Am I just paranoid? what should I do?

[reeok]

Right, so i've been with my girlfriend for a while now (9 months to be exact) and everything was perfect. She'd constantly want to see/talk to me (like 2 weeks ago I was supposed to be staying round hers for the weekend but she was so desperate to see me she came round thursday night to pick me up early!), she'd be really caring and tell me she loved me all the time (she even told me a week ago she knew I was her soul partner), we've got a holiday booked for in a months time, she brought my birthday present on Saturday, and we were even looking at houses to buy together. Hell! she even jokingly asked me to marry her and started coming up with names for our future children last thursday!

 

But then Sunday it was like someone had flicked a switch over night and she started acting weird. She very rarely messaged me (even though she was online fairly often) and when she did she didn't really sound like she cared or was interested in the conversation. She stopped sending me hundreds of kisses at the end of her messages and stopped sending me her usual love you / good night texts before bed.

 

Now before you all accuse me of being needy, I know these are all fairly petty but all of them combined plus how this was such a drastic change in character from what I had grown use to, naturally made me concerned and paranoid... and so Sunday night I straight up asked her if she was alright? If I had upset her? and if we were alright? because she had been acting funny.

 

To which she replied, "yeah we're fine and no you haven't x i'm just tired of work tired of doing things and i just need some me space on my own to do what I want xxxx"

 

I then said "ok, so long as you're sure everything is fine? I don't want either of us to go away unsure as to where we stand. If you're having doubts about us or don't love me anymore i'd rather you just tell me xxxxx"

 

She then went on to say, "I'm 100% sure everything is fine! x you just need to remember my life isn't as layed back as yours. I work 9-10 hour days, I finish work go to the gym to unwind and then what spare time I do have I spend with you. I barely have any other time for just myself and I need some xxxx"

 

After this I felt like someone had lifted a burden off my shoulders. Everything was fine! she still loved me! hurray! and so I told her I completely understood and would give her some space, and we agreed I wouldn't go round hers till Saturday night (I had supposed to be going round wednesday, friday, saturday and sunday) to give her time to chill and get on with some work.

 

She continued acting distant for the next few days but I just passed this off as her wanting alone time so left her to it. Some days she'd seem almost like her old self then others she'd seem worse than before! By wednesday the paranoia had kicked back in and so suggested we meet up for just a quick coffee at lunch (so I could see for myself if anything was wrong whilst not taking away any of her alone time). She agreed and we met for an hour.

 

As soon as we met I instantly started hating myself for being such an idiot and doubting her! she looked incredibly tired and ill! Sure she wasn't bubbly as normal, but for the most part she seemed herself. She had even brought me a small present. And after saying the usual goodbyes/love yous she gave me a kiss and I went home feeling a lot more comfortable/happy.

 

That evening, whilst she was still acting fairly distant and taking a while to reply despite being online, she did seem to improve a little. Tagging me in posts on facebook, sending me more kisses, and showing me her Halloween costume.

 

But then things started going downhill again. She told me she was probably off out Saturday night (Halloween) now instead of friday night with her sister so wouldn't see me till Sunday. I thought, ok fair enough. I have no reason to doubt you. But then when I jokingly asked if she could wear her Halloween costume (a black swan ballerina outfit) when I came round Sunday, she flat out refused stating "No because its not Halloween." where as normally she would have jokingly said something like maybe if you're lucky.

 

So I went to bed with mixed feelings, on the one hand she had seemed more of herself in person and I now had a reason for her acting weird (ill/tired) but then on the other hand she had continued acting distant and uninterested shortly afterwards.

 

I woke up this morning with renewed optimism! as whilst I had been asleep she had sent me a love heart and tagged me in another facebook post. So I sent her the usual good morning text and mentioned the video she had tagged me in. I knew she was planning on spending the day shopping with her younger sister today in London and was leaving early so wasn't exactly expecting the fastest of responses, but she saw the message at 0722 this morning, has been online multiple times since, and yet still hasn't responded or even acknowledged me over 7hrs later!

 

At this point i'm at a loss as what to do! I can't keep asking her if everythings alright every other day. Yet i'm going crazy because it feels like something is wrong despite her insisting everything is fine. At the minute i've simply decided to wait for her to text / call me before I send her anything else and see what Sunday brings. But any better suggestions would be appreciated!

 

I think / hope i'm just getting paranoid and reading into it too much again. I know I have trust issues (as it was ironically this exact time last year that I discovered my ex had been cheating on me multiple times), she's never given me any reason to doubt her before, and it was a sudden over night change. My best mate just thinks shes ill / pmsing, and to be fair she had warned me a few weeks back, when I was ill myself, that she gets really grumpy whilst sick.

 

Opinions / advice?

 

Any responses are greatly appreciated! I just needed to get this off my chest.

[reeok]

Quick summary for anyone who can't be bothered to read

 

relationship with girlfriend of 9 months was perfect up till sunday

Over night she suddenly stopped being herself (rarely text me and didn't really sound interested in the conversation)

I asked if everything was alright between us and she said everything was 100% fine, she was just tired and needed some alone time as she hadn't had any for months

I said I understood and we agreed I wouldn't go round till the weekend to give her time to chill

Over the next few days (apart from the odd occasion) she continues to get more and more distant

I suggest meeting for a quick coffee wednesday (as i'd started to worry again) and whilst there she seemed normal, said she loved me, and had even brought me a gift

After this however she continues to be distant and tells me shes off out saturday instead of friday night now with her sister so I wouldn't see her till sunday

I sent her the usual good morning text etc this morning and despite being online throughout the day hasn't bothered replying or even acknowledging me

 

Opinions / Advice?

[DoF]

"When something is too good to be true......." Her initial investment into relationship was WAY overboard.......it wasn't REAL. This is a fact/accept it!

 

NOW you are seeing her true nature (time will always do that hehe), and based on the her actions, it's not so great is it?

 

Let me ask you a question. All of the things she did early on, did you return the favors? Did you go up and beyond as well or did you just receive? Maybe she simply just got tired of always giving......that does happen. What have YOU don't lately other than texts? Have you organized a date, night out or something you 2 can do together.

 

If you tried, and she hasn't shown interest, then you need to start accepting and recognizing her for who she is. Someone that is not very interested in your right now, doesn't want to spend time with you or even text you (it only takes few seconds).

 

You see, her CURRENT actions don't speak of someone that is interested. When we really like someone, WE MAKE TIME. Regardless how busy we are in our lives.

 

So, assuming you have taken the initiative to meet up/schedule things etc, what I would do right now is simply back off. No texts, NOTHING. See what she does.

 

Meanwhile, I would start to write this person off. She seems fake and I would not take her words seriously or trust her. She tells you NOTHING IS WRONG and that she loves you, but clearly, based on her actions that is NOT the case. Opposite is the case!

 

Remember, ACTIONS speak louder than words.

 

PS. I wouldn't call her out on it either. It's always best to just accept things for what they are, vs confront the person and try to make them be who they are not or who they don't want to be. Besides, you don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you right?

[NoMoreJerks]

Probably started feeling like it was a one-sided thing, felt taken for granted, etc. You were enjoying her attentions and not really doing much in return, based on the limited info you provide here... she probably re-evaluated the extent of her investment in you. The whole talking about marriage and kids thing may have been her attempt at testing the waters and seeing your reaction and getting you to think about this and seeing what you will do? Maybe. Who knows. Again, based on limited info.

[Clinton]

My advice, stop being so needy, chill out and see where it goes.

 

No one on here has a window into her mind. Her actions could be due to a ton of different things.

 

She says things are good and she loves you. I'd take her at her word.

[reeok]

Believe me its not been one sided at all. I actually did initially think it might have been because we hadn't gone out for a while (we're supposed to be saving for a house together and both agreed to cut our trips out down to once a month to help save faster), but thing is she just insists everythings ok between us and she's just feeling ill / tired and needs some time to herself. And to be fair when I saw her yesterday she did look absolutely exhausted! but I dunno. Think i'll just have to wait till sunday and if things haven't improved ask her what's wrong face to face.

[DoF]

Believe me its not been one sided at all. I actually did initially think it might have been because we hadn't gone out for a while (we're supposed to be saving for a house together and both agreed to cut our trips out down to once a month to help save faster), but thing is she just insists everythings ok between us and she's just feeling ill / tired and needs some time to herself. And to be fair when I saw her yesterday she did look absolutely exhausted! but I dunno. Think i'll just have to wait till sunday and if things haven't improved ask her what's wrong face to face.

 

DO NOT get into house buying with a person you are not married to. And marriage, to get to that point, it's going to take TIME, LOTS OF TIME (as in 3-5 years more AT LEAST).

 

Heck, that should be completely out of your mind at this point, due to her lack of interest into you.

 

You still seem to be ignoring that fact.......

[sargon]

These things sometimes happen in cycles. She's stressed from work, so she's going to be affected in other ways, maybe she thinks the relationship is too much to handle at this point, but then those feelings pass and shes mostly ok again.

 

There's really nothing you can do except back off and give her space as others have said.

 

It could be a passing thing, or the hammer could come down and she'll tell you how great a guy you are but she just can't handle a relationship at this point in her life with all the work related stress and all that.

 

Asking her what's wrong will just stress her out more, I don't think you want to be doing that just yet. Give her a bit more time to sort things.

[sargon]

DO NOT get into house buying with a person you are not married to. And marriage, to get to that point, it's going to take TIME, LOTS OF TIME (as in 3-5 years more AT LEAST).

 

I don't agree that you cant buy a house with a person you're not married to. I'm with my girlfriend 4 years, we're not going to get married (we've both been there) but we'll most likely purchase a house together, and we'll have a contract protecting both our interests. More people are deciding against marriage nowadays, and lots of those people live together.

 

I do agree that 9 months is way too soon to consider such a big shared financial responsibility.

[DoF]

These things sometimes happen in cycles. She's stressed from work, so she's going to be affected in other ways, maybe she thinks the relationship is too much to handle at this point, but then those feelings pass and shes mostly ok again.

 

There's really nothing you can do except back off and give her space as others have said.

 

It could be a passing thing, or the hammer could come down and she'll tell you how great a guy you are but she just can't handle a relationship at this point in her life with all the work related stress and all that.

 

Usually, in Bold is a indicator of a poor self control and a person that doesn't deal well with work or stress.

 

I also don't have a high regard for people that a) take their work WAY too seriously, clearly she does working 10-12 hour days.....and b) people that allow their work to effect their personal life.

 

This should be another indicator of POOR character of hers.....

[JustWishing]

Alright, I just boldly say it...I think she changed her mind and there is someone else involved. Tired and ill and whatever is not a valid excuse for her behavior. I wonder why she does not want to wear the costume for you, because apparently she is wearing it for someone!!

[DoF]

I don't agree that you cant buy a house with a person you're not married to. I'm with my girlfriend 4 years, we're not going to get married (we've both been there) but we'll most likely purchase a house together, and we'll have a contract protecting both our interests. More people are deciding against marriage nowadays, and lots of those people live together.

 

I do agree that 9 months is way too soon to consider such a big shared financial responsibility.

 

You haven't been in experiance where things go south.....

 

Most people also DO NOT protect their interest/have a contract....and it's hell. Thus why I recommend against it.

[reeok]

Thanks for all your advice. Decided i'm going to ring her when she gets back from London tonight and ask her what's happening again. If anyone is interested i'll post the results later

[DoF]

Thanks for all your advice. Decided i'm going to ring her when she gets back from London tonight and ask her what's happening again.

 

Where has that gotten you so far? She will keep telling you what you want to hear.

 

 

If anyone is interested i'll post the results later

 

You can post them but I'm willing to bet they will be exact same.

 

NOTHING IS WRONG

 

When clearly, she has 0 interest in you.

 

Alright, I just boldly say it...I think she changed her mind and there is someone else involved. Tired and ill and whatever is not a valid excuse for her behavior. I wonder why she does not want to wear the costume for you, because apparently she is wearing it for someone!!

 

Agreed, I didn't want to tell the OP this but it's most likely the case here. She probably already has a new guy on the side ready to to replace the OP.

 

All of her ACTIONS (or I should say LACK of actions) should tell him that. She is NOT interested in your OP, nor does she want to spend time with you.

 

Chances are, she is spending it with someone else.

 

RUN FOREST RUN

[reeok]

I understand that but at the minute i'm going crazy and just need to know whats happening one way or the other!

[jayceeanne]

I was in a similar situation. I had been dating my BF for about 8 months. Things were absolutely amazing. One day it was like a switch was flipped. He seemed distant, texts werent the same, but when I saw or we talked on the phone things seemed normal. I could get the uneasy feeling out of my head and my gut was telling me something was wrong. I straight up asked him and he told me that it was all in my head and that he wasnt being different. So I chose to ignore my intuition. A few more days passed and things still werent the same. I decided to send him a long email about how I was feeling and to my surprise, he broke up with me. Im not saying this is the same as your situation, Im just saying, if you suspect something isnt right, it probably isnt.

[reeok]

For anyone who is interested, turns out I was just being a paranoid needy idiot. She's swears everything is fine and is 100% sure she loves me and we're fine but needs a week to herself every so often as all the stress from work gets to her. She really wants to see me sunday and is definitely coming to my nans birthday dinner in 2 weeks (we're booking the table tomorrow) so alls good! If anything I might of annoyed her a little by coming accross as needy but at least I can stop stressing now.