wai Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I got into a serious relationship recently, one of my ex-es and this one guy that i dated for a little bit stopped talking to me. We ended it on good terms and agreed to remain friends. They were still saying hi and stuff until recently. I can't help but think why. I have no romantic feelings towards them, and I don't have to avoid them. But why are they avoiding me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Because you have a boyfriend. And they don't want him to think they still care about you. It is a fallacy that you get to pull ex's and guys you've dated and dumped around behind you in a little red wagon for the rest of your life. They will be around when you are single ---- but will fade into the background when you are coupled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Because you have a boyfriend. And they don't want him to think they still care about you. It is a fallacy that you get to pull ex's and guys you've dated and dumped around behind you in a little red wagon for the rest of your life. They will be around when you are single ---- but will fade into the background when you are coupled. hmm.. ok! I'm just trying to understand why guys do what they do. I'm happy with my boyfriend and I don't see us breaking up. We both want the same thing and love each other. The fact that they stopped talking all of a sudden makes me feel like I did something to hurt them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siegfri333 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I got into a serious relationship recently, one of my ex-es and this one guy that i dated for a little bit stopped talking to me. We ended it on good terms and agreed to remain friends. They were still saying hi and stuff until recently. I can't help but think why. I have no romantic feelings towards them, and I don't have to avoid them. But why are they avoiding me? They only consider your "relationship" with them trough flirting, having sex, or being into a serious relationship. If you're unavailable for the things they want from you, its only normal that they don't talk to you anymore. You choose another person over them, their ego is hurt. Women do that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Sounds like they are trying to be respectful of your new relationship. That is a good thing right? Don't take it personally, be happy you don't have ex drama Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Sounds like they are trying to be respectful of your new relationship. That is a good thing right? Don't take it personally, be happy you don't have ex drama Lost The guy i dated kept on texting me and ask me to hang out as friends. I didnt think it was appropriate, so i declined it politely and tell him we can remain friends but meeting in person is not a good idea for now. The. He stopped texting. Not even a happy birthday on my birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 why did you think texting would be more appropriate then meeting in person? why are you struggling with the concept of not being messaged by an ex ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 The guy i dated kept on texting me and ask me to hang out as friends. I didnt think it was appropriate, so i declined it politely and tell him we can remain friends but meeting in person is not a good idea for now. The. He stopped texting. Not even a happy birthday on my birthday. Well, you told them you would only text with them. Which is why they stopped being your friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 If these are fellas you've dumped, the answer is simple. They know they're you're committed and that they're wasting their time and efforts with you. I wish I could say it's in some way altruistic and respectful to your boyfriend, but it is what it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Well, you told them you would only text with them. Which is why they stopped being your friends! You try so hard to understand others without an understanding of yourself and the impact of your actions. It's like a lack of self-insight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 They are not interested in you. Very VERY few guys will EVER speak to you or pretend to be "your friend" unless they like you, are attracted or want more. Boyfriend or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Well, if they stopped talking to you all at once as soon as they saw/heard you had a boyfriend it can be one of several things ranging from they had hidden agendas to be more than friends and are upset someone else got there to he confronted them and told them to never speak to you again to just a simple respect for you and not wanting to give a wrong impression to the boyfriend. Or maybe something else altogether. The only real thing to do is just corner them and say, "Hey, what's going on? You were always friendly before, is there something I should know about?" If they don't want to talk about it then okay, but maybe they do and it's nothing or something you can easily fix. Who knows. If they're that close you should be able to ask and if they're just on the edges of your crowd a simple hi and moving on past is all you owe them. And if being with your boyfriend hurts them that's too bad for them. They should've spoken up when you were clear and single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Paris...she told them she would no longer see them in person. They opted to go...completely. She expected they would be happy to be texting pals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 If these are fellas you've dumped, the answer is simple. They know they're you're committed and that they're wasting their time and efforts with you. I wish I could say it's in some way altruistic and respectful to your boyfriend, but it is what it is. Yes i dumped them. My ex wants to be exclusive with me. And the guy that i only dated wants nothing more than sex. I was ok with that until my bf came along. The minute my current bf asked me for exclusivity, i told him that and stopped seeing him no matter how much he begged. They both said they want to remain friends. It wasnt even my idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Thanks Paris! Its fine. Im ok with the way we are now. I was just trying to understand men's psychology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 They are not interested in you. Very VERY few guys will EVER speak to you or pretend to be "your friend" unless they like you, are attracted or want more. Boyfriend or not. I wasnt interestsd in knowing if they are interested or not. I wanted to know why they say they want friendship then pull this disappearing act. I am fine either way. I was only curious to know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 why did you think texting would be more appropriate then meeting in person? why are you struggling with the concept of not being messaged by an ex ? Texting is more appropriate because you cannot have sex over text. When you meet in person, everything could change, from their end. I trust myself 100%. Once im into someone i cant see another person in romantic light. And i am not even talking about texting constantly. Why is it so difficult for you to understand that im trying to understand how men think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Because men think pretty much the way women think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 You try so hard to understand others without an understanding of yourself and the impact of your actions. It's like a lack of self-insight. Are you trying to give me advice or what? Everyone on this forum lack of insight in one way or another. Isnt it the whole point of a discussion forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Are you trying to give me advice or what? Everyone on this forum lack of insight in one way or another. Isnt it the whole point of a discussion forum? Really? I don't see that at all. There are several members here with extraordinary insight and self knowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 well how far can one possibly discuss the fact that they thought an occasional text was insufficient grounds for friendship? it isn't a matter of the mysterious male mind. it is a matter of an uninteresting offer on your part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 well how far can one possibly discuss the fact that they thought an occasional text was insufficient grounds for friendship? it isn't a matter of the mysterious male mind. it is a matter of an uninteresting offer on your part. I dont think how far i could discuss or not is your decision to make. If you dont like what you see, you're more than welcome to unfollow this thread. This is a public forum. I have every right to discuss whatever the hell i want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Striker0602 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 If these are fellas you've dumped, the answer is simple. They know they're you're committed and that they're wasting their time and efforts with you. I wish I could say it's in some way altruistic and respectful to your boyfriend, but it is what it is. Agree with this, in all its blunt honesty, and would add that friends dont just text eachother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Striker0602 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I dont think how far i could discuss or not is your decision to make. If you dont like what you see, you're more than welcome to unfollow this thread. This is a public forum. I have every right to discuss whatever the hell i want I think youre misunderstanding Rainy, they are saying that the offer of friendship via text is an uninteresting offer to a person. Its not a mysterious male mind problem you're having, it's a selfish attention problem clouding your view of the situation. Two guys, who have romantic/sexual feelings about you, suggest you become friends when you get a boyfriend. They suggest you do something potentially friendly (or somethin for which they had other motives, which we cant know) and you suggested you be texting buddies while you have a boyfriend. Congratulations on your fidelity, but if you can't be actual friends with someone, dont think a text twice a week is keeping someone in that arena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 i do think the actual question has been answered with sufficient clarity. of course, one can soak up the answer after three pages...or any generous amount of pages they'd feel better suited to their pace. or they can choose to soak up naught, or only that which they find appetizing. it simply sounds like a poor investment: to skirt around the fact (asking for freudian extrapolations on a simple subject) that "sending you a text on b.day, christmas and easter" equals not friendship. You could've just as easily been offering to sell a racoon with a "pedigree bengal" sign. The guys just went : "errr..yeah..no thanks, keep it." the male mind didn't create this disappointing definition of friendship, hence there would be no merit or understanding in dissecting it. i think Striker's hint at selfishness was on point. or at least, self-centredness. aaaand i just know how that's gonna go down. lol. *puts protective gear on* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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