marriedinva Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I have been friends with a woman for 10 years, she and I chat off and on but have not seen each other for the past 5 years. We are both married and both our us know each others spouses. Short of the story is that she was in town the other night. We decided to meet up for dinner and told our respective spouses we were planning to meet. After dinner I got some dessert to bring home to my wife, but was greeted coldly and asked if i payed for dinner. My friend is in college and broke so I did and I told my wife such. She retorted "Oh I didnt know it was a date" and stormed off. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coldarmy13 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you told her your friend was broke, and she knew that your friend was married as well.. there shouldn't be a problem. At all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 She is married. She should have paid for her own dinner. Still sleeping in the dog house? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coldarmy13 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 She is married. She should have paid for her own dinner. Still sleeping in the dog house? I agree she should have, but if she made it known beforehand, is it so bad he paid? I think of it as if a buddy of mine didn't have much money picking up the tab. IDK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you can't afford to meet for dinne, then meet for coffee. It was completely inappropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepingdonut Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Well, if paying for dinner equals date, then I've had a lot of dates with my guy friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 ** Edited after thinking about it ** I thought about it and I really wouldn't be a fan of someone paying for my girlfriend. In fact, when she went home for the holidays as a broke vet student, I knew she'd want to catch up with old friends for lunch or a drink and I gave her money so that she wouldn't have to worry about it. I did ask that when she went to catch up with an ex (a childhood friend of hers), she insist on paying for herself. Also, I was actually in the same position when I caught up with a friend last summer. Her and I both have SOs, but we each paid for our own drinks. Only time I've ever paid for a taken woman is when her boyfriend was the DD and spotted me a drink, and I paid for her (in front of him) so that he wouldn't have to, thanking him as I did it. Catching up over a three-course dinner is kinda datey enough as it is, let alone paying. While I don't think it's a terrible thing to spot a friend, male or female, I'd apologize for not considering the circumstances Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Technically if it wasn't a date for you it wasn't a date. Keep-your-marriage-ally, if your wife thinks it was a date it was a date. Apologize for your naivete, stressing that you didn't see it as a date at all, and show her you understand her position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clinton Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Paying for dinner equals date only if you expect sex afterwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 We decided to meet up for dinner and told our respective spouses we were planning to meet. I find it odd that she decided to meet you for dinner, while knowing full well she was broke. With that said, I can certainly see your wife's point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Any reason the spouses weren't invited? I mean, when my male friends or my husband's female friends are in town we all get together or better still, invite them over for dinner. My guess is your wife was already upset you just said, "I'm going" without inviting her along. And it all may have been innocent, but leaving your wife at home to have dinner, that you pay for, with another woman is indeed crossing into date territory even if you didn't intend that. Full disclosure from the get-go, "Hey, honey do you want to go to dinner with Friend and I? She's in town. Word of warning, I will be picking up the tab since she's kinda broke, we cool?" And you do that before. Right now as it is you've probably muddied those waters for good. Sorry. And I agree if a friend is broke, why meet for dinner? Why didn't she get invited to your house, so you and your wife could feed her there? Oh let's face it, this just looks really, really bad. Are you sure it was all as innocent as you make it out to be? I mean, I wouldn't have a fit if my husband did this with his best female friend, but that's because she and I go out to dinner all the time too, either by ourselves and the spouses are always invited along and often do come along. Of course, my husband/mine female friend is the one usually picking up the tab, because she's massively successful in what she does and likes to spoil her friends... Even so if she moved out of town, was gone for a say a year, came into town and my husband said, "Well, Friend and I are having dinner," and I wasn't invited, yeah there'd probably be some hell to pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I really don't think it's that terrible. Evidently this is a once in five year occurrence. She came in, they had dinner, he came back home that night with dessert for his wife. I fully agree that he should have been a lot more sensible with paying, and I'm personally not convinced he was just being nice and paying for someone who's broke. She's a married woman who's visiting from out of town. I'm sure she could afford her half of the bill. Whether or not there was some semblance of romance behind it, I think OP was trying to be the "gentleman" and pay for the woman when he should have been cognisant of the fact she already has a man who can chip in on her behalf if she so chooses. That said, I think this is fixable. Tell your wife that you see her rarely made a bad decision trying to treat her as a friend who isn't doing as hot financially when you should have been thinking about acting as a married friend first and friend to her second. Like I said, it was a one-off thing and you came home the same night with your sobriety in tact and I'm assuming no lipstick on your collar. Admit you should have been much more sensible to your feelings and it will never happen again and I think this will blow over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 OP did you do this because of your wife's friend and situation..how is that situation anyways? last week you were still talking about your wife and her friend acting shady? I feel like the question your wife asked goes deeper about paying, like there is something else that you arent telling us ..why would she just outright asked if you paid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marriedinva Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 She didnt tell me she was broke, but had to leave in a hurry to make it to class so I just payed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 She didnt tell me she was broke, but had to leave in a hurry to make it to class so I just payed. I don't see how that stops her from throwing some cash on the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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