TheBirdman Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Hello, I am a bit confused and need your advice. I started to flirt with a girl in my workplace. I'm 31 and she is 22 years old. She is a softhearted friendly person. She said "no" in the beginning to me. Then I pushed a bit. She started to get intrested each day. We met few times outside (we were already meeting time to time as friends). She invited me to cinema and also buy me a small gift. However I felt she always puts a distance both phsically and emotionally. She always answered to my compliments in ambigous way. I thought she is very young and need more time. But in the end of a month I felt we stucked and the situation doesn't lead anywhere. One guy always give nice words to the girl. She anwers in a kind way but doesn't really say anything. I told her I don't wanna stay in this grey area anymore. She told me she tried but she really couldn't feel anything to me. What i know she likes flirting and she likes to catch attention of someone else. She gives too much value to my opinions as well. But I believe she didn't feel she is gonna like me chemically. We are both have nice looking actually and I don't feel I can do more for myself. Then i said ok let's finish this and stop meeting outside. (Because it was really hurting me). Now I'm going to see her couple of days in every week in our workplace. I will be kind to her there because I must due to our position. Maybe I made some mistakes during flirting not so sure but I feel I really doesn't want to move on. After so many years I felt I love a person in a beatiful way. It was so nice to feel such and now I don't wanna kill my emotions. Do you think I have another chance? My logic is not so sure. How should act to her after all this things. And if you there is no way to back, how do I recover myself seeing her everyday? It sounds painful. Thank you very much! (non-native speaker)
Knot2loud Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 You can try, but I just don't think she's that interested in you. Just be friendly with her and stop the flirting - some women like it, but some don't (they don't know your intentions).
j.man Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 No, you don't. Don't be a workplace creeper. Leave it alone and keep things cordial.
Sportster2005 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 You're uncomfortable with this? How do you think she feels? She's clear she doesn't want you. Don't look for things that aren't there. Leave the poor girl alone. Especially in the workplace. She goes there to work. The last thing she needs is to fend off your advances and deal with awkwardness.
DoF Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Hello, I am a bit confused and need your advice. I started to flirt with a girl in my workplace. Never EVER date people at work or even be friends with them (but be friendly). Why? MANY reasons a) you invite your entire private life into your daily workforce. EVERYONE will know EVERYTHING b) your job/career is on the line. In time, there WILL be conflict (as with any relationship) c) when that conflict happens, things at work will be super awkward d) It's not worth your job/paycheck I can go on, above should be enough though. And for gods sakes, above doesn't even matter in your situation. This girl is CLEARLY telling you that she doesn't like you. LAY OFF and LISTEN. There is no friendship and there will be no relationship. Almost seems like YOU are the one that's in the early 20s, not her.' I think you need to re evaluate yourself and figure out what is making you push so hard towards a person that wants NOTHING from you. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't like you/is not attracted to you?
Ms Darcy Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Poor girl. She's not interested. Leave her alone.
SooSad33 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 No, dont expect any more from her. She told you she doesn't feel anything for you... respect that and move on. Also, workplace relationships rarely work out. No needed pressure where you work.
TheBirdman Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 I don't understand if i choose the wrong words or not. Why all you are so offensive against me? You talk like as if I push someone who never flirted with me or as if I mobbing her in workplace.
Darlington Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I don't understand if i choose the wrong words or not. Why all you are so offensive against me? You talk like as if I push someone who never flirted with me or as if I mobbing her in workplace. Because some people on here feel the anonymity of being online gives them a hall pass to be mean to someone they've never met. People here forget that the poster is hurting and looking for advice..attacking someone who is heart broken and looking for advice or guidance isn't constructive. As for my advice for you, back off, be friendly with the girl as you would be with anyone else at work and leave it at that. If she ever changes her mind, if I were you, I would turn her down politely and say "sorry you missed your chance"!
Darlington Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You're uncomfortable with this? How do you think she feels? She's clear she doesn't want you. Don't look for things that aren't there. Leave the poor girl alone. Especially in the workplace. She goes there to work. The last thing she needs is to fend off your advances and deal with awkwardness. Am sure you could have phrased this advice in a nicer and less attacking way?
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Darlington. A word. This ENA forum is not intended to be an outpost of some diplomatic corps. Nor should it be. No poster here is going to tell anyone what they wish to hear. I see honesty among posters here, and I don't see any "attacking" as you call it. -footing and beating about the bush is no way to assist someone who comes on here looking for honest views. Telling someone "kindly lies" is IMO most inconsiderate and indeed downright unproductive.
Seraphim Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 This form is the best moderated and probably the most respectful forum I've been on in my life. I don't think we are a bunch of "meanies "here. You want mean ,wow , head out into the rest of the Internet and see what that brings you. I've been on forums where people out right call you names for any reason whatsoever and any name. Full swear words, questioning your heritage ,questioning your parents marital status ,you name it. And on those forms the moderators don't give a good gosh darn and in fact they participate in it. Just because you don't agree with somebody doesn't make you a " meanie." And some people are very direct that's just their personality it doesn't make the mean neither.
Dottieflanogon Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 ^^^agreed ,I haven't seen anyone intentionally being offensive you. They have been trying to help. One thing about this site that I love is you get a wide variety of views. It isn't always about telling people what they want to hear.
Darlington Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Darlington. A word. This ENA forum is not intended to be an outpost of some diplomatic corps. Nor should it be. No poster here is going to tell anyone what they wish to hear. I see honesty among posters here, and I don't see any "attacking" as you call it. -footing and beating about the bush is no way to assist someone who comes on here looking for honest views. Telling someone "kindly lies" is IMO most inconsiderate and indeed downright unproductive. Wow defensive much? Did I say to lie or beat around the bush? No, simply stating that there's a nice way to deliver the even the ugly truth and there is rude way to deliver the truth. The later isn't any more effective, so why do some posters respond in that way? Also key word at the beginning of my post was "some", i.e, not all!!
Seraphim Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 The thing is this forum is well moderated anything the moderating team feels is rude they remove. However rude does not include hey I don't agree with you or hey I think you were a little too direct for my taste.
Dottieflanogon Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I don't understand if i choose the wrong words or not. Why all you are so offensive against me? You talk like as if I push someone who never flirted with me or as if I mobbing her in workplace. Flirting is subjective, You probably made more of it, because you wanted it to be more. You like her, so you interpreted everything through your wishful thinking. Also perceptions vary wildly from person to person especially given ulterior motive. As others have said, leave her alone, she's clearly not interested .In a work place is where she needs to relax from social stuff and focus on her job without added pressure. You get paid at work to work, not to flirt or find a date, you have the choice to keep things professional or make things awkward. Also Dating a co worker is bad policy. You have a fight/argument, disagreement, whatever...one gets vindictive and accuses the other of sexual harassment, and one (or even both) of you is out of a job.
cda Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Epic fail. You didn't strike while the iron is hot. If you haven't had sex within a month go for the next girl.
cda Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 No, you don't. Don't be a workplace creeper. Leave it alone and keep things cordial. It's pathetic watching these workplace creepers. The worst is the nice guy who takes months before he has the courage to say hi. Then one day he gets emotional about it and says he has feelings for her. Double epic fail.
Sportster2005 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Am sure you could have phrased this advice in a nicer and less attacking way? No, It's not an attack. I'm not trying to be nice or mean. Just honest and realistic. I'm strongly against workplace romances, and am unapologetic about that. If I go over the line the mods will let me know. It's happened twice in 3,356 posts, I think I'm O.K.
SoulTaker Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I don't understand if i choose the wrong words or not. Why all you are so offensive against me? You talk like as if I push someone who never flirted with me or as if I mobbing her in workplace. As you've noted, this is a workplace and she has to be around you. Based on her age, she might be relatively new there, and you might have been there for years (you didn't state the years of work experience for each of you). You could be in a more senior position than her, and this might be her way of dealing with a predatory work environment. From your thread, it looks like you initiated things, which is not good on your part. When she turned down your advances, you needed to drop it, and keep things professional. But, you kept pushing matters (which is harassment). At this time, you need to stop dealing with her, and keep it work-related.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.