dio9366 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 It's been 3 months since my ex girlfriend and I broke up-or since she broke up with me, I should say—and I’m miserable. We all understand that breakups meant to be difficult and painful. They’re the inspiration for endless songs and movies. But as it turns out, heartbreak is a feeling you truly don’t know until it happens to you. We’ve heard that “love hurts,” but that’s just a romantic abstraction until you’ve actually spent weeks in your room suffering from insomnia. We imagine that the worst days will be the earliest days, that we will feel progressively better with time. That’s unfortunately not the case. There are good days and bad days. There are moments of total normality followed by sudden, intense waves of sadness that literally weaken the knees. And maybe I’m old to be experiencing my first true heartbreak,I just didn’t think it could be this bad. It now seems ridiculous, I relished the idea that I might be vaguely sociopathic, because at 28, I had yet to feel deep loss or sadness in connection to a romantic relationships. I’m desperately clinging to anyone who can identify with what I’m feeling. I’m a broken record. And while I appreciate my friends for being there for me, none of them has actually made me feel any better. Everyone essentially says the same thing: “ she's not worth it, It better than getting married with her and got divorced afterward .” It’s like: Thanks, guys. . . . I tried to date couple of girls that I met online, all of them pale in comparison with my ex, either they are too self-centered who just like to talk about themselves, or a childish one who is emotional unstable. After I dumped them all, all I felt is emptiness and emptiness. Sometimes I sat at a bar by myself, I just can't stop crying after I heard a sad song. i resisted my urge to have any contact with my ex after my break up, but yesterday I saw she actually has a new boyfriend, realized I could never get back to her again, the guilt I had about hurting her in the pass came back to me like a wave, the insane sinking feeling is coming back at me again. I can barely form a cohesive thought, which means working is basically impossible to me again. One of the things that’s surprised me most about this breakup: what I miss. I don’t so much miss the big, obvious things that one would assume would be the hardest to go without: sex, nights out at the movies. Instead, I obsessed over the smallest, like when we woke up together she said to me be sure to grab a breakfast, or after hang out, she asked me; be sure to miss me, I asked the same in return; she replied; I will always miss you! I missed her to came to my work to have lunch with me, regardless how little time we had to be on our way to work. I felt guilty about not wearing the yellow belt she gave it to me as a gift because I thought the color was ugly. One of the hardest things to get over, for me, has been accepting the fact that the breakup was largely my fault. When we argued, I either walked away or said hurtful things I didn't mean. I suppose these are all pretty standard flaws, but during a breakup you can’t help but relive every mistake you made along the way and wonder whether, if you’d just done one tiny thing differently, it could have all worked out. When someone loves you—and especially when you have the upper hand in the relationship, as I did for most of it—it becomes far too easy to take that love for granted. I think I got to a delusional point where I thought I could make mistake after mistake and that she would never leave me, because, “Duh, it’s me.” Shockingly, this was not the case. One of the hardest things about being dumped is realizing that the person who dumped you probably isn’t suffering as badly as you are. In fact, they might be happier without you, and worse, there might be someone better for them out in the world. That’s really what hurts the most: the prospect that they were right to move on, when for you, they felt like the one.
Astrogirl Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 So she dumped you three months ago and you think she's probably not hurting? I can only speak for myself and my own personal opinion but even if she's dumped you and you say you're slightly sociopathic I can tell you that she is probably hurting too. I split up with my ex for the exact same reason. Three months down the line I still hurt. None of us have made contact either. The pain will lessen eventually for both sides. Would you ever initiate contact? Please feel free to message me.
mhowe Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Time to search through the rubble and find some lessons. Break ups happen to everyone, but our own is always the most important. Friends and family will have sympathy, but it isn't a blanket offer to listen forever. Life goes on. Contrary to popular opinion, MOST people do not say hurtful thing when fighting. Taking someone's love for granted will ALWAYS leave you standing alone in the end. Life goes on. It wasn't a lot of the little things you did or didn't do. It was the big things.
Bridger1 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I hear you brother.. going thru the same thing... having been through this before.. i know i will go on and it will get better... but that is not say im not in unimaginable pain right now.. and feel so alone... it sucks...
SooSad33 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 It's only been 3 months... healing from a break up takes time. YOu are dealing with a 'loss'. And these 'feelings' you have for her will not disapear in a week. Your emotions... heartache, confusion, all those pains are normal, after a loss. It's a part of 'grieving'. I suggest you do NOT consider dating again for a while yet. At this time you have nothing to give. You're an emotional wreck.. right? Dating will not make anything better. Take a good few months alone.. on you own to work on yourself and improve again. As I see it, Life is an 'experience'.. unfortunately, not all good But, we live and we learn. And.. we move on. Give it time.. you're still in mourning. ( If you find anxiety too much for you.. maybe you can seek some prof help.. or talk to your doctor about something to help you along?) One day at a time...tc
ss135 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Hey man, I definitely get where you're coming from. I was left four months ago and I don't feel any better either. In fact, I feel worse everyday. I haven't had a single second of happiness since she left and I don't see that changing soon. I've done all the recommended stuff, like eating better, working out, meeting new people, and it's all so empty. I've accomplished a lot in a short period of time and have gained what feels like nothing out of it, if I don't have anyone to share in my success whats even the point. I have tried to stay positive, but after months of intense constant pain I'm getting worn down. I wish I could tell you it'll get better but if you're anything like me, which seems the case from your post, you're in for a very long time of misery. I agree that the hardest part is that she most likely isn't having a very hard time with moving on when you're stuck longing for her. I am pretty positive my ex thinks about me about as much as she did before we met, and even if she does I doubt it's anything other than elation to be rid of me. Something about your post struck a chord with me and if you'd like to talk feel free to send me a private message.
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