eg2 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I need some sincere and helpful adivice. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years and 8 months. I was 16 when I met him and he was 19. Our relationship has always been hard in regards to distance but we still lasted this long. Having a year left in school I brought up the question of marriage and that got him thinking about us. He then decided to break up with me because he loved so much that he realized he didn't wanted to change me or my plans just to be with him. It was a hard break up for me, only one guy friend knew about it for a whole week. Since, he broke up with me via phone we decided to talk about it in person (he broke up with me on Tuesday and on Saturday I decided to go see him). When I saw him we came to the conclusion that he was still confused and he didn't know but that we were not together for sure. Me being hurt told him if he could think about us until the summer and maybe we could try again. However, when I went back home my only guy friend (only friends too since I'm not good a friendships) was there to support me. He will listen to my pains but then I found out he liked me and I said to him I couldn't because I was in pain and lost. Two weeks after my break up one of my roommates (a girl who now knows I have broken up) invites to the bar to drink ( I don't do this either drinking and stuff) I accept and she gets me drunk enough so I can "enjoy the time". When I get home I begin to feel alone and scared to be alone. So I call my guy friend and turns out we ended simewhat having sex and he stopped after a while knowing how I felt and that it wasn't right even though he liked me. After that we talked about it and I apologize I told him that all I needed was a friend and if he couldn't be there then he could leave. He said he would try but sometimes he would kiss me and I followed a couple times. After a week of "coping" with alcohol. I started thinking things straight and realized it wasn't what I wanted with my life. So I left my guy friend and told him the kissing the almost sex wasn't right so I needed space. He asked me if I was going back to my ex but I am not sure anymore. I asking for help, I love my ex and I've been trying to figure out why I did what I did. Being a beginner Christian I have prayed to God for forgiveness and I've been trying to get my life together. The problem is that now three days after letting my friend go, my ex wants to come and see me to check on each other not to come back because he doesn't know that yet. But what is killing me to know is when is the right time to let him know. I know that we won't come back after he finds out for sure. But I also don't know if we're getting back at all. So should I tell him when I see him in a couple days or should I wait until I see that there I see there is a possibility that we come back? The thing is that no matter what happens I still want us to be friends because he has been an important person in my life. I am also thinking in talking to my pastor about it so that he can help me in the process in asking for forgiveness to God.
j.man Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 What exactly are you asking forgiveness from God for? What you didn't isn't a Christian matter. You're asking God for forgiveness because you can't forgive yourself. That's not a slam on religion, it simply is what it is in this case. You and your ex are broken up. You didn't cheat on him or betray him in any way. If he wants to play at being indecisive, that's his own prerogative. He can't expect you to sit around twiddling your thumbs. That said, while I'm not as militant as others are regarding the whole opposite sex friends thing, generally speaking falling back on opposite sex friends in moments you're emotionally vulnerable and lonely doesn't go well. This guy obviously liked you from the beginning and took this opportunity to make a move. While, personally, I don't think you've done anything to require forgiveness, you need to be able to forgive yourself.
eg2 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I think that in the bigger part I am seeking forgiveness from God. In regards to him coming to see me soon to talk about how things are going I don't know what to tell him. I do love my ex, but I know that I probably won't come back to him because I don't want to hurt him.
kbbcoop77 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Unless your ex wants to talk about working on the relationship and getting back together don't see him. Drop him like a rock and let him feel life without you in it. He dumped you, you didn't cheat and are free to do what you like. Personally I would wait and heal before getting physical with a new partner, your not ready emotionally.
melancholy123 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 You didn't o anything that requires forgiveness so you need to let that go. Forgive yourself if you think that will help. You dont owe your ex bf an explanation about anything because you are broken up with him. I think you need a break from men in general until you sort yourself out and do some more growing up.
agent1607307371 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Your ex dumped you. You were single. You've done nothing you need to explain to him. At All. If you want to talk to your pastor, that's fine. But you have no reason to say anything to your ex.
DoF Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 It's not the god that needs to forgive you, it's your Ex. And he won't so stop dwelling on this and move on. Learn from it and don't make the same mistakes in your future relationships. God will NOT solve your problems, only YOU will solve your problems. Heck if anything "God" will only make your problems worse, as so many people look for God forgiveness as a crappy excuse to justify their crappy actions.
Man with Dog Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 You didn't o anything that requires forgiveness so you need to let that go. Forgive yourself if you think that will help. You dont owe your ex bf an explanation about anything because you are broken up with him. I think you need a break from men in general until you sort yourself out and do some more growing up. I agree 100% on the first bit. It was a break-up and not a "break". Even though there is a small possibility you could get back together, you are not together and it is likely you won't be. He may well have slept or almost slept with someone else, too. He isn't at fault either. As for the 2nd bit, it is up to you whether you take a break from boys or not.
eg2 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I think that is the hard part too because I don't know if we broke up or if it's a break. He said that he didn't think we were meant for each other because of our future plans but then he told me ( after the sex thing happened) that we could just work on our lives and if we are meant to happen for us to be with each other then we will. So I'm so confused at this moment and at the same time I'm trying to admit he won't be in life anymore.
thejigsup Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 He.Broke.Up.With.You. Please realize this, if nothing else. You did nothing wrong. You have met two real winners here. Bad and Badder. Just leave both of these men alone and remain the wonderful woman that you are. Guys like this do not deserve the good women.
Mari Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I think that is the hard part too because I don't know if we broke up or if it's a break. He said that he didn't think we were meant for each other because of our future plans but then he told me ( after the sex thing happened) that we could just work on our lives and if we are meant to happen for us to be with each other then we will. So I'm so confused at this moment and at the same time I'm trying to admit he won't be in life anymore. From the way you're describing things the way it looks like is he initiated a breakup after hearing about marriage. It may be that he realized he's only been with one girl this entire time and it's time to break up and try someone else because you've been together 5+ years and that maybe he should do that before settling down. The guy friend clearly has remained a friend with you with the hopes that one day you'll break up and he'll get you. I agree with other posters, it doesn't seem like either of the two guys are great guys and maybe you try for someone better.
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