Dating best friend isnt what i thought itd be

[fin34]

So im been dating one of my best friends that i have known for four years about a week now. We really hit it off the 4th year and the other 3 weve been acquaintances.

So i went out on a date and asked her out then and she said yes. I care a lot about her and everything she did made me extremely happy. Just her smiling made me extremely happy.

But now after i asked her to be my girlfriend, our relationship hasnt been better than our past friendship. We text less and hold hands now. Thats all that changed.

I feel like she isnt giving me the feedback that i give her. Shes only gone on many first dates and not really a boyfriend so maybe its just er ignornace of not knowing what is important.

Specifically, i asked her one day if she was going to a school event but she said she was busy and said no. Later that night, she texts me saying she decided to go with her gay friend and her little brother. ......what?! Am i being irrational for getting mad? I didnt say anything and ive been swallowing so many little things that make me emotionally tiresome thinking that its the beginning stages and will get better.

(Ive had problems with insecurity and a cheating girlfriend before so every crazy scenario is coming in my head)

We dont see each other a lot and i want to spend the most time with her as possible. Tonight i will be seeing her at a football game for our technically first date and i said i could ride the bus with the band but she asked why i would do that when we can just hang out at the game (we have mutual friends in band and i could get in for free)

My overanalyzing brain wants to think she doesnt want to spend time with me as much. We decided to leave early but now she wants to just "stay at the game, but doesnt mind leaving. It is an away game so now parking for me is going to be hassle and just more work for me.

Tomorrow she is going out of town for a mutual friends birthday and they wanted to go to a frat party. She is really innocent as we only hold hands and hugged a few times. But from what happened with my older friend and his girlfriend, anything can happen at a college party. And she is extremely pretty so i know guys will want to hit on her. (My overprotective and jealousness is coming out)

I pictured a too perfect scenario but its not at all. I dont want to be impulsive and break up but ive been having too many problems. We agreed that if we had a problem then just to say it but if i told her all of it in less than a week, she will want to break up with me. She warned me that we wouldnt be able to do many dates and we agreed we would treat it as a long distance just because of how busy we are.

How do i be casual about this and not overanalyze and get too emotional with every tiny problem that isnt even a problem but i make it one? I need to stop being jealous and overprotective. I want this to work and i think she just wants it to be fun.

Please critisize me hard so i know what to do. Thank you.

[morrowrd]

First of all, insecurity is unattractive in a man.....get rid of it. Also, this relationship doesn't seem solid at all, yet. Go with the flow, and bury the insecurity because all you will do is fast forward to the end.

 

Personally, I don't think she's really into you....yet, and there might be an underlying reason. Most relationships in the beginning the two can't stay away from each other and she's putting up alot of walls. The walls are there for a reason and it's your job to figure a way around them. The way to do that is COMMUNICATION. You say she agreed to be your girlfriend? I'd say it's time to talk about that with her...give her a call or a text, and say "would you like to do something together? Maybe go for a walk, talk a little?" Don't pressure her, just ask and then while on the date, again go with the flow. Don't ask a bunch of insecure questions, ask her about herself. Find things out....while texting, ask questions..find things out. While on the phone, ask questions, find things out. Learn about her, she will like the fact you are interested in getting to know her, as opposed to whining about your insecurities.

 

Trust me, this is the one and only way.

[fin34]

Ill take your advice and tonight At the game just have fun. Thank you so much. And if things are still like this, i will ask if she is free to get coffee or something and talk with her.

[Dottieflanogon]

I think morrowrd pretty much nailed it...all I want to add is First, you just have to find out WHY you are so overprotective. Many people have problems with things like that because they have something else in their life that makes them feel a need to be accepted by someone or become over jealous of other guys that talk to your girlfriend. When you find out why, whatever the reason is, you just need to solve that problem

[CritterBug]

I hate to be "that guy" but you are the one who is in the wrong, not her.

 

You did get one thing right, the best relationships come out of friendship. Getting to know her foride a year before asking her out was a good thing. You need to stop...

 

Just stop... take a breath... and, I need to say it like this so the message gets through, calm the down.

 

You are freaking out over every little thing she does wrong when you yourself say she doesn't have much experience with relationships. Don't bash on her teacher try to show her what a good relationship looks like by not being paranoid (for a start).

 

Final note, just because she is inexperienced with relationships does not mean she is ignorant. You sound like you need to spend as much time together as possible, and if you think that then it is you who is ignorant. You need to do your thing, she needs to do her thing, and once in a while you meat up and do your "together" thing. Otherwise both of you will end up smothering each other.