Can't sleep can't eat...falling apart

[tree0826]

Every day one of my two toddlers ask when daddy is coming back. Although I know there is a 2 year protective order in place I continue to tell them they will hopefully see him soon and he loves them very much. The guilt of this is taking a hard toll on me

I haven't slept in weeks...I have lost 20 lbs in a month and sometimes cry uncomfortably in my office at work. I can't seem to get my emotions in check and continue to blame myself for the abuse...maybe I shouldn't have said or done something...idk. I have got to find a way to get thru this. I am solely responsible for these girls now and I need to pull it together for them damn it!

[BigKK]

I think you should be honest with the toddlers that daddy has gone away.

 

You absolutely did the best thing, do you want your children raised in an abusive household and have the cycle be repeated? Stay strong for yourself and your kids and hang in there.

 

 

Is there any free therapy for abuse survivors in your area? I would look into that.

[alldaisies]

Tree, I can relate to your post.

 

Trust me, you did the right things. You are very courageous. Time will help you heal. It is better to cry and feel sick for a while, that for the whole life. It is better that than to make your beautiful children sick. Trust me. This is a woman that did not receive help or advice in time. A woman that spent many years of her life trying to build the balance family she wanted. I was believing that the best for the children is to have their parents togethers (what is still my belief). But the reality is different. I hurt myself and I hurt my children. Then hang in there, look for support, I know there are many resources available for women like us. Ask a professional how you can talk to your toddlers, I believe at that ages should be so difficult.

 

Take care.

[SpottiOtti]

You did the right thing. Whenever you start to feel too overwhelmed by the sadness or the guilt, just let the voice of reason in your head remind you of that.

 

I think what you're feeling is totally normal. I also think you would benefit greatly from talking all of this out with a therapist. Have you looked into any of that in your area? Usually you can get free counseling services through Family Violence Prevention Centers, through Rape Crisis Centers, Battered Women's Shelters, even local universities.

 

Are you able to lean on friends or family for support during this time?

 

Hang in there, you did the right thing. You can do this.

[Movingforward3]

There is hope and help. You can do this. I know it's hard. I would focus on the kids and live for them. You have to be strong and eat and be there for them. Work hard, exercise, eat right, activities, friends, family, etc. I am sorry for your pain. I will help you any way I can.

[DoF]

DO NOT let the past effect your future.

 

What happened in the past is irrelevant. What you do WITH it is what matters!

 

Currently, what you are doing with it is not smart and only sinks you down further. Stop it!

 

Think about it, what you are doing to yourself is LETTING HIM WIN.

 

Be the winner, find the strength withing and let that make you a better person, not worse.

 

You also need to focus on your little ones AND your job, currently BOTH are being effected.

 

Hope that helps, good luck

[ParisPaulette]

Look, right or wrong, you are going through a breakup. ALL breakups suck, no exceptions to that no matter how much healthier we are without someone. That's just life. To that end this breakup guide may help you with some pointers.

 

And I would urge you to get some counseling, even if it's online, even if you just call an abuse hotline to talk to someone. Recovering from an abusive relationship is a whole other kettle of fish and one not always so easily done. I've been there, believe me. I ended up moving out of state to get some distance between us, so I wouldn't cave and go back to the guy at the time. It worked, thankfully.

 

The fact is you need to give yourself time and permission to grieve the end of the relationship you hoped would be there. Not the one that is, not the one where you have a two-year protective order in place, but the one you hoped would exist. It's that death of hope that you're grieving more than a real loss of him. He's an abuser, how could you miss him? Simple answer, you don't really. You miss the parts of him you liked and hoped would stay, the parts of him he led you to believe were who he really is. And isn't.

 

But getting therapy, reading up on abusive relationships, learning how to draw boundaries now for any future interactions with others will protect both you and your girls from walking into another, similar trap.

 

Use this time to grieve, but also use it wisely to work out why or what it was he seemed to offer you that you'd have stayed as long as you did and why you now have trouble letting go.

 

You have totally done the best thing you could for your children and yourself, because sooner or later they would have been targets. Abuse is addictive to an abuser, they like all addicts grow to need more, and that usually means an entire family becomes targeted as time goes on. So yes, you did do the right thing. And now it's time to focus on putting you and your life back together and if you need help doing that reach and get some. You can and will recover from this. You really will.

[SooSad33]

Things will be okay. Good for you for not staying in a bad relationship. No, you NEVER deserve abuse from a partner or anyone.

I've been thru a couple of BU's and it's not always easy. having to do a lot on your own, etc.

 

But, you will adjust in time... it all takes time.

 

I suggest you see your dr about your anxiety issue's. I needed something to calm down too. I was much like you after the BU. Lost weight.. couldnt sleep, etc.

Also talk to your Dr about some therapy to help you out thru this?

 

it'll take some time.. but someday you wil realize what you did, was right.

hang in there.