trying to get ex boyfriend back

[confidentgirl]

I’m 19 years old and trying to get my ex boyfriend to want me back. I have known my ex for 3 years as we spend our summers together at camp. This summer we were together and he was really into me (always telling me how cute, special, and different I am. He also told me he would never hurt me and that he really likes me). We go to the same university and continued being exclusively together for the first month of school. At the end of September, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was very happy and accepted. 10 days after being “boyfriend and girlfriend” he came over and told me that he realized that he’s not ready to be in a “committed relationship”. I was really caught off guard because he’s only expressed to me how much he liked me and wanted to be together.

 

I was really hurt and confused after he left but stayed strong while he was ending it. I have applied the NC rule since he broke up with me and haven’t reached out to him in any sort. I have seen him a couple times out at parties because we go to the same univeristy and go to the same places. Every time he has seen me out he has gone out of his way to come up and talk to me. The conversation is never too long but I can tell that he’s happy when he sees me and I do enjoy talking to him and miss being together.

 

The other day my friend saw him and asked if he has spoken to me. He replied, “no..should I msg her?” and she said that it’s up to him and not her business. The next day I get a msg from him saying that it’s been a while since we have spoken and he was wondering how I was (this is 3 weeks into NC minus the few times I have ran into him). I wrote back saying that I’m doing great and asked how he was. He answered that he’s good but has a lot of work and I didn’t reply to that msg.

 

The other day I found out that he has been fooling around with this girl. Obviously I know this is probably a rebound hookup but it made me upset to hear. I have one week left of the NC and don’t know what I should do after that. I don’t really want to msg him. I want to give him time to see that I don’t need him and let him come back on his own if he wants to. I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me (as much as I like him and want him to like me again).

 

I have been working on myself a lot during the NC and am much better and happier with myself. I know that I don’t need him but I would like to have him back as we were both so happy and this was so out of the blue. I’m still so confused as to why he ended it when he only expressed to me how happy he was. I also am nervous to go out and see him with another girl.

 

Any advice or thoughts on what I should do and how I should act around him would be very helpful as I am just not ready to let him go.

[Capricorn3]

I’m 19 years old and trying to get my ex boyfriend to want me back..

You cannot MAKE someone want you, that is up to them. If they are not interested, lost feelings, don't like/love you, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Love or attraction etc cannot be forced. Learn to accept that he no longer wants to be with you and move on. No point in wasting energy on something you cannot change.

[Astrogirl]

Forget him and move on. It's his loss. You sound like a good person with a lot of feeling and there's a male out there who'd appreciate a female who's generous with her heart. Concentrate on you. Surely you deserve to be pampered? Gather a few pounds/dollars together, hit the store and treat yourself because you're going to tell yourself you are worth at least one day where you concentrate on you. Listen to your favourite music and go for a nice walk. Borrow someone's dog if you don't have your own. Look in the mirror and tell your reflection some bloke has just thrown the golden goose away. Build up your self-confidence. Never believe it's because of something you did. Only tell yourself positive things about yourself. You'll get there. You don't want to be with someone who's indecisive anyway. A few months down the line he could tell you the same, and by that time feelings for him would run much deeper. You've had a lucky escape...

[catfeeder]

My guess is, a committed relationship was fine for him while he believed that everyone else does that, and he liked you, so why not? But then the rest of this semester taught him that there are a lot of people to date, and he's not ready to cut himself off from that.

 

So while you might opt to hold hope that if the two of you were ever a 'meant to be deal,' he'll grow weary of dating others over time, he'll reflect on some grand epiphany, and he'll meet you again on higher ground someday.

 

But I'd ground myself in 'someday' not being any time soon, and I'd do whatever it takes to grow comfortable with the fact that he'll be seeing other girls. I'd put that to the back of my mind rather than dwell on it, or you'll make yourself miserable.

 

Instead, I'd focus on my 'higher ground' theory to motivate myself into rising to that place, and I'd recognize that if the ex will ever meet you there, he'll need to get there all on his own--and according to his own calendar. Which could take months, years or never.

 

Meanwhile, I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resiliency and ability to bounce back. I'd stop discussing him with friends, as having them leak anything about him or back to him won't 'work' well, and it will only keep you anchored to gossip about his new life instead of living yours to the fullest.

 

Head high.

[Movingforward3]

Relationships at this age are often shallow. He is still growing and learning. It is hard to accept, as you sound like a great girl. He just didn't want to be so attached. It is his loss, as he will find that the grass isn't always greener.

Hold your head up high. Keep your self respect. Keep moving forward and focus on you. All this will be a memory! Eat healthy, exercise, and have fun!