ambreaux405 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Good evening all of you lovelies , I am just about 3 months post break up and it's hard to even believe that. It feels like just yesterday I was moving out of our home, sobbing on the way to my new apartment. The memory of hugging him that last time before I left still stings and makes my eyes get watery. I am not sure that I am doing all that much better, to be honest. Well, I am, because I now measure how long I've gone without crying in days/weeks rather than hours. So definite improvement there. I'm not sure exactly how to describe the feeling I have had lately. It's more of an "in shock" type of feeling. Almost like something reminds me of him and I forget that we are broken up, and then I suddenly remember that we aren't together and it feels so wrong. We are in very low contact. But it feels like I am communicating with a complete stranger. I checked in with him over the weekend because we were having bad floods, just to make sure he was doing alright. He responded that he was fine and asked how I was. I didn't respond...it just seems pointless I guess. I had too much wine one night and asked him if he missed me at all...he said yes and that lots of things make him think of me. Again, I didn't say anything further, because what's the point? Anyway, just venting really. I haven't really experienced this set of feelings yet...I went through complete desperation and devastation and sobbing every hour of the day, to extreme anger, to feeling nothing at all, and now to feeling in shock at random moments. I still have moments where I cry...a week or so ago I realized I couldn't remember the sound of his voice and that thought freaked me out to the point of crying. How can I be forgetting someone who was so important to me for so long? It's not all bad. I've had moments of happiness as well. I'm not depressed 24/7. 3 months is nothing. I sentenced myself to at least a year of being on my own before I even think about dating again...so I'm a quarter of a way there, I suppose.
Coldarmy13 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Stay the course and stay strong. I wouldn't advise low contact, even IF it was because of the floods, but I don't know the details of your former relationship. Just keep going, it will get better. It will.
ambreaux405 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Oh I know we shouldn't even be doing low contact. It's my fault. I go a few weeks without saying a word to him and in a moment of weakness check in to see how he's doing. I'll get past that eventually, I'm sure.
Coldarmy13 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Oh I know we shouldn't even be doing low contact. It's my fault. I go a few weeks without saying a word to him and in a moment of weakness check in to see how he's doing. I'll get past that eventually, I'm sure. Baby steps then.. cant eat yesterdays breakfast.
boltnrun Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yep, the continued contact keeps your psyche believing you are still in the relationship. Your logical self knows this is not so, but now you're created an internal conflict. Some days you listen to your logic, some days you listen to your emotions. If your logic and your emotions were following the same path (no contact, therefore no keeping yourself emotionally in the relationship), you would make better progress sooner.
fitgirl Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 What boltnrun said makes a tons of sense. I feel like I've been going through the same thing. Low contact but setbacks because of it. We need to stay strong OP!
overthemoon86 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 3 months is still a pretty short amount of time...I am not sure how long you were together, but I know for me I was still absolutely miserable at 3 months. Please give yourself some credit, I know you aren't where you want to be, but you are still processing the loss. It is going to take more time, more adjustment to your new reality. You relive the shock over and over again until it becomes your reality....sounds harsh, but it's kinda true. I would also cut contact completely. That I think is going to be the biggest trigger in helping you move on. I never once reached out to my ex and I think that was my saving grace to feeling better. Don't ask him how he is or if he misses you. Don't reach out anymore because it really is setting you back. This journey is about you and only you. You don't need him or his validation anymore.
ambreaux405 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks for the logical replies. I know i have to cut contact completely...but I just can't bring myself to accept that I am never going to speak to him again. I'm not sure how to get to that point.
ntAgainPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 If it makes things easier, don't think of it as never speak to him again. Think of it in smaller chunks: not going to speak to him this week, not going to speak to him this month, and so on. If you try to digest that all at once, it's overwhelming. Next Monday will be three months for me and I'm also in the same place. We'll all get through this together!
ambreaux405 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 I was doing that at first. "I'm just not going to talk to him this week." etc. It does work. But then the thoughts of him and wondering how he is doing become overwhelming and i eventually reach out to just check in. I never bring up anything about us or our relationship, we just make small talk for a few e-mails and then eventually I stop responding again. I'm fine for now...I don't feel any particular need to contact him today.
evam Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 People are not kidding when they say that dealing with a break-up is like dealing with addiction. It's strange to think that the closest person to you suddenly turns into a complete stranger, but in order to move on and reduce anxiety you really need to cut all ties with your ex. There's a healing process that needs to be done, consider it like rehab away from your ex. Once you think you are completely comfortable having him around you then you will be ready to open contact with him.
lje1994 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I'm going through same kind of scenario with similar I miss you texts going back on fourth. I'm only 2 months out of the relationship and this is my 3rd day of NC. I don't know if it's any help to you but I'm very similar and have weak moments and would just randomly text her and it made me feel so much worse. I'd suggest deleting his number and any social media so there's no chance of any slips. There's a long road ahead but we're all human and are vulnerable just take your time and you'll soon be that happy person you were prior to being with him.
.thumb.jpeg.b5579b6b06637cc0e4e460d62254ebb1.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.