agui13albert Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Here it goes, first a little history. I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter with my ex, we haven't been together for the past 6 months. It was a mutual separation, and we have no drama. Well my new girlfriend wants to come over and hang out at my house, I moved back in with my parents a few months ago to pay off my debts. I asked my dad if it was ok if she came, he has no problem with it. However, my mom says no because she wants to believe that me and my ex will get back together. She said that no other woman will be welcomed unless I live with her or I'm am about to get married. How do I explain this to my girlfriend, I was the one who insisted her to come. I did not know my mom would behave in this manner, how do I explain this to my girlfriend? Please help!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 How long have you been with your new girlfriend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agui13albert Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 We've been seeing each other for like the past month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 WAY too early to meet parents or your child. Take time to get to know her well, be patient and INVEST TIME. In time, she will meet your parents. You guys are in a fresh/new relationship....the beginning....WAY WAY too early for that. This is a red mark for your new girl. I wouldn't say red flag, but definitely a red mark. Slow her down a bit. I also have a feeling intimacy is already playing a role here? This would explain her current request/act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustWishing Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 This is a red mark for your new girl. I wouldn't say red flag, but definitely a red mark. Slow her down a bit. I also have a feeling intimacy is already playing a role here? This would explain her current request/act. No it is not, because OP clearly stated that it is his initiative in the following he wrote: How do I explain this to my girlfriend, I was the one who insisted her to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agui13albert Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 It was my initiative, I just didn't know my mom would react this way. But how do I tell her now that we need to take time before that happens when I was the one who insisted? I don't want to lose her…thanks again guys!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 It was my initiative, I just didn't know my mom would react this way. But how do I tell her now that we need to take time before that happens when I was the one who insisted? I don't want to lose her…thanks again guys!!! I misunderstood, sorry. In that case, red mark for YOU. Tell her you are sorry and apologize for initiating this too early on in the relationship. Leave your mom out of it for now.....your girl should understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustWishing Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 If I were you and what it all comes down to is that you should have a talk with your mom. It is not her decision who you are going to be with and it is not up to her who you are going to date. She should respect your decision wanting to be with your new girlfriend. Early or not. Tell your mother straight out that there will never be a chance that you will get back with your ex. She needs to realize she is not running your life or future. As of your girlfriend. Tell her the truth. Maybe not that your mom wants you to be with your ex, but tell her that it is only 6 months ago and your parents need some more time to adjust. If she truly cares for you and your child, your new girl will understand that. Don't lie to your new girl and make up excuses why she can't come by, because the fact she can't be with you at your place with your family might hurt her feelings. So, be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Maybe go out to dinner with your parents and your gf so that you can sit down, have food and your mom can get to know her without bringing her to the house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agui13albert Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Thank you so much, that makes perfect sense. I don't want to lie to my girlfriend, that's not what I'm about. I'll talk with her today and tell her what's going on, you're right if she cares for me as much as she says she does she'll understand. That was awesome, thank you very much for your help!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustWishing Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Thank you so much, that makes perfect sense. I don't want to lie to my girlfriend, that's not what I'm about. I'll talk with her today and tell her what's going on, you're right if she cares for me as much as she says she does she'll understand. That was awesome, thank you very much for your help!!! That is what we are here for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jobelle Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Your mom is not being very reasonable and I suggest you keep her in check or move out. But I agree with the others, 1 month is too early. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Actually, its mom's house, so she can choose who walks in the door. You just separated from the mother of your child 6 months ago. Its not like you have been apart 6 years. Honestly, what happened to reestablishing yourself before jumping into another relationship? Anyway, I don't think one month is ALWAYS to early to meet parents if both parties want to. When I first started dating my bf, he did happen to meet one of my parents within the month. I temporarily lived with my parents and he came in and introduced himself when he picked me up one time. It was the right thing to do to introduce himself, since my parents just saw that a guy came to sometimes pick me up. You know, parents want to make sure their daughter is not getting into the car with a serial killer lol. This wasn't the case where it was a formal "meet the parents" dinner - it was just a real quick three minute meeting. I see no problem with a quick hello - but NOT meeting your daughter at all. You guys just started dating. BUT it was wrong to not check with mom first if you were bringing her to the home you share with your parents. Its up to her who she meets or doesn't meet and you are in no way serious about this woman yet anyhow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agui13albert Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 I wasn't looking for anybody, she pretty much you can say fell from the sky. I wanted to stay alone for a while more before I start thinking of even dating. I met her at the supermarket, I know we started talking and I would see her when I would go get my groceries. We dated and things progressed, I didn't want to make it into a relationship but we just have so much in common that it's crazy. I've never been with someone who shares so many things that I do. But you're right I'll talk to her about being a bit too soon to meet my parents and we should take things a bit slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I wasn't looking for anybody, she pretty much you can say fell from the sky. I wanted to stay alone for a while more before I start thinking of even dating. I met her at the supermarket, I know we started talking and I would see her when I would go get my groceries. We dated and things progressed, I didn't want to make it into a relationship but we just have so much in common that it's crazy. I've never been with someone who shares so many things that I do. But you're right I'll talk to her about being a bit too soon to meet my parents and we should take things a bit slow. She didn't fall from the sky. If you were not ready for a relationship, you could have told her that you just broke off with the mother of your child and you are not quite ready to date yet, and tell her you will call her when you are ready, and if she wants coffee then, you would like that, or only see her periodically as friends - and be upfront that all you have to offer right now is friendship. I met quite a few guys during and after my divorce - I was feeling better finally and looking good (putting time into myself, etc.) and there were a few guys that chatted me up. I would tell them "see you around" or "nice chatting with you" and would part ways. Sometimes I would run into them again and would chat, but I was not ready for a relationship so I didn't give them a high green light. If you see her 5 times a week, let's say = you are moving too fast, as well. You have only known her a short amount of time. Time to put on the breaks. ANY woman with good boundaries would be a bit cautious about a guy with a child who just broke up - she would not want to interfere with possible reconciliation and would tread very slowly and carefully - keep in touch once in awhile if there was strong interest, etc, but would be making sure she wasn't walking into a train wreck. I would make sure that I was not depending on her for all of your conversation and emotional support because some women are attracted to men who are charity cases/fixer uppers. If you want to go out to the movies or to an activity, okay - but don't get in too deep here. Make sure you are going to counseling, doing things to get yourself more established so you can move out again, etc, as first priority, as well as your child. Everyone else comes second Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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