Boyfriend wants to limit time to 2 days a week

[CED]

When we first started dating he wanted to see me as much as he possibly could, and we'd probably spend 4/5 nights together and skype and we'd still see friends and go to uni/work whatever.

 

We're nearing 2 years together now and as time's gone on we don't skype anymore or have the long phone conversations as expected and we see each other more like 3 days a week, but he will make plans last minute and never really seems worried about not seeing me.

 

Last week I told him about this and he said we'll go out for tea on Wednesday after work and I agreed. It wasn't mentioned again and when Wednesday comes around he texts me saying his friend had just told him there was a football game on and he hadn't played for ages so I let it go and told him to have a nice night. Over our 5 days not spent together he also moved his tv and xbox to this friends house and stayed at his playing video games and smoking pot every night.

 

So I saw him Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning before he went and watched another football match. Before he went he said this week was nice and we should just see each other weekends because it's nice to miss each other.. which hurt a bit as I was expecting him to miss me. It used to be a big thing spending 5 days apart. There were times he'd go on holiday and come straight from the airport to mine in a different city just to see me that night because he missed me. It also hurt since he'd just basically been living with his mate for a week and I don't think he could ever feel like they spent too much time together.

 

We were looking at getting a flat together too but it's confused me considering he wants to start spending only 2 full days which me and 5 with his friend. He also is happy to book a holiday with his mates (3rd one this year) and doesn't plan anything with me. I feel like I have to beg for his time and I feel I'm being very laidback when it comes to him seeing his friends and doing hobbies but I'm starting to feel like a part time girlfriend.. Am i being unreasonable?

[melancholy123]

The novelty of your relationship has worn off for him. Maybe he's not as into you as you are into him, it sure seems like that's how it is. How old are you two? My guess is pretty young if he's still into gaming and smoking weed. Girls mature much faster than boys do, and he seems to be a ways behind you in that regard.

 

You need to think about whether or not you are willing to put up with this or maybe it's time to move on. He's got a case of arrested development.

[sleepingdonut]

It does seem like he's losing interest, and at the same time being passive and dishonest about it. I think it may be normal to see each other a lot at the start of a relationship and then back off some as both people get comfortable, but if he's constantly brushing you off and cancelling plans without really caring about your feelings, that's bad. I wouldn't look at any one incident, but rather the pattern of behaviour over the last few months. If there's a steady pattern of this, it's time to have a talk and maybe move on.

[SooSad33]

"It used to be a big thing spending 5 days apart"

But now he's doing this.... "his friend had just told him there was a football game on and he hadn't played for ages so I let it go and told him to have a nice night. Over our 5 days not spent together he also moved his tv and xbox to this friends house and stayed at his playing video games and smoking pot every night."

 

In the beginning, there's always that 'honeymoon phase'.. and things are great!

Sure, it's good to still have a 'life' outside the relationship (friends, family).. but I think this is a but much..

 

No, you should not be feeling like a p/t girlfriend. He should be 'respecting' you & your relationship more than this.

This is where you need to 'communicate' your feelings & thoughts with him.

 

Might be a good idea to ask about your future's and IF there is going to be one, then he should count you in on his plans.

 

But, then, again. When I was dating someone, I did only see him weekends, as he was busy thru the week. So, that is also acceptable.

 

Do you think the weekends are not enough time spent together?

[Kate221]

I went through something similar and I'd advise you to have the conversation with him. If you were looking at getting a flat together maybe ask him whats happening with that idea now because you're confused because he said he wants to cut down the time you see each other and arent sure where you stand?

 

He shouldnt be feeling too comfortable with you so that he can just drop you and spend a lot more time with his friends. Also you should remember that guys get alot of pressure from their friends when they get into a relationship. His friends may be complaining that they hadnt seen him as much. Either way though he should be old enough and mature enough to realise that his priorities have changed now he has a girlfriend.

 

You should also try and build up your own life as well, try some new hobbies or see your friends more.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[jobelle]

It does seem like he's losing interest, and at the same time being passive and dishonest about it. I think it may be normal to see each other a lot at the start of a relationship and then back off some as both people get comfortable, but if he's constantly brushing you off and cancelling plans without really caring about your feelings, that's bad. I wouldn't look at any one incident, but rather the pattern of behaviour over the last few months. If there's a steady pattern of this, it's time to have a talk and maybe move on.

 

I agree.

 

First I thought the novelty of the relationship was wearing off but canceling plans and brushing you off are big red flags which takes it to a whole new level.

 

It would also be interesting to know how old you guys are.

[Doc Blaze]

where are your friends? I love hanging out with my gf but I also love being able to hang out with my friends.. she feels the same way.

 

 

she does go on small trips with her friends that I don't go on.. Like if they want to have a girls weekend or something.

 

 

 

 

but I feel you should tell him how you feel and see where he is at and how he feels and about the relationship in general

 

 

from there, I would make the decision on what is best for you on your future.

 

 

 

But I don't know if I would be happy if my gf said we can just hang out on the weekend.