rosie30 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I have had some better days, some days where I can see, just a tiny,tiny bit that it's a relief to at least not be in the turmoil of the relationship. But god I miss him. Most of my energy is going in to keeping ridiculously busy, trying to rebuild my life, I've just travelled abroad for a change of scene and to prove to myself I'm ok alone, but mostly to fill the week off work I had looming, terrified to stop as each time I do the pain and missing washes over me like a tidal wave of grief. This happens every weekend tbh, I dread the future as each new month brings more days without him and more events we aren't sharing. What worries me is this feeling that no matter how hard I try to be busy, I am doing just that; keeping busy to fill my life so much that I will away each day just to get through it. I don't feel there's a point to my life, despite my busy schedule, full-time job, running a small sideline business. I don't actually like myself much anymore or feel my life or I am of value. I am busy but totally empty. I am having counselling and on antidepressants, reading self-help books, focussing on my self care & friendships.. I have energy to do things but get no joy from them, like nothing has meaning without him. I just want to be ok by myself, love myself but I don't know how? I liked who I was when I was with him, he brought out the best in me. My life feels meaningless and that I am noone without him. Does this get better? I am trying so hard everyday. No contact since day one, redecorating, new clothes, new plans....don't know how much longer I can keep the faith that the future will be better.
Movingforward3 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I understand where you are at, Rosie. I am at 4 months. It does get better. There are still bad days. Waves of emotions come when they come. What I came up with is this: I will live my life and have fun. I will keep lines of communication open, but I will not wait. I do not have to let her go all at once. I will accept there are many possibilities both good, bad, and I between that can happen. My destruction isn't part of this deal, I choose me. There will be better days.
Astrogirl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Who finished the relationship and how bad was the breakup if you don't mind me asking?
rosie30 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Thankyou, @Movingforward3, those are wise words. So hard to see a future but I want to feel it's worth carrying on, just for me...I really hope it does get easier. Thankyou @astrogirl, he broke up with me, twice in almost 3 years. Sometimes I was the best thing ever and felt so loved, other times he pulled away and questioned who I was/if I was what he wanted...here's my post if you'd like to get a summary as it's quite a complicated story The break up was very traumatic for me, especially as his return the second time seemed to imply a commitment for the future and he talked of children and a future at times...he just seemed so conflicted but I have come out feeling like I am broken and not worthy of his love...
Astrogirl Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 So last time he contact you after 5 months? He'll probably sniff around again at some point. You also mentioned in your previous post he stated his terms and conditions for the relationship to work. If you want him back surprise him with your own terms and conditions - see how he likes it! except you have to mean it and they have to be what you really want. Well done on your ten weeks; I'm also ten weeks no contact. Be firm. If he tells you how he wants the relationship to be and you don't agree, politely tell him and close the door behind him.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.