Is it a good idea at all to keep it up?

[John D]

Hi, my name is John D. and I reached a point in my relationship were i could need help. I try to keep this as short as possible but let me introduce some details to you first. I´m a simple guy in my early twenty's, after finishing my A-levels I was spending the last two years abroad where I kind of build up a own life, I had a nice flat and a good job but I ended moving back to my hometown a while ago. I started a relationship with a woman who (I finally figured it out after a while, since she didn´t want to tell me) turned out to be eight years older than me. It didn´t bother me at all, things were great in the beginning, we liked the same things, had the same passions and laughed about the same jokes. Nothing of that changed so far really. The age thing actually never came up since I always looked a little older and as she kept herself up really well, people were always guessing us about the same.

About one month after we decided to make it public unfortunately things started to go real bad in her live, so she ended up fighting a depression for a long time. I tried every day to give my very best to keep her mind up, like writing her letters, doing her laundry, grocerys... Finally she just recently got over everything and started working again, but here´s the thing: The time lefts marks on her. She lost a lot of her hair, she got real skinny and her face got wrinkled. Now, we still have a good time together when we´re at home but as soon as we´re in public now, the looks of the people fell like stings when they see us. I really don´t want to be that guy who breaks up just because his partner gets old, but I just feel like I just can´t be the boyfriend for her that I want to be if I feel embarrassed every time we´re in public. I still love on the one hand but I think she deserves better on the other. That situation makes me feel really bad since a couple of weeks now and even made me pic up some old bad habits.

Addition: Because of work we´re planing to move together. It sounded like a great Idea first, but now I´m not that sure anymore..

 

I hope that anybody out there can understand that situation I´m currently suffering from, I´m really greatfull for any response.

 

Thanks for reading

[mhowe]

You don't think she deserves better, you think you do.

 

And there is nothing evil about losing attraction to someone. Let her know that your feelings have changed and that the relationship isn't what it once was.

 

What "bad habits" have you picked up?

[agent1607307371]

the way you're describing her, doesn't sound like a woman in her early 30's. It sounds more like the physical manifestation of illness. And I doubt people are looking at you as much as you think they are.

 

At the end of the day, if you're embarrassed to be seen with her, you have to end it. Feel as bad about it as you want, but you can't waste her time like that. Feelings chance, attractions fade, but stringing someone along when you're done is cruel.

 

And definitely don't move in with her.

[SooSad33]

if she's lost weight etc... she can improve and look better again. Are you not willing to wait and see?

 

or.. maybe it';s just taken it's toll on you, emotionally w/e?

[John D]

@ mhowe

I started smoking again after I successfully quit it since two years now. I just hate myself for the thougts I'm having because I still really do love her. Our whole relationship over the past year was for me to take care of her to make her feel better. Just the thought of hurting her by breaking up breaks my heart.