. I thought it wouldn't hurt to see where this goes. When he brought me home that night, he said he really wanted to kiss me. I was so nervous because I was scared that if I kissed him it would be a huge turn off, and that I'd have to end things and hurt him. I was scared that in kissing him there would be no sparks and it would confirm that he just wasn't my type. But I let go of my fear, and we kissed. That kiss changed so much inside of me. I was shocked, honestly about how I felt. It was the most perfect, amazing kiss I've ever had. That night, I cut off the two guys I was talking to. And that was the start of our relationship. During our relationship, I really fell hard for this guy. I found out about his previous relationships that ended badly also. He was a bit insecure. He pulled away from me sometimes, he said he's honestly never had someone be so interested in his life. I've really fallen in love with this guy. I've never been in love with a guy before him. I've been heartbroken, sure. I've cried over guys, thought I loved them, was in love with the idea of being in love, but I never was in love with a guy. But I know in my heart, I just know, that I truly love this guy. He is my first love. Our relationship was going great until this past month. During this past month, I started noticing him withdrawing a little bit and a little bit more at a time. He became less affectionate. He stopped doing all the little things I use to love, like him sending me sweet voicemails,, sending me sweet messages when I was asleep, texting me good morning, bringing me candy at work. He stopped complimenting me, and he started spending a little less time with me. Of course, naturally I was hurt, and I tried talking to him about these things. I expressed to him how I felt, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He just wasn't clocking in. I kept thinking to myself, okay, you guys are just getting use to each other. It's normal. Couples get use to each other after months of being in a relationship and it's not a bad thing. I read articles that talked about when the "honeymoon phase" was over that it may feel like the relationship is over but it's not. I kept making excuses for his behavior to make myself feel better. I'm not going to lie, during this time I started become a bit clingy. I would ask him the same questions over and over and over again all week, because I was scared his answer would change like it started doing. When he would come over after work, sometimes I would playfully bug him to stay the night, and on our off days I would expect him to stay the night. He started telling me that he couldn't stay the night with me every single off days we have together, and I understood that. I didn't expect him to. I told him all the time if he didn't feel like staying the night or going out just to let me know. One week, he told me all week (because I kept asking) that he was going to stay the night that Monday on our off day, and when that day got there, he started coming up with excuses on why he couldn't stay the night. I won't lie, I got mad. It upsetted me that all week he had been telling me that he'd stay the night, and last minute he had to cancel. He had started doing that a lot. We had a little argument, but we ended up making up. Yes, I know I was a bit clingy, but he had his clingy moments too. He's the first one that went through my phone. I never went through his phone and one day he just went through mine. I was okay with that, i had nothing to hide. And he would get super jealous of other guys. One time, he told me that someone told him I cheated on him, and he wanted to know it was true. Of course it wasn't, I love this guy I wouldn't cheat on him. I feel like he was making it up from the details he gave me that didn't add up, just to see if I'd admit to cheating. He had his clingy moments too. But things really just didn't change, we were spending less time apart and he still wasn't affectionate anymore. I didn't know what to do, so I tried talking to him about it again. I told him that we had to work on our relationship, and that that was okay because all couples go through rough patches and that we just had to work on things, no big deal. He ended up telling me that he had a lot going on at home. His stepdad had just went into rehab, and because of that he had a lot of responsibilities to his family. His mom was working, so he has to help get his nephew to daycare, his sister to school, clean the house, go to work, etc. On top of that, he said work was really stressing him out, and that he hated his job and wants to try and get another one. He said he just didn't have a lot of time right now. I asked him if he wanted a break from us, because I didn't want to add stress to our relationship. He said he didn't know. And then he said that he didn't want a break because that sounded bad. So i offered to give him some space and we hugged and kissed and he went home. I tried helping him out and being there for him. I offered to help him at home, but he wouldn't let me. One day, I bought him some food and took it to him at home. He gave me a really big hug. I took his sister some food to school. And I gave her a ride home because he overslept and didn't wake up to go pick her up. I really wanted to help out and at the same time give him his space. I wanted to be there for him and support him, because I love him. But he stopped talking to me completely, and I tried giving him two days of no communication. It was super hard for me, he didn't communicate with me at all. He didn't clarify with me what he wanted as far as space. For me, I think space is spending less time apart and communicating a little less, but not no communication what so ever. I ended up texting him and telling him that it was hard for me, and it was hard for me to be in a relationship with him when he just shuts me out and not communicate with me. He said he was just taking some space, so I told him I'd be considerate and give him his space, but that he should be considerate of me and letting me know that he still loves me and wants to be with me. He then told me that he loves me, but he had a lot to focus on. So I told him when he was ready to let me know and he said okay. So I left him alone, I stopped communicating with him. Two days later at work, he told my coworker that it was awkward between me and him and that we weren't talking. I got upset and texted him asking him why he told my coworker that, and if that was what he was telling everyone at work. He didn't reply. Yesterday, I texted him again and told him I was really sorry and that I know i had been clingy in our relationship and may have pushed him away, but that I'd definitely show him that I won't be clingy anymore. He never replied. So today, I'm sitting here writing this. I have decided to fully committ to not communicating with him at all the next two weeks. I have cried and cried and cried my eyes out. I love this guy so much and I don't want to lose him. He won't talk to me and it's hurting me. I feel like he's being selfish by doing this to me. It's like I don't know how much space he needs and how long I should wait. It's waiting that is the HARDEST part. If I knew that me and him would work out, I could definitely wait because I love him. But waiting with the possibility of us not being together anymore is the hardest thing ever. I just don't know what to do. Next week is our anniversary, and I'm thinking about dumping him next week if he hasn't tried communicating with me at all. I don't want to break up with him because he's my first love, but I can't wait around forever. I'm hoping that within the next two weeks he'll decide that he misses me and needs me in his life. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I pray and pray and pray, I've cried, I've gotten angry, I just want closure. If we are gonna work out or not. It's waiting that is the hardest thing, and I'm scared how I'm going to react if I've waited all this time just to find out our relationship isn't meant to be. He won't communicate with me at all. But I've fully dedicated myself into not talking to him for the next two weeks, and maybe dumping him on our anniversary if he still won't communicate with me. I know this is a really long thread to read. I don't know, maybe I just needed to get everything out, to vent. This is one of the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I know in my heart that I love this guy. He is my first love. I'm just so lost.
shessofly Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 It seems to me that he has already broken up with you, just without saying it. That's really crummy...but I would not contact him again. You will get through it. I would recommend not contacting him anymore and keeping busy with other things. It will be hard for awhile but over time you will find it hurts less and less. Hang out with friends, exercise, take up new hobbies...just stay busy for awhile, and steer clear of him as much as possible.
dave_1966 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I personally don't think you'll be dumping him next week because this 'space' means that he's essentially dumped you. The most dignified thing you can do now is back completely off, block him on all social media etc, and just go and hang out with friends. If he has second thoughts about things you would need to make it clear that you're not just going to take him back after being treated like this, and that he would have to work for it. It also sounds like your ego is hurt because you clearly don't see him as being as 'hot' as your previous partners, and can't believe he could be like this. When, and if, he contacts you the best thing you could do is keep it light. Any drama and he'll run a mile.
onegirlalone00 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I guess I'm not ready to accept things are over. I want closure. And if it really means we are over, I want to give all of his stuff back to him. Everything. I could do that without making any contact with him.
onegirlalone00 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 If he hasn't contacted me next week by our anniversary, then I'll know it's over. Then I'll know to not contact him anymore, delete his number, give him his stuff back, and change our relationship status on Facebook to single. And move on.
DoF Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I guess I'm not ready to accept things are over. I want closure. Doesn't matter what you want. And no, most people don't get closure. Take things for what they are! And if it really means we are over, I want to give all of his stuff back to him. Everything. I could do that without making any contact with him. You should, accept things for what they are. He is dumping you. Your feelings/wants etc are all irrelevant. IT's time to go no contact and start the healing process.
JustWishing Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Your actions don't match your words. You act like you understand him, but in reality you don't. I am sure you have every good intention to give him his space, but in reality you let your own insecurities get in the way of it and in the end you show him that your words are just words, because your actions are different.
j.man Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Wait, you two agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend on the first date?
onegirlalone00 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Yes, but he had been asking me out for a month.
onegirlalone00 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Yes, but he had been asking me for a month.
onegirlalone00 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Just a quick update. I took down our relationship status on fb. I haven't contacted him, and I won't. I'm going to try really hard to move on.
Otantik Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 If he were Mr. Right, he wouldn't have done that to you; He would've found way to make things work, unfortunately he wasn't brave enough for that and ran away like a little boy. Move on and remember this quote: “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” ― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women
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