losingcontrol Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Day 13NC and i want to die. I mean i dont want to kill myself, i just want to die and stop missing him so terribly bad. I feel a hole in my heart and im just so miserable. I feel like no one understands and im just so tired of acting like im fine. Im not fine i just want to stay in bed all day and cry. He broke up with me because he felt we were too different and that we weren´t right for eachother ( we had been together for 3 and a half years, his family loved me, everyone thought we would get marry and so did we, he asked me to marry him like 10 times, with no ring just like a quiestion). 2 days after we broek up he texted me and told me how deeply sorry he was for what he did, that he loved me, that he just couldnt live without me, that he would always regret making the biggest mistake of his life of breaking up with me..and blah blah, and i told him no, that he couldnt make me suffer so much and just think that with a message everything would be better. That he has done this before, make me suffer and i always forgive him so easily that he had to do something more...….2 days after that we went out to eat and all we did was fight about all our problems but we kissed, he told me to go back home with him and i said no, because things just wouldnt go back as they were not after what he did cause i was scare that he would just keep doing it, thinking that it was ok to make me suffer and he didnt like that because i guessed he wanted sex and then when i left we kissed goodbye, but we werent back together. A day after that i went camping with my parents, he told to tell him when i got back so i did, and he was so distant so i asked what was wrong, and he said that he was just stressd and tired and that he needed time to rethink a lot of things in his life. and that he didnt have time to reconquer me right now.. so he asked for us to take a break and again i said no, i told him taht if he needed time to think if he wanted to be with me or not, then we should just break up, because i wouldnt be fine just waiting for him trying to decide if i was worth it or not. and he said fine, i think that would be best. and that was the last time we spoke. we have broken up before, but it only lasted like a day tops, because we would always get back together, and he would always say that it was because we loved eachother so much its impossible for us to be apart. and now its been 13 days of no contact…and he hasnt tried to contact me, not even once. I feel like he never loved, and its just so hard to imagine him being so happy and moving on..and all i can do is think of him..how much i miss him…and how much i wished he loved me the way he says he does. I dont know waht to do. I feel like i should just contact him and see if he still lvoes me, if he still wants to have a family with me, but in the other hand i feel that if i go back crawling to him, he is just gonna keep taking me for granted and make me suffer again.
JA0371 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Going through it too..,,.i have a thread in the Getting Back Together forum.....it gets easier. You need to focus on you...and only you. Do not even consider him. He's gone. So is the relationship you once had. It will never go back to the way it was. Once you accept that fact.....it gets much easier.
losingcontrol Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 I will check out your thread C: thanks for the support, its just I want to move on...but still in the back of my mind i really hope we end up together. This contradicting feeling just makes me so anxious.
MovieGuy18 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I know what you are going through. My two-year relationship (well, almost two years) ended two months ago. It does get easier but the memories will always be there. You just have to try and focus on yourself as much as possible and less on him. If he wants to reconcile and try to fix the relationship, he will. My ex hasn't said anything about getting back together, but sends me mixed signals all of the time and wants me to be her "friend" but I can't agree to that, and no one should agree to be friends after a break up, especially when the other person is dating/rebounding. It's been a tough day for me too. Spoke to my ex briefly to let her know I was thinking of her and asked if she wanted to get together and have dinner and chat, but because I said we can't be friends and I still have feelings for her, she is hesitant. Today would have been our two year anniversary...
Astrogirl Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Hang in there. It is a painful process but think how much better you feel, not only once you're over it but you actually got there.
Movingforward3 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I am sorry for your pain. What has helped me has been focusing on eating right and exercise and being active and allowing myself to live and have fun. You don't have to give him up all in one day. You move forward as best as you can. You recognize there are many things can happen both good and bad and in between. You can leave the door open to communication. And let things happen as they will. You will have good days and bad. It is still fresh in your mind. No contact will help. I agree you must maintain your dignity. I hope you can find solace. If you need help, ask. I will advise you as best I can.
SooSad33 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 You have done 13 days.. so far so good. You need to keep going. I know it's hard to... You need to focus on what caused the BU. You need to work on 'accepting & healing' now. It all takes time.. and in time things will get easier for you. Loss is never easy and your emotions are like a roller coaster. Your best option is to continue your time Away from anything to do with him. No contact.. no begging.. nothing, in order to keep moving forward... One day at a time.. it can be done. Many of us have been there.. you're not alone.
losingcontrol Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 thanks for the support, I do feel a lot better today. It's a really nice day today, weather wise, so that lifts up my mood. I get that it will eventually get better, is just that it hurts me to think how easily he moved on. Well i guess i dont know that because of the no contact, but still how come he doesnt try to contact me! How can he go from; i love you, you are the only thing that i want in life, I know i dont derserve you but breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life and i will always regret it please forgive me..how can he go from that to; i need time to rethink everything in my life, and i dont have time to make you forgive me so lets break up. I just dont get it! How can he say im the most important thing in his life and then dont even try to keep me in it. Was it all a lie? I feel so stupid! and that thought alone drives me insane i cant even sleep at night thinking about how could i be so foolish to believe his words OVER AND OVER AGAIN! its not the first time he has done this...the whole i dont deserve you bull and breaking up with me , making me suffer and then i would reach out to him, he would say he loves me and that his sorry and i would forgive me. This time i refuse to reach out to him, and so he does nothing. I really im so appalled, i cant believe it.
SooSad33 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Shows immaturity on his part.... One should not be acting out as he has. Breaking it off and having you beg for him to come back.. repeatedly. same with the ' I love you's. He doesn't have a clue what love is...sadly. Take some down time now and work on yourself & getting over your loss. In time, things will seem clearer on why you two broke up etc. Right now it's just a cluster of emotions. Sorry, I Know it hurts... One day at a time..tc
Moomoomike Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Hey, check out my post, might give you an insight on how to deal with the feeling of emptiness.
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