lmasterz Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I have been talking to this girl for almost 3 month now. We went out on numerous dates in July. I also left in July because of work and will be back within a month. Since then we've been talking every other day over the phone. You can tell there is chemistry and what not. Last night I told her I would want to step it up a notch. She caught me off guard - she told me that a week before we started talking (in July), she broke off a relationship, and she doesn't feel ready to go onto the next one. I asked so why didn't you tell me initially, and that you kind of mislead me. Her excuse was she didn't know me well enough to tell me. And that she tried to hint it but failed. She also apologized numerous times and admitted her mistake. Long story short, we didn't come to a conclusion as in where to go from here. I like the girl, she likes me too. She still wants to keep talking. Yet she doesn't feel ready to jump into another relationship. She doesn't know how much time she needs, maybe a week, maybe a month. She doesn't know. Now I am not sure if I want to continue if she has any emotional baggage (don't know if she does), or if she's preoccupied thinking about her x. I didn't ask about her previous relationship details just because I feel sometimes ignorance is bliss (knowledge is pain). Do we still talk and see where it leads? Should we stop talking, period? Should we talk once in a while? I am perplexed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appies Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 you're right, if she is preoccupied you will always have the emotional baggage. I would just move on, if she wants you she can contact you. But I fear you may be just helping her get over her ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I wouldn't keep dating her and risk getting more emotionally involved when she's not ready for a relationship. I'd break on friendly terms and tell her when she feels ready to be in a serious relationship, and if you're both still single and interested, you can give it a shot then, and leave it at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmasterz Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 .... I would just move on, if she wants you she can contact you. But I fear you may be just helping her get over her ex. She can contact me, and she probably will. But do I follow through? Yes I fear that too. I do not want to be a side guy or rebound kind of thing. No one wants that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmasterz Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 I wouldn't keep dating her and risk getting more emotionally involved when she's not ready for a relationship. I'd break on friendly terms and tell her when she feels ready to be in a serious relationship, and if you're both still single and interested, you can give it a shot then, and leave it at that. Somewhat agree. And yes, thankfully, I'm not too emotionally involved. But funny thing is, I feel like I want her more now (because she's not ready). Reverse psychology crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 She's giving you excuses. "I'm not ready and I don't know how long it will take' after 3 months of knowing you is code for 'I'm not that into you'. I would move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmasterz Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 She's giving you excuses. "I'm not ready and I don't know how long it will take' after 3 months of knowing you is code for 'I'm not that into you'. I would move on. She's been flirting and calling/texting for the past 3 month, let alone going out numerous dates. Why would she if she's "not that into me" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 She's been flirting and calling/texting for the past 3 month, let alone going out numerous dates. Why would she if she's "not that into me" ? Because she's flattered/bored/likes flirting..you choose. But interested in something more...she's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I would walk away. You're just going to be frustrated. When she's ready and if she still thinks of you, you'll hear from her. For now let her go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James516 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 If you continue talking to her in this situation, be prepared for the invetible "you have been such a friend to me, I don't want to ever ruin that by dating." Good move not talking about the ex, that is dating death by instant friendship. However, she is calling the shots too much right now, you need to bring balance. I would suggest that you take her at her word, it is reasonable that she isn't ready yet. But you have to walk the fine line to stay out of the friend zone. So it would be best to pull back, date others which may jar her out of this comfort zone. If you haven't found someone in a few months time, you two may be ready to return to dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmasterz Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you continue talking to her in this situation, be prepared for the invetible "you have been such a friend to me, I don't want to ever ruin that by dating." Good move not talking about the ex, that is dating death by instant friendship. However, she is calling the shots too much right now, you need to bring balance. I would suggest that you take her at her word, it is reasonable that she isn't ready yet. But you have to walk the fine line to stay out of the friend zone. So it would be best to pull back, date others which may jar her out of this comfort zone. If you haven't found someone in a few months time, you two may be ready to return to dating. Agreed. Some valid points. Thanks for the input Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmasterz Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 This an update. I haven't spoken to her (we'll call her Kat) in months, and I was better off. Her close friend which is a mutual friend (we'll call her Dudu) approached me a week ago and asked if there's any beef between us. I said there wasn't, but I don't want to waste my time or hers if this isn't going anywhere. Kat's birthday was last Wednesday, so Dudu asked me to call Kat as she is still interested and single. I wanted to send a one-line message instead, to keep it simple. Long story short, I ended up calling to wish her a happy bday. We spoke for an hour, catching up etc. I enjoyed speaking with her. Next day (Thursday), I messaged her a bit back and forth to keep the ball rolling. Since then there hasn't been any interaction. I don't like the fact the I called because it now it kind of re-sparked things and made me start to reattach, but she's not initiating anything, which I hate, yet her friend said she is still interested. What should my next step be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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