Between wanting him back and moving on

[CrisMm]

My significant other & I were together for 4 & half years, engaged & lived together for 2years. We were supposed to have our wedding on summer of 2016. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago & I've done everything I could, opposite to no contact. I had begged, cried, chased after him...basically lost my dignity in wanting him back. A nasty breakup.

 

We had a great relationship, envied by a lot of people up to the time he broke up with me which a lot of people on my side still don't know about. It's shocking to a lot of people that found out. He started his business almost 2 years ago & there was a lot of ups & downs since. I was there for him supporting him yet I demanded for a lot of his time & attention. I work 2 jobs plus my makeup freelancing & every free time I had was devoted to him while I felt like I was just a second option to everything, I had to beg for his time. He worked a lot, stayed at his warehouse past midnight till 3am, sometimes because he was drinking with his workers. At times, he wouldn't even come home. I started being insecure & he said I was controlling him. There was a lot of red flags that brought us to this point. I have a lot shortcomings, too and I wished I was able to fix them before it happened. He was an amazing guy but we both somehow took advantage of our presence. He'd done a lot of great thing for me.

 

Last month, one of his friend's relative came down from Australia & he started hanging out with her & some friends, then started alone time with her while we had a big argument. He chose to entertain the guest rather than fix our problem. It made me crazy, started phone terrorizing him & the girl, blew up their phones with phone calls & text messages. It hurt me a lot that he chose to not fix what we had but gave all of his time to this guest. He said he'd never cheated on me. But when the relationship ended, on that same day, he'd gotten closer with her, physically. He basically gave up on us while I was there trying to fight for our relationship.

 

It broke my heart & and even after everything I still want him back. The girl left about 2 weeks ago, I've texted/called him almost everyday for the first 2 weeks. I was able to stop contacting him for a few days then I missed him & back on it again. He wants nothing to do with me anymore, he's very much into that new girl from another country. They talk everyday and he bought his ticket to spend the holiday with her in Australia.

 

I'm really devastated, broken in pieces. He was the man I wished for to spend the rest of my life with & I didn't see this breakup coming at all. So shocked and hurt. He said he will always love me but he's just not in love with me anymore. How can he let go so fast? How can he give up on us when he just said "you're my pride and joy" just few days before the breakup.

 

I want to move on with my own life but I still want him back at the same time despite of everything. Every time I decide to go on NC, I always end up breaking it. I miss everything about him and our relationship we had. I still hope for a second chance but everyone tells me I deserve so much better. I gave him my all & loved him unconditionally. 😢

[JustWishing]

I am sorry to hear that happened to you, but you know yourself, that you pretty much did everything wrong you could have done wrong in the end. Please go NC and stay no contact. It will be so much better for you. The longer you can do this the better you will feel. I promise. Be strong!

[melancholy123]

I assume you understand that you blew it by being so annoying to him and a big pain in the butt when he was trying to get his business started. That really turns people off when that happens to them. So you basically chased him away by being relentless. If you can learn from this sad experience then all is not lost and hopefully you won't do that again.

 

I know how hard it is to get a business going and the long hours it takes to try to make it a success. When we started our own business my husband put in a ton of hours and I was home with two young kids. It got lonely, for sure, but I didn't pester him about it because I knew he was doing it for us. Ultimately the business grew like mad and 20 yrs later it's still a big success. Patience and understanding is so necessary when a person is working hard for their (and your) future.

 

Go NC and stay NC.

[overthemoon86]

So sorry you are going through this, breakups really suck and it stings even more with an engagement in the mix. I have to say though that circumstances and your actions caused your relationship to deteriorate. He spending so much time at work triggered your insecurities and you acted upon those instead of communicating your feelings like an adult. Unfortunately when someone feels cornered they tend to run. And that's what he did. I think you need to let this one go and learn your lesson. "Fighting" will not do you any good and drive him away further.

[SooSad33]

So sorry to hear of your pains... break ups are awful

This will take some time to work on accepting & healing over.

 

"They talk everyday and he bought his ticket to spend the holiday with her in Australia. "

- This is kinda crazy. I think he is moving on a little too quickly.

 

it could be some sort of 'thrill' he is seeking with this other girl? Could be Gigs.. who knows?

 

But.. you did mention how he seemed to be taking advantage of your relationship though, in the end? Hardly ever around, etc?

 

Sadly, in the end we don't 'see' them distancing themselves from us. We often feel totally blown away when it happens.

You will feel so alone, lost, confused, etc for a while... but, in time you wil learn to accept WHY things didn't work.

 

Take things one day at a time... cry it out.. write your feelings down.. and do take care of yourself.

 

Eventually, I'm sure you will become more angry than hurt and not want to have him exist in your life as you come to realize you deserve someone better than this.

[CrisMm]

@JustWishing

Thank you. I'm finally starting to realize my mistakes. I'm embarrassed but I can't take anything back now, it's a learning process. I gave him my final "set you free" last night and I hope to never break the chain only to set myself back again. I told him that I wish him happiness. It is really hard for me to let him go but no matter what I do now won't bring him back to me, I'm only prolonging my healing time and giving him the satisfaction of knowing that I'm always gonna be there for him. I need to focus on my future now.

 

Appreciate your time.

[CrisMm]

@melancholy123

Thank you for your time. There's so much to learn from this experience and I believe that everything happened for a reason. It hit me rock bottom to finally see what I had in front of me.

 

When he started the business, I was always there for him. I barely have a day off, no weekends for us because it's dedicated to his business & I work too. Whenever I had the chance to have a day off, even if it meant being there working with him just to have that time together, I was always happy to being with him, helping him with hard labor. It had gotten out of hand when a lot of times, he would stay back at his warehouse to only drink with workers 3-4 times a week. At the end of the night, I just want to be able to spend time with him as well when we haven't seen each other the whole day.

 

It was really tough, I understood that business is where your future depends on at times. We had several talks about the drinking habits and coming home late...there was just no balance.

 

I am committing myself to NC, still hoping for a second chance. However, I am going NC to heal my broken heart and in hope to improve myself...to have the self-esteem and self-worth back.

[tattoobunnie]

The fact that we wouldn't come home - no sweetie, he made you insecure and crazy. He did not treat you like a priority. I run three companies, work in non-profits, and my family comes first. You will never catch me drinking till 3 in the morning with my warehouse staff! Or even any night.

 

I am happy that you did not marry him. If a man makes you cry tears of sadness and fustration, he is not worth another minute of your time. He's someone else's problem now.

 

I know you don't see it now, but it'll work out with a man who will make you feel number one, and not make you worry.