Boyfriend got depressed, cut me off. What should I do?

[Lover829]

I've been in an online relationship with someone who I mutually fell in love with, things were amazing and it was strong enough to go through the pain of a long distance relationship because we really believed in it.

 

I have trust issue problems, which I didn't realize was badly affecting him when I would need reassurance. I was certainly working on it and being more open, and less resistant.

 

Well he has a history with depression, I knew this and he knew I did too. He seemed fine for a while, there were a lot of this he wasn't telling me. He was suffering from depression and didn't talk to me about it because he thought it was hurting me, by his own words to a friend of mine he wasn't safe for me, but I disagree. I want to get through the hard times with him so badly, he won't let me.

 

So here's a little info on when things started to go down hill..

he had to go to this retreat thing for 3 days, where he was supposed to talk about how he was feeling and all. He wouldn't open up to the people there, he just doesn't want to talk about it I guess. When he got back and we were talking again he let me know there was something wrong, but didn't want to go into detail because he didn't want me to hurt. I eventually got it out of him that he was self harming very aggressively that night. I tried being there for him and trying to get him to open up to me but he just wouldn't do it. I wen't to bed that night, the last thing he said to me was "Okay baby goodnight"

I got up the next morning and was texting him to ask how he was feeling, to find he blocked me on the messenger app we were using, and every other social media. This shattered my heart into a million pieces, so I created so many other accounts all begging him to talk to me, I would say things like "Please talk to me, I love you, I miss you, I need you"

 

he would just block them all. Still refuses to talk to me

 

so my best friend created a fake account and was talking to him, he told her he was having problems but wouldn't talk about it. Then my friend came out and told him who she was and how horrible that he just dropped me like that with no explanation....he had a conversation with her and said things like

he loves me but he's in a bad mental state and not safe for me to be around. He thought I had given up on us and didn't want me to know him any more, he thinks I will come out of it stronger but he wont.

 

After my friend told me all of that I messaged him the next day on a fake account and said something like

"Hey...(friend's name) told me to message you.. I miss you so much and I love you more than anything. I trust you, and I'm working on it, we can get through this baby

I don't know what to think, it hurts unbearably but I can't just give up on us like this, I love him and I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to bring us back together.

 

So what do you think I should do?

 

Also would you guess that he misses me just as bad? If so why isn't he talking to me? I know this was long but I tried to keep it as short as possible with necessary details. He's in a very dark place, I try putting myself in his shoes but it's nearly impossible.

[abitbroken]

Talk about trust issues...how can someone trust you if you are baiting them with fake accounts???

 

Number one, you guys are online only, you have not met in person, I assume? People can make up things so as to never meet the other person. Or it could be true and he can't be in a relationship right now - he met you online and originally just wanted someone to chat with and things went from there. The only thing you can do is encourage him to get help. But because he doesn't want to talk to you - I would leave him alone.

 

I know it stinks, but I really encourage you to accept his "no", and find someone more emotionally healthy to be in a relationship with. Try going on dates with guys in your area just because. Or when you are emotionally ready. But more so, I encourage YOU to see counseling and nip why you are seeking out men who are 1) Unavailable physically. They don't live near you or live near but only want to talk online. 2) Emotionally unavailable - and you want to fix them or be their savior or therapist. Do this before you are 30 or 40 and in the same boat.

[Iwantherback88]

Depression is very nasty and it sounds like he has this very badly. I don't know if you have done much research into it but he is expressing clear depressed traits. He sees that you would be better off without him, he sees very little self worth and that you'd given up on 'you' despite it coming from him. You need to just be there for him if and when he gets himself feeling better. He needs specialist help and in my experience he needs to engage in this but it has to be something he wants to do. If he has ups and downs then it can be hard on you. However, if he just doesn't want contact/you then there is not much you can do. Reassure him you're there for him then step back and observe from afar and be there if he needs you if you want to wait. I'm in a very similar position myself and it sucks.

[JustWishing]

Trust his judgment. If he says he is in a bad mental state and it is not safe to be around him...believe him. Back way off and show him in giving him the space he wants that you understand him. When he is ready he will come around and contact you. If not, then this is not the kind of relationship you want to be in anyway.

[Heather Dawn]

What a mess.

 

Have you met this person in real life? If so, how long have you actually spent with him in person?

 

Depression, while no one's fault, can certainly ruin relationships. And if you know him solely online or are long-distance and only see each other once in a while, then things are tenuous even in the best of times.

 

I think you need to let this go. This isn't going to work. He needs to seek help for his depression and you need to accept that him blocking you is his way of ending things. You should also seek some help so that you can learn to recognize unhealthy situations and avoid them in the future.