male9999 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Hi guys, I am hoping someone may be able to give me some advise or maybe there are other people out there in similar situations that can shed some light onto the subject. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. We are both relatively young, she 2 years younger than myself. At first (like most relationships) the sex was amazing we would have sex anything up to 5 times a night. 1 month into the relationship due to some unseen circumstances I lost my living situation and I moved in with my girlfriend and her mother. Looking back at it this was probably not the best decision to make but it was the one that was made... so we have been living together for the majority of our relationship. I love her, I truly love her and believe she is the one but the sex has slowly fallen into an rut. She has no desire at all to have sex with me and if I ask her if she would like to the usual response is "I thought you weren't like every other guy?" and suggest that I masturbate more. We have had sex maybe 4 times in the past 6 weeks. I do not see my girlfriend as a sex object in any way shape or form but I do feel sex is an essential part of a relationship. The lack of sex has resulted in countless fights and has made my self esteem and endorphin levels plummet. I do not wish to cheat on my girlfriend but I do not ignore facts and according to the research I have done in most relationships in this sort of situation end in divorce or a breakup or infidelity leading to divorce or a breakup. She has said to me that "she only feels like she wants to have sex when we are actually doing it and not before". This does not make sense to me. I convinced her to talk to her psychologist about it and he did indicate that it was a generally normal occurrence and gave us/her things to try but after discussing it with me she has no desire to try. Other than the sex we are in a really good place, we are both very happy with each other and try and spend as much time together as possible. I would love to hear people's opinion on the situation... I may not have explained it very well so please ask if there are any questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 When you moved in she felt she had achieved her goal. Now she thinks she can relax and coast in the relationship. This is often a two sided problem. For example, The guy stops arranging dates, the girls interest in sex drops off. Some times the thrill fades because the chase is over. With that being said,This is a tricky one . Feeling unwanted in a relationship is very difficult, and can offset any positive things going on. Since you're feeling this way, sit down one night and let her know how you feel. Don't ask her questions, just tell her how you're feeling. Do not give her an ultimatum, just something to chew on. Give it some time, and if it doesn't improve, it means that she is likely not motivated to make you feel like a wanted and desirable man and make things right in the relationship. Put the ball in her court per se, and see what happens. Give her a choice without forcing her to feel like she has to make a choice. Thus, tell her how you feel without the ultimatum. Keep busy, don't mope around and lastly make sure you're doing your part in the relationship by continuing to be romantic and a good boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 A lot of people feel inhibited desire when sharing a home with their parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willywagtail Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I agree with silver birch. Living with a parent is a sure fire way to put a dampener on a sexual relationship. If everything else is genuinely good then this may be the case. Also, after a year differences in sexual desire become apparent - you may have a higher libido than her. Also, after a year couples get used to each other and get into sexual routines with the same old moves. Maybe this has happened to you. You need to talk and to tell her that you believe sex is an important way to feel connected as a couple and to express love and care in a relationship. It's not a matter of more masturbation, it's a matter of sexual intimacy and feeling close. Ask her what you can do, together, to create this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 In my experience, lack of sex has been directly related to resentments. Does she have any complaints about the relationship? Or could she be holding complaints in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 You have been dating for 18 months and living with her mother for 17 months. Why are you still living there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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