Confused girlfriend and mother

[Confused gf]

Well, I should start off by describing my relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years.. We have a baby girl together and he is a great dad. I am not sure if I am being selfish or too curious, but I feel like I have a need to know about his past relationships. I lost my virginity to him but he had been with 4 women before me. I am naturally curious, I suppose, about how his past relationships were. Anyways, throughout the 3 years that I have been with him, each time that I even ask him the smallest details about his past, he lashes at me, asking me why I have to know and that is doesn't matter because it is in the past. I would freely answer any question about my past if he were to ask me (although I had not had sex with another guy before him, I did have some wild times too). Well, two days ago, he finally gave in and gave me a brief summary of how he felt about his ex-girlfriends. Now another problem arose when I asked him if he regretted being with any of them. He answered that he regrets all of them except for his first girlfriend, his first love. Well, is it selfish of me to have expected an answer like "I wish you would have been the first girl I made love to" or "I wish I had met you sooner so that I would have experienced all my firsts with you- first kiss, first love". Maybe I am being too sensitive about the subject, but I have concluded that the only way to get over this is to detach myself from him a bit. Maybe I am too dependent on him? When I told him how I felt about all this, he said that we should break up. Because I told him I needed some space from him, he said it would be best to just split up. Am I being too selfish? Should I apologize for telling him the truth about how I felt?

[mhowe]

You opened the can of worms, enjoy eating them.

 

You had no need to hear about his past, nor to question his regrets. You will willingly talk about your non existent sex life. How wonderful!

 

And now you want to punish him for telling the truth. I agree with him. You guys should break up and simply coparent your daughter.

[dias]

Yes , you are selfish and you will destroy a healthy relationship for no reason.

[greta96]

Never ask questions you are not prepared to hear the answers to!

It is generally a smart idea not to discuss one's intimate past with anyone, unless it is to disclose some STD. Nothing good can ever come from asking your partner, whom you love, about his previous loves - it is only normal that the answer will make you feel uneasy, jealous, insecure, because seriously, who wants to picture the person they love with someone else? Some things are best left alone in the past, where they belong.

 

No, he shouldn't have answered the way you wrote, there is no standard answer for that type of question. He chose to be honest instead of telling you what you wanted to hear, and that's a good thing. You overreacted when you told him you needed space from him because of his answer, and he overreacted when he said you two should break up. You two need to grow up and realize that now it's not only the 2 of you in a relationship, you have a baby that needs to be your #1 priority, and not the meaningless stuff you two are concerning yourselves with.

 

Time for both of you to act like adult parents, or to part ways.

[bulletproof]

Well, is it selfish of me to have expected an answer like "I wish you would have been the first girl I made love to" or "I wish I had met you sooner so that I would have experienced all my firsts with you- first kiss, first love".

It's not so much selfish as it is insecure and a little naive, in my opinion.

 

When I told him how I felt about all this, he said that we should break up. Because I told him I needed some space from him, he said it would be best to just split up.

 

Wanting to split up over something as small as this makes me think he's just looking for a reason. That's a pretty extreme reaction. So I'm assuming there are other issues in the relationship. You can try to talk and sort those out, but if he wants to leave, you can't really stop him. I highly doubt he's leaving over this one incident.

[abitbroken]

You have a child with this man. Whatever past is past. You had every right to ask when you FIRST started dating. You had the right to know if he was seeing others at the same time, or even perhaps how long ago his last relationship was to decide to get tested for STDs if you were concerned. But now - why do you want to know?

 

He is allowed to have not regretted been in a relationship with his first girlfriend. I hope relationships my boyfriend or ex had were all relationships that they wanted to be in at the time - even if they ended.