tmp100819 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Hi all, so my girlfriend of 8 months (we dated on and off for two years prior, she wasn't ready for a relationship etc) broke up with me about 2 months ago, we'd been in touch until about a week ago and I'd been fighting to try and get things back on track, however when it looked like we might be making headway, she went on holiday with her mum and sister for a few days, came back and called things quits for good. She had a problem with the fact that I hadn't made an effort to introduce her to my friends/family for one, I didn't raise problems/issues with her and that I wasn't invested enough in the relationship when she talked of calling things off. The meeting friends and family is a fair point in all honesty, however she works such long, stressful days at work, we don't get weekend's together due to her work schedule, she would break down to me on a daily basis about her job and it would honestly dominate our time together, so from my stand point there really wasn't ample opportunity. In terms of not raising issues with her, whenever I would try (and I've made this clear to her) she would shoot me down and guilt me for raising issues, apparently she was a "strong character that can argue for hours" and it was a fault of mine that I didn't stand up and argue with her more, not to mention the stress of her job making it increasingly difficult to broach anything. Sad as it is, and I probably should have said something to her about this, is I used to actually get nervous at the prospect of calling her sometimes, knowing she could be on the edge of a breakdown. She really did change as a person once she took on more responsibility at work. She couldn't understand why I'd stick around for 2 years until she was ready for something serious, then not follow through and take the next steps in the relationship, I myself was puzzled too but after some time and space to reflect on the situation I think I've kind of gained some clarity on it all. When she told me she wanted to end things I was seemingly unphased to be honest, she wanted time and space and I just gave it without putting up a fight - she said instead she wanted me to be begging and pleading with her, which to me shows that actually I wasn't that happy otherwise I probably wouldn't have just taken her decision lying down. The thing is though, I love this girl so so much. I really do think that she's my soulmate and we're perfect for one another and if we could just work through these problems we could be so much happier and healthier for it. I was never truly upfront with her about the stress her job put on me and the relationship. Having to be there to support her when she's breaking down before my eyes was very difficult and did make me question the longevity of us, I feel like I need to unload all of this even if it's just for my own piece of mind. She needs to leave that job for the good of her sanity if nothing else. I understand that this is a mammoth essay and I've rambled on and on, but any thoughts are most welcome. Much appreciated, thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp100819 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Friend said he's just noticed her back on the dating site we met on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James516 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 You spent the majority of this post saying everything that is wrong with her, or the relationship, almost sounding like you were her personal therapist at some points. This post seems more like a debate with yourself of how, despite everything that was wrong, the relationship should have continued. This one clearly shouldn't. And it is more than you just not being ready for it at the time. Just because time was put in a relationship doesn't mean it is a right relationship. Sometimes when people get caught up in a partner's issues, they fall in love more with the idea of rescuing the problems rather than being in a healthy, equal relationship. Although easy to say, but difficult to do, it is time for you to move on. She has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 This lady seems like trouble. Overworked, drama filled, complains a lot, expects commitment WHILE in a honeymoon phase (that's just crazy)..... I would say, you dodged a bullet and should be thankful she broke up with you. And then you need to re evaluate yourself and figure out why in the world YOU didn't break up with her. She does NOT sound like a good Long Term Relationship material AT ALL. You are also thinking with your heart....stop that, use your brain. Heart will lead you (clearly IS leading you) in the wrong direction. Heal and get over her. Find a woman that is good quiality LTR material. This lady is NOT it. And in order to heal you will need to cut her off completely. No contact at all. Ignore/block her and put her where she belongs, in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I was never truly upfront with her about the stress her job put on me and the relationship. Having to be there to support her when she's breaking down before my eyes was very difficult and did make me question the longevity of us, This woman steamrolled you for two years and you just laid down. Then, in breaking up with you --- you were supposed to fight? You don't know how to voice an opinion --- you aren't capable of "fighting" for something. I would work on your passive nature and try and find your voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Sadly, we can only do so much. Sounds like you took a LOT of stress from her end. Is she maybe a little too needy/demanding? "she wanted time and space and I just gave it without putting up a fight - she said instead she wanted me to be begging and pleading with her, which to me shows that actually I wasn't that happy otherwise I probably wouldn't have just taken her decision lying down." "I was never truly upfront with her about the stress her job put on me and the relationship. Having to be there to support her when she's breaking down before my eyes was very difficult and did make me question the longevity of us, I feel like I need to unload all of this even if it's just for my own piece of mind. She needs to leave that job for the good of her sanity if nothing else." - this stuff I've highlighted shows communication needs to be in order. Especially IF you do want to work things out. You two need to be honest with each other and be able to talk things out. Are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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