threewishes Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Hello.I am new to this but I have a problem. I met this man and I have been dating him for 3 months now. Most of the time he contacts me in the week but I Dont hear from him at weekends. If I call him it goes straight through to answer phone. During the week we have been getting on really well and normally he sets a date a day before. But on the odd occasion he has text me out of the blue and asked if I fancy coming up that night. He did this the other day but I had already made plans to see a friend so I declined the offer. I said I may pop up afterwards, but it was getting late so I said sorry I can't make it. Now I haven't heard anything from him. I was annoyed a bit because I feel he wanted me to drop my plans and come running. But because I didn't he didn't even answer my text back. I haven't heard from him. I'm not sure if I'm a booty call or not because he has introduced me to his friends and he even said he would invite me out with his friends one weekend, but its been 3 months of dating and I have not been invited. I'm only contacted when he's not out and about with his friends. I have my own life and friends so I always have something to do but I'm feeling like may be I should be causious in case he is using me. Am I being a bit too paranoid about this so early on or is it acceptable? Maybe because its so new he wants to keep it to just week nights when he's not busy. I have met his friends so he's not hiding me. I just didn't like how he tried to talk me out of my plans and how he doesn't think about me at weekends.
missmarple Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 3 months is enough time to know where you stand and with this guy, it doesn't seem like you do. Not hearing from someone on the weekends is a bad sign. Are you exclusive?
threewishes Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 We recently both agreed that we are getting on really well but we have not had that conversation yet about being exclusive. I didn't want to talk about it yet as I feel its very early days. But I'm starting to like him now and we slept together for the first time the other day.
missmarple Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You've slept together and you've been dating for 3 months...I'd say you should have that talk..and, while at it, ask him how he spends his weekends, too
ThatwasThen Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 When you slept together, was it at your place or his? Where did you meet him?
Ms Darcy Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You are a booty call who has also met his friends. I'd bounce on this dead end if I were you. But if you must stick around, I would suggest letting him know you are looking for a relationship.
Astrogirl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Yes you are a booty call. Quit spending time with this guy until your needs are being met. If not keep your dignity and move on.
threewishes Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 He contacted me last weekend. Just not this weekend, because he probably didn't like the fact that I wouldnt change my plans to come and see him. But that annoyed me because he just assumed I wasn't busy. We go to each others houses. I slept with him at his.we met on a dating website. Its normally once a week we see each other but last week he said we should see each other more and he invited me up twice. Its just I haven't heard anything since he invited me up and I said I'm busy. Maybe he is annoyed I didn't go up when he summoned me. But that in its self has annoyed me because he wants it all on his terms.
itsallgrand Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 The problem is you slept with him under terms you aren't comfortable with. I don't call that being used. I call that voluntarily screwing yourself over, sorry. It seems clear he is not serious about you. He's working on the short term; something casual. Get some sexy time in and have some fun when it suits me. You don't want that so you need to make that clear. Stop seeing him under these terms. Don't beg or plead that he want what you want. Just be willing to stand up and act from what you really want. Don't be scared of that. It won't scare off anyone who is a match. Sorry you are disappointed.
ThatwasThen Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 If he called you last minute and he actually was interested in you as being more then a booty call, he would have understood that last minute invites means that the person may have already made plans. The LEAST he would have done when you told him you were busy was to reschedule something with you for a day or so later. BUT... he didn't do that, he just ghosted on you. That's not the actions of someone who is into you. Sorry. You would do well to ALWAYS be busy if he calls you last minute because it will just be about sex. If he's calling you and making plans ahead of time to see you, then that means he's interested in getting to know you and actually anticipating advancing the relationship. Not rescheduling and Not being available to you on prime date nights are two red flags. Don't give your heart to this one until he's shown you in actions that he has feelings for you. Hint: Sex is not an action word showing love if all you're being shown is sex.
notalady Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Sounds like he doesn't want anything serious with you. I would have the talk asap, ask him where you two stand. If it's anything short of "I consider us in a serious relationship" or a variation of this, I would walk. 3 months and having had sex is more than enough to decide on exclusivity and whether one wants a serious relationship with the other. For future references, don't have sex with the guy before you get to know him well enough and know where you two stand, that would take all this guess work out of the equation. Also don't simply drop by his place, you are dating, so let him take you out on dates. You've set yourself up for being the booty call by dropping by when he calls (even if not immediately), and accepting this arrangement where you go to his place when he's got a free night and no other plans (yes even if it's sometimes).
Dottieflanogon Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 3 months is long enough, he should have escalated things by now. I don't think he's that into you....I'm sorry. He doesn't seem to make an effort to spend more time together. It looks like you are casually dating.I would talk to him and ask him what he thinks/feels. No use in burying your head in the sand and wasting more time....
ParisPaulette Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Yep, booty call only. Come on, when's the last time he took you out on a proper date??? Do you know where he works, ever met the coworkers? Okay, so you met some friends but I'm presuming you didn't meet all of his friends. Are you on his social media at all, do you even know if he has social media??? Any interest in your life beyond "Hi, come over and shed your clothes?" At three months you should be able to answer the above questions, because when people are excited and want a relationship to move forward they are usually more than eager to share, sometimes frankly to overshare a bit. If at three months you don't know what he does on his weekends there's a really huge problem. My guess is he wants a F buddy, but doesn't want you knowing that or won't come out and say it since he knows he'd have to slot in a replacement. I do not see the actions of a man who wants a relationship regardless.
jbrown1809 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I think you need to drop this guy if you are looking for something serious. Weekends are reserved for people who hold importance and the fact he never invites you to do anything on weekends is a bad sign
Astrogirl Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I think you need to drop this guy if you are looking for something serious. Weekends are reserved for people who hold importance and the fact he never invites you to do anything on weekends is a bad sign Agree. It took my ex some considerable months before he'd see me during weekends. Especially during the day. I think the OP is in for a rough ride with this one.
Sportster2005 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 We recently both agreed that we are getting on really well but we have not had that conversation yet about being exclusive. I didn't want to talk about it yet as I feel its very early days. But I'm starting to like him now and we slept together for the first time the other day. If he can sleep with you, he can see you on the weekends. I would be very suspicious of this. I'm inclined to think something isn't right here. Although I don't like to march out the "He's probably seeing someone/married" it's hard not to lean this way. What reason could a man have for not wanting to spend the weekend with someone he's sleeping with?
Sportster2005 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Agree. It took my ex some considerable months before he'd see me during weekends. Especially during the day. I think the OP is in for a rough ride with this one. Interesting perspective. If I didn't date on the weekends I would find it difficult to see anyone. I don't like to ask a woman out on a first date/coffee on a weekend, because I assume she has more important things. But after a couple of dates I want to see them on the weekend because that's the only time I can make to see them. Then again could be demographics. Most of my friends are married females, so I'm very free to socialize on weekends.
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