Otantik Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Sorry about my english, it isn't my first language. My boyfriend of 3 years that is currently in the police academy came up to me 3 weeks ago that he wanted a little break. It's been 3 months since he started the academy and it really messes with us as a couple. We see each other only on weekends but he has 0 time for himself over there during the week so we didn't see each other much the next weekend he asked. This week on his facebook I found out he was talking to a girl since 2 weeks and I realized that was most likely the problem (she was complimenting him, and somewhat flirty talk, etc). I didn't lose a minute to tell him about her, at first he was mad that I spied his facebook, but then he called me crying and told me she was only a friend that he talked with but that there was nothing between them. He said he loved me and that he always would no matter what and we hang up. He admitted that he had some kind of physical attraction for this girl but that there was nothing else. A lot of you would probably tell me "Dump him, he's unworthy." but I couldn't resolve myself to do so since I'm guilty of the same thing, too. I work in gyms and I see attractive guys everyday, and I already chatted with a guy in particular that gave me issues in my relationship. But I didn't let this ruin our couple - I stopped contact with the guy in question after a week. We had a wonderful weekend this week and I can say the chemistry/connection/sex drive is still very present, we've always been a couple that openly communicated, we've always teased eachother alot. We talked deeply and honestly during the weekend and he came up with alot of things such as; "I've never had any other girlfriend than you, you've had other experiences and it somewhat scares me?" "I'm afraid this catches us again in another few years," "I'm know that even if we break up, we'd come back together eventually, I just know it." I've been very depressed over the past few weeks and it's seriously taking its toll on me, I've lost 10 pounds since this all started. We made a promise that we'd let the police academy end (ends at the end of november) and christmas pass before making any impulsive decision. I truly need advice/experience stories, thank you very much for reading my mess. Additional info: - We're both 22 years old, he's a few months younger than me. - We do have couple issues such as different kind of hobbies (I'm the type of person who likes to be outside, he's more of a inside person that likes to relax, etc.) - He texted me today "I could never love another person as much as I love you."
annie24 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 welcome to ENA. My take on the situation is maybe not one you want to hear... I think a lot of guys who meet a really great woman when they are young and before they have other experience really regret not having wild escapades and dating bad women before they really come to appreciate what they have. I think he wants to "sow his wild oats." Therefore, I think it's best to breakup because I don't think he will be ready to commit until he's had more experience with other women, and yes, I think that he will regret making such a stupid decision. But I don't suggest you wait around for him either, because it could take him a few years to really get to the point where he is ready to have a serious gf again.
Otantik Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 This is indeed a very sound advice. I'm seriously considering it to avoid any more stress. I do not want to do it before the end of his police academy because I don't want to mess with his career, but would it be better to do it before or after Christmas? I don't know, I'm just not ready to deal with the stress of family's questions. I know what you mean by "sow his wild oats" because I've been there and done that with my past boyfriend. I remained single for a year and did all the things I wanted to do. Now I'm at a point where I want something serious, move out of parents' house, have an adult life.. I'm a very emotional person and it takes me a LONG time to deal with the pain of a breakup, it took me almost a full year to completely get over my ex of 1 year and a half. I also don't give trust easily, but I had gave it to my current boyfriend, apparently I was wrong. It hurts.
annie24 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 If he came up to you saying he needs a break, then maybe the time is now? I am really sorry, I know that breakups really suck.
Otantik Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 The police academy ends in 27 days, I think we can wait until then and see if it changes afterwards. I heard guys change alot when they're there and don't have time/energy for relationships. It wasn't very very good when he started going there (we were seeing eachother almost everyday), it got better when we started seeing eachother only on weekends since his school is 3 hours away (more sex drive, things to talk about) then after about 8-9 weeks it went downhilllll. He has changed so much within the past 3 months he's there, he's just not the caring/loving/fun boyfriend he used to be. Maybe if he doesn't go back to being himself after the academy I should call he really changed and is no longer the man I had? I'm not crying today at the thought of breaking up, but all I did for the past 3 weeks was crying over that. I'm puzzled, I love him dearly, but I think I won't have the choice to let him go.
Otantik Posted November 4, 2015 Author Posted November 4, 2015 Hello all, a little update: We're going to spend the weekend together again. He seems in a much better mood and I think I've helped with that since I've been very cheerful and positive all week (without being invasive). I only talk to him about positive things during the week, we'll see where the discussion is headed this weekend. Our promise of staying together till the end of the police academy still holds, he's been telling me he loves me two times since sunday without me saying anything first. He even used the words: "I could never love somebody the way I love you, I mean just as much." Also told me he loved me in the middle of a fun/ridiculous convo. Also I noticed I forgot a detail about this 3 weeks ago. Since I was very emotional, I asked him if he intented to leave me and he said "Are you sick?" with tears in his eyes and he said "Don't leave me either." and I responded with a firm no, crying. So much tears. How I feel? Surprisingly enough I've managed to deal with my feelings and accept whatever is gonna happen. I still cry from times to times but it's nothing compared to 3 weeks ago. Nothing. Hope you guys still can give me advice.
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