Broke it off by text

[unSureLife]

I'm a 27 year old who met a girl a few months ago. She's a bit older and was very cool, sweet, and attractive. We started talking and hanging out, and as we were dating I found out she was going through some hard times. She asked to stay for a few days, and it turned into her moving in because I wanted her to focus, be comfortable, have a home, and we could work on a relationship. I made sure she had food, I helped her with her car, phone, website, insurance. I made sure she knew she was loved and cared for. I put up with constant moodiness, smart remarks, and some bad vibes that made it terrible to come home. She would voice her appreciation, and I would voice mine, and give her hope for better tomorrows.

 

That all changed this week when she started acting very weird. I thought ok it's probably her being moody, but then by text, she broke up with me. She said we weren't good matches and it wasn't going to work in the long run, and thanked me for being a lovely friend. I just thought that to be completely nuts because I'm like, I do so much, ask for nothing in return, and I get a text message? It was a horrible day at work too, so I just stayed at work until really late and she was calling asking where I was, telling me I didn't have to lie. Then she offered to pick me up from the train station. I was so disgusted by just being around her that I left home, and limited communication. I woke up for work the next morning and left, and got a message about how I'm not the gentleman she thought I was and how I'm not emotionally mature. That was also basically the same vibe for the next few days where I left for work, and didn't come back until late. 2 days were for work, and a third day a friend wanted to pick me up.

 

She insulted my manhood through text, called me names, told me how disgusted she was, etc. All this and she's still in my apt, I didn't kick her out because I know she doesn't really have anywhere to go. Then she text that she didn't sign up to be lonely, that she should be wth someone who loves her. Worst yet, she may be pregnant(which I thought she might be for a few weeks, but wasn't worried because I would have done what I had to regardless), so I will have to take her to the doctor, and pay for any treatment if she is. So she basically still lives here, she's been staying in the living room, and I just stay in my bedroom. I told her today that I'd make an appointment with the doctor, and that she can stay until she makes alternative living arrangements.

 

Tonight I woke up and overheard her on the phone saying how badly I was treating her. How I wasn't a man, how I didn't try to go after her and everything, and discuss the situation. How I just come and go and don't say much. How I cooked something she asked for today and it was bad. How you have to test the fabric of relationships to see how people really are. I'm just tired. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. I'm not the best communicator, and I'm not the best at handling situations sometimes. Maybe she wanted me to chase after her to prove I loved her? I just feel like, I'm doing so much, and you broke it off... by text... and want me to chase you and make everything right? Maybe I'm a horrible nice guy, and my wanting to be appreciated was an ulterior motive? When she said that, I was just like ok, I need to return focus to my goals at work and in life. What do you guys think abouut the situation?

[Clio]

Breaking up by text shows that she is a terrible communicator herself and very immature for her age. Based on what you wrote, she sounds like a very spoiled person. Wanting to be appreciated is valid. However, you need to have boundaries so as to prevent people from taking advantage of that need and make sure that you do not enable their bad behavior/ step into co-dependence territory. Things moved too fast between the two of you. It sounds like each of you has personal issues that needs to address. Ask her to find alternative living arrangements as soon as possible (e.g. move in with family or friends) and move out. She is a grown woman. She got by before meeting you, rest assured that she can do it again without you. No need to enable her.

[ParisPaulette]

Jesus, send her out or just pack her bags and drive her to a motel, then tell her you've paid for a week and after that she's on her own. Tell her if she tries to come back you'll call the cops and report her for stalking you. Then you go home and change the fricking locks already. You are being a total doormat here. She thinks you're terrible? Great, stop paying her bills and show her out. She broke up with you, agree with her that you are indeed so terrible that she must never come near you again. And get her gone.

 

And next time do not let someone move in with you so quickly. She's using you and likely always was, which is a terrible thing to do. She's the terrible one here and your "niceness" in her eyes equates to "doormat I can wipe my feet all over." If you want to be nice, go be that to people at the homeless shelter or the nursing home or the no kill shelter who will appreciate it. She doesn't and it's just wasted. Plus yeah, she'll likely clean you out while you're gone.

 

Also change all credit cards and banking information too. You've been set up, sorry.