BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I've been trying to get over my ex girlfriend lately but it seems like I keep hitting walls. I'm 22 and she was 19, we had very high peeks and emotional lows in our relationship. She suffered from bpd but I stuck through it with her and I even studied on it to help both of us. We were in a LDR 5 hours apart, and we lasted for a year and 3 months. I'm stuck between having hard feelings and wanting to be there for her because I still feel responsible for her because (she went through alot of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse when she was younger). Here's a list of the pros and cons of our relationship. Pros; -we were comfortable with eachother in every way. -I've never been as passionate with anyone in my life. -her family loved me. -we both proclaimed that we can only see marriage and kids with eachother. -we were that cheesy couple when we were together, people called us relationship goals. -she was my best friend as well. -she would cry whenever I went home, it made me feel wanted and needed. -she would always try to do cute things for me like surprise me with gifts. -we made so many memories together in many places. Cons; -first 2 weeks of our relationship she still had side guys. -she doesn't like when people point out her wrongs, she gets angry. -she lied about who Byron was when he texted her (ex boyfriend who got her pregnant once and got an abortion) asking to hook up again. -she craved attention from more guys other than me on social media. -she had alot of guys that would hit her up asking if she was taken (snapchat, ig, whatsapp, Facebook, and via text) -she would never give a straight answer, instead get defensive and mad. -2 of her friends slept around, 1 of them was in a dysfunctional, relationship, but all of them wanted to interfere in ours (telling her she don't need to be in an LTR, and talking behind my back) -my compliments didn't mean anything to her (when I would tell her she was gorgeous, beautiful, etc) -she went on j rides (smoking) with random guys. -she went to raves Atleast 2 times a month wearing short spandex and a sports bra. -she cheated on me (made out) with a guy friend she claimed was ugly. -hung out with that same guy after our first break up. -she would aways talk down on herself and me (bpd), though I can't use the excuse that bpd was the cause of all this, she can make decisions like anyone else (I did research on it). -after all of this she said she was miserable and that I was torturing her in the last month and plays the victim to her friends (the ones who slept around of course) even though I was the one that felt like she didn't have me as a priority being that she went out every weekend. I never called her out of her name and never laid hands on her, the most I would do would be a silent treatment. She called me a few weeks ago to "check up on how I was doing" and I was calm and collected, ended it on a good note. Then I messed up by contacting her the following week and it ended in an argument, I feel like shes gone for good this time. I was upset because I did so much for her, emotional support, drove to her all the time, spoiled her, treated her like a princess. Im so lost in how to feel now and I don't think I'll ever be able to match the way I felt when I was with her. What's wrong with me?
Movingforward3 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I understand where you are coming from. It is hard to handle these issues at 40 and I can't imagine at 21. As much as I hate to say this, she is broken. Suffering from bpd and depression is very hard on a relationship. You cannot fix her. Only she can fix herself to where it is better managed, but it will not be cured. And she is so young, she likely does not have the will at this time to do this. I know how you feel. I so wanted to fix mine. I miss the roller coaster. But, you must remember it is great when the ride is at the top, but it really sucks when your on the way down. This cycle will continue throughout your relationship. You are in the black. They know no in betweenness gray. Either, you are best or you are the worst. I know it is hard to let go of someone you love, but you must back away and live your life. There is only pain and sorrow if you continue with her. I wish you the best and ask me anything and I will help you!
BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 I wish I knew what to ask you, the first week I was fine post breakup and then it hit me hard. I'm both angry at her for betraying me to wanting her back, then from knowing I deserve better to being jealous because she is out partying with her friends meeting guys, I don't even wanna think of what she might be doing, she was very sexually active. The last time we talked it's like she didn't even care, she claimed she would always love me but she had a smirk on her face, it didn't feel sincere
Movingforward3 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I know a website that may help Bpdfamily.com What you must accept is that it is about her and her being broken. It isn't you. I know your pain. But, you have to choose focusing on you. I can tell you what has helped me the most has been eating healthy and exercising. I have lost 35 lbs so far and I feel amazing. Allowing yourself to live your life and have fun is the other key. Your destruction is not part of the deal with the breakup. You have to choose you now! Be kind and patient with yourself. It will take time! You will have good and bad days. You can choose to live and keep the door open. You can't control her, only you. You don't have to give her up all in one day. Just accept where you are at and move forward as best as you can.
jennylove Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 One day you will realize that you dodged a bullet. All of the things you listed are nothing special. I want you to concentrate on the cons if you think of her, exercise, watch movies about the Holocaust/slavery and compare your problems to theirs (helps put things into perspective) and block her from allll forms of contact. Do these things and you will be over her in 2 weeks max guaranteed. Thank me later.
BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Thanks for the helpful advice, I'm gonna take your advice and eat better and workout myself. I've been isolated and picked up bad eating habits so I guess that doesn't help me
BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 One day you will realize that you dodged a bullet. All of the things you listed are nothing special. I want you to concentrate on the cons if you think of her, exercise, watch movies about the Holocaust/slavery and compare your problems to theirs (helps put things into perspective) and block her from allll forms of contact. Do these things and you will be over her in 2 weeks max guaranteed. Thank me later. 2 weeks almost sounds too good to be true lol, I cut off all contact already. So I guess all that's left is time
BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Is she blocked on social media? I blocked and deleted her off of everything, I even deleted my social media apps itself. I deleted her number and recent contacts. Even restricted her pages in my iPhone settings.
Movingforward3 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 You must also get rid of all photos and anything that reminds you of her. Put it away or get rid of it. Delete cell number. Keep it on a piece a paper if you like. I know how hard that is to do. To keep that going. Keep your mind occupied with a new hobby. You are doing fine!
BrokenRules62 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 You must also get rid of all photos and anything that reminds you of her. Put it away or get rid of it. Delete cell number. Keep it on a piece a paper if you like. I know how hard that is to do. To keep that going. Keep your mind occupied with a new hobby. You are doing fine! Yea deleting her pictures was the first thing I did, I got rid of everything she got me. And I don't have anyway of knowing her number unless she calls (which I doubt she'd do now). I've been in between jobs so I've had too much time to sit around and think. But I start my new job Monday and I'm gonna join a boxing gym soon. Hopefully you're right because some days if feel like I'm in a long dark tunnel with no light ahead, others not so bad
kamurj Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.
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