ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I've been having a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for the past few years. She lives in Russia and I live in Australia. She's a single mother and has a 7 year old daughter who I view as my own and want to eventually adopt her. Everything is great with my girlfriend and we hardly fight. A few days ago she randomly met a man who was renovating her house. They bonded over the 2 days and developed a friendship. He asked her out for dinner and then she said sorry I have a boyfriend, and told him all about me. He said "That's okay we can be friends" So she messaged me saying that she would like to be his friend and if i don't mind. Now I'm in no way a jealous person and give my girlfriend full autonomy. I trust her 110% and will never be suspicious. And say they had been friends before we met then I would also have no problem with this. It's just that I did not react well to this friendship and felt it was disrespectful that she would think it's okay to become friends with someone who was originally pursuing her. I also am very protective of her child and don't trust random strange men around her. Anyway I ended up telling my girlfriend to piss off and that I wasn't happy with her friendship with this guy. I'm upset that she would even have to ask if it is okay to be friends with someone who asked her out for dinner. Was I overreacting?
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Which one of you is moving and when? Because seriously, these cyber relationships are nothing but fantasy.
dave_1966 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Ranzi, I sense this is another fake post. If it isn't, you need to get out more. I hope you're not sending this woman money from Australia.
ParisPaulette Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Nope, you aren't overreacting. She's either totally clueless about the man's intentions or is actively looking to replace you. That said, the fact is if this is a cyber relationship and neither of you is going to move to be with the other one then it's sort of a moot point as to who does what. The relationship is based on fantasy if you've never met and she doesn't appear able to resist someone local over someone who isn't. And no, there is zero reason to be "friends" with any guy asking you out when you're in a relationship. I have a ton of male friends based on activities I do where they are involved. NOT with anyone I met who was just doing work on my car and definitely not with anyone who had hit on me first. I had a car mechanic ask me out and then try to argue we could be "friends" even though I was engaged to be married. I told him to p**s off and took my business elsewhere, because I had zero reason to be his friend, didn't need to be his friend, and could pretty much see through the ruse right out of the gate. Your girlfriend can too, she's just trying to play the "we're just friends" card. Nope.
greta96 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Have you ever met her in person? If not, you are not in a relationship and she is free to date and/or stay friends with whomever she chooses. Like someone else said above, hopefully you are not sending her money, are you? You do know there's a whole money making industry there, based on attractive Russian women using their charms to empty gullible dudes' pockets by doing nothing other than telling them what they want to hear, right? So if you're sending money for her and her daughter, stop it right now.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Hi all! Yes we have met many times in person. We travel back and forth. We are going to have a holiday in Bali with my family and hers in 2 weeks. She's not using me for money as she's a working a professional (works in finance) and makes more than me. It'a hard for her to leave her parents as she is also a carer for both. My health problems prevent me from living in really cold conditions. All I want to know is if I was overreacting about this certain situation. Thanks
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Can we please stop stereotyping Russian women. Thanks. My girlfriend has sent me money several times when I was unemployed and makes more money than me in finance.
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 You really have no right to tell her how to live.
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 She is n adult, a parent and living half a world away. She is capable of establishing boundaries without your supervison.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 So if your boyfriend wanted to be friends with a girl that asked him out then it's okay for you?
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I trust my boyfriend. I would never tell him who he can and cannot be friends with.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 I trust my boyfriend. I would never tell him who he can and cannot be friends with. And if you met his new friend who you know wants to be with him and waiting on the sideline while visualizing your breakup you would be okay with that too. How about if your boyfriend lived overseas?
boltnrun Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 And if you met his new friend who you know wants to be with him and waiting on the sideline while visualizing your breakup you would be okay with that too. How about if your boyfriend lived overseas? Did she tell you this guy is "visualizing your breakup"? I thought he'd just asked her out. How did it escalate to "visualizing your breakup"?
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 The guy did not know she was in a relationship. He asked, she declined. You have no idea what he is visualizing. I wouldn't "date" someone who lived in a different country. I like being able to live with my bf.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Despite all of our long distance obstacles we are moving to thailand in April. She's going to start an online financial services business. As for me I have some savings and might teach English. My gf's brother is going to take over responsibilities if looking after the parents. It's highly likely this is what he wants. I've had hundreds of male friends and understand the male mind.
boltnrun Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Despite all of our long distance obstacles we are moving to thailand in April. She's going to start an online financial services business. As for me I have some savings and might teach English. My gf's brother is going to take over responsibilities if looking after the parents. It's highly likely this is what he wants. I've had hundreds of male friends and understand the male mind. So every guy who asks a woman on a date and she responds that she is taken...starts "visualizing their breakup"??? Wow, so these hundreds of male friends of yours are all into the "insta-relationship" thingy, I guess.
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 You "might" work....this sounds promising. If you are moving to Thailand, what is your problem? He will have to visualize long distance.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 So every guy who asks a woman on a date and she responds that she is taken...starts "visualizing their breakup"??? Wow, so these hundreds of male friends of yours are all into the "insta-relationship" thingy, I guess. Boltnrun so you think that I should be cool about her being friends with someone who hit on her?
boltnrun Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Boltnrun so you think that I should be cool about her being friends with someone who hit on her? Did he actually hit on her? Or did he ask her out on a date? I had an issue at work a couple of years ago. A coworker politely asked me for my phone number. I politely told him I didn't think that was a good idea. I made the mistake of confiding in another coworker and that other coworker spread gossip that this man had "hit on" me. I angrily explained that he absolutely did NOT hit on me. Hitting on someone is something like "Hey baby...how about you and me break in your new mattress set? ". And unfortunately, the guy who'd asked for my number thought I'd been spreading lies about him, and never spoke to me again. I felt like a terrible person. Did your girlfriend indicate he had been inappropriate, sleazy or just plain gross when he asked her for a date? I personally wouldn't want to try to be "friends" with someone who'd indicated a romantic interest in me that I didn't return...but I wouldn't say the guy "hit on" me if all he'd done was ask for a date.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Did he actually hit on her? Or did he ask her out on a date? He told her that he thinks she's beautiful and would like to spend some more time with her getting to know her. Then asked her out for dinner.
ranzi Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Btw this has nothing to do with trust. I trust her 100%.. My gf is a very possessive and jealous person and once saw a friendly photo of me and some female friends at a party on fb and lost it.
boltnrun Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 He told her that he thinks she's beautiful and would like to spend some more time with her getting to know her. Then asked her out for dinner. That doesn't sound like "hitting on". But, I personally would not want to be friends with someone who asked me out.
itsallgrand Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Well, being angry with her and being far apart is only going to cause divide between you two. It's not like you can meet up for a date and talk it through, and make up. So it seems short sighted to me to create a wedge here and make this an issue with your lady. Do I get why it may make you uncomfortable? for sure. But you really have the choice of totally trusting her judgment or not. Being long distance, you have to trust her even more. Did she mention why she wants to become friends with this man? There is no friendship here yet. He was someone working on her house who took a liking to her and found her beautiful, and he wants to see more of her. His side is clear. So what is it she really wants from him? You know her better than us, we don't know her at all. But if I had to come up with some guesses, I would guess either she likes the attention or maybe she is a more shrewd kind of person who is thinking she has a worker here who she may want to use in the future for work on her home and keeping him in her favour would work to her advantage. I wouldn't assume any of that cause I don't know her!!! But that came to mind. It's not above some people. I have an aunt who keeps men who she knows likes her but she does not want to date with hopes of being in her life and in good graces because they do a lot of work for her. I personally find that wrong, but, it's not unheard of.
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