missy1114 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I recently met a 24-yo med school student from an online dating app and we've gone on 3 dates so far over the past 3 weeks. The dates were fun and he was really nice and respectful towards me. Did not seem to bring up sex early on, which is a good sign. We've only kissed so far. I'm starting to become attracted to him. However, there are a few signs that bother me and I don't know if I want to continue seeing him. Can you tell me if it all sounds normal and I'm just overreacting? Or are they signs that I should move on? a. He doesn't really text me between the dates. He only texts to ask me out and plan the logistics of the dates. Mostly, he would ask me what I want to do instead of planning thought-out dates. I'm used to guys keeping in touch with me between dates. When I try initiating a text convo with him, he often replies right away but doesn't keep it going. On the last date, I asked him if he's just not a texter and he said he is. He just tends to keep his phone on silent a lot. I didn't directly ask why he hasn't been initiating contacts between dates. b. On the last date, I asked him what he's looking for in general and he said he wants someone to go out and have fun with. He doesn't know if he wants a relationship out of it. I'm a busy student as well and I'm okay with dating casually and getting to know this guy. However, I don't want to waste time with someone if there's no potential of it going anywhere. c. We ran into one of his classmates on a date and he did not introduce me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 A. That is what texting is for...to set up dates. Not to pass the time. B. He is looking for casual dating and fun. He is a med student. I am surprised he has time to even date. C. You aren't his gf, you are his date. After 3 dates, while it was rude to not even introduce you by name, it is way too early to bring friends in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clinton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Well,he said he wants casual so I'd take him at his word. Casual to me at least, doesn't involve hours of texting or talking. It's getting together once in a while to enjoy a night out. If that's not what you want, move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 b. On the last date, I asked him what he's looking for in general and he said he wants someone to go out and have fun with. He doesn't know if he wants a relationship out of it. I'm a busy student as well and I'm okay with dating casually and getting to know this guy. However, I don't want to waste time with someone if there's no potential of it going anywhere. If you met him on Tinder, then I suggest you stop seeing him or at the very least keep looking and keep your options open because: . He has clearly told you that "he doesn't know if he wants a relationship out of it." Anyone who doesn't have an end dating goal to actually be in a relationship (not necessarily with you, but at least with someone) then they are not someone you should be allowing your heart on your sleeve for. Bottom line: Yellow to light red flag of warning. Take things slow and see how long it takes him to contact you. Let him do some chasing and see where his value for you lays. Do you know if he's dating others as well as you? \ Adding: Tinder is basically a hook-up site. O.o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missy1114 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's not Tinder. From our convo, it seems like he's not looking for just a hook-up. He said he used to have a Tinder account for a few weeks and did not like the people on there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Okay then but the rest of my post is still valid. Just some things to think about as you go forth. Don't have sex with him until he says he IS SURE he wants a relationship out of it or I fear you will shred your own heart if after you have, he still is saying that he's not sure he wants a relationship out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Is he pre-med in college...or in med school? Because after med school comes residency and if it seems like he doesn't have a lot of free time now, residency gets 10x worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missy1114 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 He's in his 1st year of med school. He asked me what I'm looking for and I said I don't usually date just to date. I'd like to be in a relationship. However, I usually take the time to get to know someone early on and not rush into things. He said he completely respects that and will see how things progress. Idk if that means he's open to it leading to a serious relationship or is he just saying that to be agreeable. Either way, do you think I should continue seeing him for a little while and see or call it off before I get too emotionally invested? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Id say keep your emotions in check and continue dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 1. is not a red flag, you guys just met so there is no need for too much texting in between dates. I think texting all the time before you establish a relationship and get to know someone is overkill, because it's only so much "so how has your day been?" one can do before things get boring and lose their appeal. Small talk doesn't belong in a very new dating situation, as far as I'm concerned. 2. He's told you what he's looking for, and was honest about it, which is a good thing. It's up to you now to decide whether you want to keep seeing him casually, or call it a day and try meeting someone who wants the same things you want (a relationship). As long as you take it for what it is and don't hope things would change if you stick around, you won't be disappointed. If I were you, I wouldn't have sex with him unless you're ok with meaningless casual sex. If he asks for sex, you can tell him straight up that "getting to know one another" doesn't mean sexually, and that you only give your body to those who know exactly what they want, and they want it with you. Sure, you can keep hanging out with him and having fun, but you need to make it clear that fun doesn't involve sex. If you do cross that boundary, you will be placed in the f*ck buddy category, and that's a place very difficult to get out of (actually, impossible). This is entirely your decision, I just want to stress the fact that you shouldn't hope he will change his mind; take what he told you at face value and act accordingly. 3. No big deal. You're not his girlfriend, and you two just met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Med school comes first, just keep that in mind. I would keep seeing him and agree there is no need at this point to keep in touch between dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallydoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 He may have been a texter before med school...he might not be now. Or he might reserve his time for people he's closer with. I wouldn't write him off just because he only texts you regarding dates, especially so early on. You don't want to waste all your conversation on texting and create a false sense of intimacy. He has also said that he probably doesn't want a relationship. If you're okay dating and having fun with this guy, that's up to you and you can take it date-by-date and break it off if you feel like you're getting off of the same page. Regarding the classmate, that's fairly normal after 3 dates, especially if he's looking to keep it casual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 You are busy and want to just casually date but you want him to act like it is more serious than it is. He has been pretty open and honest with you so far which is rare in dating these days. I don't see any yellow or red flags other than he isn't good at planning dates. If you want casual dating then he seems perfect, if you want a more serious relationship then you need to date men that know that is what they want. It sounds like you want it both ways which isn't fair to you or him. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulTaker Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 He said he completely respects that and will see how things progress. Idk if that means he's open to it leading to a serious relationship or is he just saying that to be agreeable. It means absolutely nothing, outside of the fact that he wants to see you again (with no future strings attached). If you want to continue seeing him in order to see if there's a future, then forget it. If it's just to hangout and have fun with no future commitment, then go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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