Waraqqa Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 My ex and I broke up this summer, because of his frequent tardiness (30, 40 mins or more), ditching me, or changing plans at the very last minute. Scheduling a date w him was near impossible and was a huge stress for me. After the break-up, we had some discussions and even fights. He accepted that he is how he is and he is too busy and stressed out with work to change, therefore cannot put effort into a meaningful relationship. Therefore, he then had idea of no strings attached. I rejected his idea, but unfortunately, too harshly and resentfully, which I then tried to "correct" by being too nice and looking stupid. Anyway, last week (when he was in his NSA mode), he profusely offered to hang out and have coffee and that he even would cook for me (which he never offered before even during dating). After the NSA fight, when I was trying to "smoothen" things as I was ashamed/regretful for my resentful outburst, I asked if his coffee/dinner suggestion was part of the NSA deal. He said it had nothing to do with NSA and confirmed that I can take him up on that suggestion. So, now the expectation is that I should let him know when I'm in his town to arrange smth like that. The thing is, he always suggested things (coffee, meeting, etc) but never actually bothered to make a plan, always saying "oh, that's up to you". but if I suggest a specific time, he's likely to say it's inconvenient or he's busy; or offer to come to his place on the outskirts of the city (too far for me). I'm not sure how to handle this. If that happens, should I just say "I see you are busy and don't want to pressure you"? or "Your enthusiasm for this is gone, so forget about it, as I don't have time to chase you"? I don't want to be emotional and fight again - I've done that TOO many times! But also I don't want to swallow it making it look like I am the one who needs to meet! It was his profuse idea, but I know he only said it b/c he was in that mood in that moment. Thanks for any input!
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Honestly, why are you putting in any effort into someone who did not value you or your time? Then he had the gall to suggest a NSA, and you're still making yourself available to him. UGH!!!! Haven't you learned from the past???? Stop being his doormat!
mhowe Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 He wants sex, so if you show up at his house at his convenience it can happen. I would grab a handle of self respect and lose his number.
HeartGoesOn Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Unfortunately you've decided to accept a single crumb, and demote yourself to being FWB's. I find it sad that someone would stoop to this level, and think so little of themselves. I would start raising my standards, and gaining back my self respect.
Dottieflanogon Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 He is using you. He wants a steady hook up, and also he wants to be able to hook up with whoever else comes around too. It's clear he doesn't want a relationship. Not just that, but he does not care about you as much as you do him. Get out of this unhealthy situation. In the end, you will probably be hurt even more so than he has already hurt you. Have self respect and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. its like he still wants you but at the sametime he is keeping his options open. tell him its over and that you both should move on. If he really cares he will want you back and actually have a real relationship with you. I wish you the best
SooSad33 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 "I don't have time to chase you"? I don't want to be emotional and fight again - I've done that TOO many times! " - This.... You already know what he's like. Don't keep going on with 'his life' and make yours worse some more! I feel you are more the type to want a proper relationship- of that he cannot give ( You know). So, why don';t you work at accepting this... heal and move on with your life?
James516 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 "My ex and I broke up this summer". That should be the beginning and end of your post, nothing after that. You broke up for a reason and that was the high note. Now move on.
itsallgrand Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Sometimes a situation does not allow to part on a high note. But you can always choose to leave on a note that preserves your dignity and sense of self worth.
Waraqqa Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 Unfortunately you've decided to accept a single crumb, and demote yourself to being FWB's. I find it sad that someone would stoop to this level, and think so little of themselves. I would start raising my standards, and gaining back my self respect. I didn't demote myself to FWB. I didn't agree to that. I acted stupid and doormaty/or hostile in other ways.
HeartGoesOn Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 If he doesn't want your heart, he doesn't deserve your body. Self respect can do wonders.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.