TheUMan Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 So basically. Me and my ex had been dating for over two years. Basically. First year we've been dating on and off. Breaking up for whatever reasons. Etc. second year we called each other friends. Yet did everything we would do if we were dating. Sex. Closeness. Emotions. Etc. So basically what happened was it started feeling like I was there for comfort. And she eventually wanted to date other people. She kept calling me her friend and hoped I understand and gave her to "Ok". I basically said I respect her decision. But don't want to be around for comfort. This blew up into a fight about how could I not think of her as a friend. Or accuse her of using her for that. So we stopped talking for a few days. I texted her stating that although we shouldn't go back to how we were, I wanted to clear the air and make things okay between us. Not keep in constant contact. But text every here and there. You know, good natured etc. I was planning on going NC and seeing how things were in a month or so. I still have feelings for her. But didn't want to be in that situation. So wanted to wait a month or two. Improve. And then see if I wanted to let her go or try to bite again. She agreed that we should stay cool but not be in constant contact. All was well. Yesterday night however, she texted me stating that she didn't clearly read my text and misconstrued it. I believe she clearly read it properly because it was pretty clear. And she agreed...... Is she trying to push my buttons because I reacted calmly? I reacted to her stating that reconciliation in any form has to work both ways and that I'm willing too but can't help if she isn't. I left it there. What was she trying to convey? She's used to me going to her to reconcile. I have not. And I haven't texted her. Should I go NC for a month or two? And any idea why she would blatantly change her mind (if you think she has?) Not sure f she's dating anyone. She said she was going too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 What is it with the "basically"? You guys aren't a couple --- I don't even think you are friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 "What is it with the "basically?" I was wondering that, too. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 She doesn't want anything with you. Basically, she doesn't value you. If you have broken up more than twice, it will not work. She does not want anything more that a FWB. If you have feeling, go NC, and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUMan Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 lmao. I thought of it as a point to point Segway. >> But to clear things up. We clearly had feelings for each other. But after going back and forth for a year. We decided to stay friends. The confusing part is we would hook up every other week. Then remind ourselves that we're friends. It started to feel like she was doing this for comfort. She then told me that she wanted to go out there and try dating someone. I said I want her to be happy. But want to not be there. Because what we've been doing is unhealthy. And that we weren't really friends. This pissed her off because she somehow really thought we were friends...... So, I want to get back with her. Not as "friends", but want to know what's going on with her in her head. Because I sure can't figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUMan Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I'm heavily leaning toward continuing NC. Was just overthinking and decided to get an outside opinion. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 You need to focus on her actions. They say it all. Don't sacrifice your wants and needs for another. Find a partner, who is on the same page. This one is a waste of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah --- this is simply f**k buddies. There is a mutual "using each other for sex" going on and it is really, really unhealthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 You've been no more than friends for a better part of a year. In your explanation you seem to understand this. Though through actions you may have assumed otherwise? ("Yet did everything we would do if we were dating. Sex. Closeness. Emotions. Etc") You were upset and disappointed to find out the two of you were not on the same page. Understandable, but it's never good to assume things. So now you are trying to get to the bottom of things through texting? Seeing that this has been a misunderstanding all along why would now try to decode what she means by a cryptic text? I seriously doubt someone will develop feelings for another after demoting a romantic relationship to friendship. Add in all the misunderstandings and I would safely say this ship has sailed. NC is for you. NC is not used to deny someone something in hopes they want it back again. You weren't able to land this relationship when you were friends. NC won't work while you two aren't even speaking. At the very least have a con-ver-sa-tion with her. My guess is she is likely throw out bread crumbs to keep you hooked. After all you've been her back up or friend for a year. But if it's a true solid romantic relationship you are seeking, then you need to be looking for true, solid actions and words to back it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUMan Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah. It was my fault for believing it can be something more, I guess. Maybe I got too comfortable too. I can't blame her for wanting more. And can't blame myself for not being okay with it. I guess I knew the answer. Just feels better to write it out. Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 sorry UMan. . there's someone out there for you. Be careful investing in something with little or no return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheUMan Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I didn't want to believe it. But I guess she started using me for comfort. I guess I always wanted to get back to being in a relationship. And in a way. Used her for the comfort of being in one. I definitely understand the point of NC. And will be going into it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care. Or it didn't bother me that I basically felt used. And I still do wish we could reconcile and work things out. Hopefully that dissipates by NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 lmao. I thought of it as a point to point Segway. >> But to clear things up. We clearly had feelings for each other. But after going back and forth for a year. We decided to stay friends. The confusing part is we would hook up every other week. Then remind ourselves that we're friends. It started to feel like she was doing this for comfort. She then told me that she wanted to go out there and try dating someone. I said I want her to be happy. But want to not be there. Because what we've been doing is unhealthy. And that we weren't really friends. This pissed her off because she somehow really thought we were friends...... So, I want to get back with her. Not as "friends", but want to know what's going on with her in her head. Because I sure can't figure it out. So you want to persuit a relationship with a girl that does not want you and wants to go bang other dudes. You tell me how smart that is. I would suggest you stay as far away from this girl as possible. And no, there is no friendship. Get over it and put your feelings a side. They are completely irrelevant right now. HER feelings and most importantly ACTIONS is what's relevant. And her feelings are NONE, and her actions are quite opposite of "someone interested in you". Yet here you are, still trying to even consider this person. No contact, ignore/block her and get her completely out of your life, so that you can START the healing process and recover after this relationship. Give it 3-6 months, no opposite sex contact = the only answer here. You need to focus and work on YOURSELF buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 "So basically what happened was it started feeling like I was there for comfort. And she eventually wanted to date other people." - You two broke up after an on/off relationship ( Unstable). She now wants to date other people. Don't stick around to be her 'emotional pillow'. Remove yourself from her life and work on your own. Btw.. you can NOT be 'friends' with an Ex.. not until those ;feelings; are gone. So.. back off now. Give her nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.