Cares for me but does not love me.

[halfajob]

Hi All Need a bit of advice.

 

Just split with my wife but not going to go into details but She wants to see how the mates thing pans out, I can't ignore her cause we have kids together but she says she cares for me but does not love me like you should a husband. Yes i have not treated her very well and I have apologised a thousands times. but has anyone had this happen to them and got backtogether and who are still togther.

 

if she still cares there must be some hope.

 

Some times I feel like giving up and just walking away and only being there for my girls but I am finding this so hard and I do not know what to do. She said we can be mates and do favours for each other and talk without any pressure of anything happening. but I want to be more than her friend I can only try and do this and if nothing happens then I can walk away.

[Clinton]

When a relationship reaches the stage where they say they care for you, but don't love you like a spouse, well that's basically the death knell for the relationship.

 

I'm sure someone somewhere can come up with an example where the couple reconciled, but it's rare.

 

For your kids sake, no matter how hard it is, you need to be civil. But you don't have to be friends. In fact it's impossible to be friends with your ex if you still have romantic feelings for them.

 

If it was me, I'd tell her that. That you can't be friends now and that unless it involves the kids well being, you need to be left alone.

 

It's up to you how much pain you can take if you want to wait around seeing if she changes her mind. But there's no shame in just giving up on that and healing yourself.

 

Be strong for your kids and best of luck.

[TMifune]

Yes i have not treated her very well and I have apologised a thousands times. but has anyone had this happen to them and got backtogether and who are still togther.

 

I can't promise you anything. There are no guarantees. Most of the time for women when they get to the point of taking an action their mind is already made up. For you, I'd say start being the man you think you should have been all along. Don't apologize, don't beg, don't make any promises you can't live up to and don't expect anything from her. Change. If you want any chance at all, then all those ways you didn't treat her well....they're gone. From this day forward start acting like the man you wish you had been all along. There is a small small chance that seeing a real change in you will encourage her to give you another chance, but even if it doesn't, it'll allow you to start building a life with fewer regrets.

[DoF]

You need time to heal, recover and get over her. You cannot do that while you are "mates" or "friends". Also, I never recommend any kind of relations with an Ex.

 

The only exception to this rule is being parents. Your communication should be limited to "kids only". Anything BUT that and you and her are sabotaging your healing and ANY future relationship. Think about it, would you date a woman that was "friends" with her ex?

 

Keep it kid only. ANYTHING but that and you reset your healing time. You are gonna have to be strong.

[SooSad33]

I agree. You cannot be 'friends' with an Ex. You';re broken up for reasons and she only cares for you as a friend... sorry

 

the best you can do now is be there for your children. No reason to have to interact with her for any other reason.

 

Now, you have to work on 'accepting the facts and healing'.

 

"Yes i have not treated her very well and I have apologised a thousands times."

- This is what you have to realize and focus on. So that you can work on this problem for your future.

A relationship takes work. it requires respect, communication, understanding, etc. Sadly, things have fallen apart for you two?

 

Sorry this has happened and I know you have your regrets. It is part of life & learning.

For now, take care of you.. work on you and take care of your kids.

 

One day at a time...

[Man with Dog]

You must accept that your marriage is past tense. She won't fall back "in love".