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3-5 more years out here then I have decisions to make, stay out here or go home. My job will be complete, my son will be through school and on his own, not sure how I feel about that, happy and excite

I’m a complete idiot. I dared to try one last time and hope for my happily ever after. I should’ve known better. I tried being there as much as I could making time to see her when I was off, giving up weeks of huntin season to spend time with her. Made sure she was taken care of. The one time I asked her to come to me I get left hanging. 2 texts yesterday 1 that she was working the other saying she’d call when she headed out. Since then silence. Been like that for the last couple hitches fewer and fewer phone calls, days between texts. Should’ve known better.

Took my Polaris Ranger in to the shop today, thought it would be a quick change the axle. Found out I was wrong. Friend of mine has done $5000 worth of damage complete front and rear end needs replacing plus all the wheel bearings. Thought I was being nice by letting him use it. That got taken advantage of. No point in asking him to help pay for it. He ain’t got the money for a loaf of bread let alone pay for fixing it. Hell I’m not even going to fix it, no point. I can buy a brand new one for 10k and start over from scratch. Brand new, w/ cab, light bar interior lights and full warranty. Like I said I’m an idiot

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Why can’t you just listen for once? Just once. I’m not good enough for you. I can’t provide you a big fancy house, a beemer, or a man that’s home ever night. Hell I sound like a hick when I talk bc guess what I am one. I won’t ever be able to go out around your friends, so why don’t you find someone that can. Just leave me to the boats, oilfield, my dog and the woods.

 

Guess you finally came to your senses. Hope whoever you end up with is good to you and can provide the kind of living you want. I did everything I could but I knew long time ago it wouldn’t be enough. Take care

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Sheesh what a mess my miserable life is. One girl I’ve wanted back in my life is back in my life but in what way I’m not sure. I sit and stare at suicide memes all night on Pinterest, kinda makes me feel better knowing there are others that feel the same even if they are teenage girls. But hey whatever works right? I hate my life, my job and everything that goes with it. I seldom laugh or smile anymore. I feel like a total failure as a dad.

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Started the 2019/2020 huntin season off right. Feb- huntin conservation season in Mo and Arky, first day in Mo set my little pitiful spread of 400 decoys and my e caller, had a pair, a set of trips and one big wad of snows work my spread but none would commit, buddy called me and told me to come on down to Arky, got there got set up that morning between a roost and a loaving pond, set out 3000 sock decoys was having a great hunt until someone jump shot the loaving pond, ended up killing 26 that morning. Went back the next day set up 400 full bodies and a 1000 or so socks and killed a whopping 5.

Got off the boat in April, went to Al went turkey hunting there, heard 3 gobbling on the roost, that Friday and Saturday they pitched down in the other direction, Saturday one of them got killed, Sunday I called two of them in to 80 yards they saw my hen decoy, locked up and gobbled wouldn’t come any closer. Sunday afternoon me and my dad left for Fl to hunt Osceolas, first thing that morning I had a longbeard fly down and walk out about 70 yards away, should’ve shot him but didn’t. He took out across a cow pasture, we made a move to get on him but didn’t, had a jake come running in to about 30 yards rolled him. Dad had a longbeard come in silent, had his legs stretched out and gun beside him, couldn’t get the shot off. After I killed my turkey down there I went out hog hunting and killed 3 hogs, while my Dad tried to get on a bird that afternoon, he never did. I went with him that next morning a front had rolled through and shut everything down.

Got back to Al Tuesday afternoon, tried the birds at the house Wednesday morning, called them to the edge of the field but they wouldn’t cross the fence, headed out to Ky, got there, relaxed a day or so, hunted opening day, nothing happening a buddy of mine killed a nice longbeard that morning 12” beard 1 1/4” hooks. I headed back to Al. Woke up Sunday morning thought about going but figured it’d be best not to hunt during a tornado. Monday morning a front had rolled through, birds gobbled twice on the roost then nothing. Got up Tuesday morning, got set up, birds started hammering at about 6:30, flew down and shut up. I’d throw out a call ever 10-15 mins at 7:45 two came out. 1 strutter 1 sub bird, I cut loose with a cut, he broke strut and I straight rolled him at 75 yards. Nice bird, 10” beard 1” hooks. Now I’m just waiting on September and bow season. Hope the season continues like it’s been going. Also caught a nice mess of White Perch with my son one afternoon, found a decent shed and a handful of Morels. First time I’ve ever completed the “ Spring Slam”. ed1b5be22499ae019f3bcc5d6cff4e37.jpg52a3d36f2331fe703aa42703db46f842.jpgf46f4a1fdec0cf3523a2931c76faa4c9.jpg3ae06c69c4acf76a42d67d13b7b0bad5.jpg

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Well just thought my season was over. Going to Nebraska when I get off for a shot at a Merriams and I’ve found some public ground in Kansas in case I get lucky and get done early in Nebraska. Wouldn’t that be awesome Osceolas in Fl, Easterns in Al, Merriams in Ne and Rios in KS. A grand slam in the same year

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I think I’ve finally realized what my true destiny is. I think I’m bound to spend the rest of my years alone. I’m ok with that. This past time with Starla finally broke me. I was so there. Ready to give up everything I love, the boat, the sea, travel hunting. Settle down buy us a house, maybe not get married but at least build a future together. But like always things happened. I can’t help but belive that her friends had a lot to do with it. One in particular that’s always been against us. So I think for now and for a long long while, possibly forever I’m out. I’m working overseas any way 60 on 21 off.

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Sittin here on the boat the night before opening day of gun season in Kentucky, thinking back on some good memories.

1st one was my first gun season up there, this was prolly 10 years ago, I left South Alabama at about 8am that Friday morning northbound on I65, once you got north of Montgomery Al you could feel the excitement in the air, nearly all the trucks headed north were pulling atvs and SxS’s treestands sticking up out of the beds like a steel forest, everybody was happy, everybody was excited you could see it in their faces as they passed, you knew how the conversations inside were going, looking at the forecast, deciding where they were going to set up, looking at pictures, the excitement was palpable everybody had one thing one their mind, big whitetail buck deer.

I got to my little camp in White Plains Kentucky, about 2pm, it was on old office in between 8 chicken houses. Couple buddies came over we laughed and had a good time. I’d been up there during bow season in mid October, saw a couple good bucks, but had never hunted the November Rut. I got set up the next morning overlooking a 40 acer cut corn field, had a stud of a 9 come out prolly 135-140 type deer but passed him bc I wanted a 170, got out of the stand about 10, ride to uncle lees to see what had been brought in, on the way back I saw my 170 absolute giant of a buck. That was my introduction in to Midwest whitetail hunting.

The next year, I’m up there huntin, buddy of mine calls me and asks if I can help him skin a deer his wife shot, what that means is Trae would you skin this deer, I don’t feel like it and I know you enjoy it, so I did, ended up skinnin 5 or 6 that night, lost my phone had to go buy another one, called mom later that next day excited as I could be, I told her “I’ve been up to my eyeballs in deer hides and guts, I couldn’t be happier”.

The next year, I’d been huntin hard, got off the boat, drove to Ky, dropped my ranger off, headed to Illinois, hunted there 4 days, drove back, started huntin Ky, grunted in a nice buck, couldn’t tell much about him other than he was a good deer. Didn’t see much the next couple days, few small bucks some slicks, nothing I wanted to shoot. Opening day of gun season rolls around weather changes, it’s hot. No movement, the next day same story, hot, windy, but it’s November and the bucks are on their feet looking for love. I’m Sittin in my stand it’s 1pm haven’t seen nothing since daylight, so I decide to eat, I lit a smoke, opened my sandwich, got a drink out of my pack just started eating, when he comes strolling through, I knew it was a good deer from a quick glance, threw down my sandwich, dropped my smoke, picked up my gun, he came to an open spot, I stopped him with a quick MEH, got him in my scope, only had one shot and about half a second to do it, squeezed the trigger and down he went. 135” 9 point, if his right side would’ve matched his left he’d have been 150” deer.

The next year, a buddy of mine from Fl got on the lease, he asked me where to go, I told him where to sit, not 2 hours after that he sends me a text that he got one, his first buck was a 140” clean 8. We went back there the next day I killed a 120” 10.

My favorite memory I think, if not a close second, a guy I’d met on a hunting forum and had been helping out as much as I could through messages, killed his first deer. He sent me a text just beside himself, then told me he was going to try to skin it. I asked if he’d ever done it before, he said no, but he’d watched YouTube videos, I just laughed and said just don’t. Gave him my address and told him to bring it to my house (by that time I’d moved up there) and I’d show him how to do it. This guy pulls up and when he got out of his truck, I could tell he was so excited but also totally socially inept, it was a weird combination of excitement and anxiety at being around folks he’d never met, but, we all congratulated him, told him it was a fine buck, one to be proud of, tried our best to make him feel at home in our group if only for an hour or so, then I showed him the right way to skin a deer.

My best memories though are of me and Thomas hunting together, his first deer, his first buck, all great times that I’ll forever hold dear to my heart

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3-5 more years out here then I have decisions to make, stay out here or go home. My job will be complete, my son will be through school and on his own, not sure how I feel about that, happy and excited for him for sure, but at a loss for me. If I stay out here I’ll upgrade to a bigger license and go overseas and just stay, wont be but a few more years Coal will be gone, my dad will too, Thomas will be grown and have a family of his own, I’ll really have no reason to come home

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3-5 more years out here then I have decisions to make, stay out here or go home. My job will be complete, my son will be through school and on his own, not sure how I feel about that, happy and excited for him for sure, but at a loss for me. If I stay out here I’ll upgrade to a bigger license and go overseas and just stay, wont be but a few more years Coal will be gone, my dad will too, Thomas will be grown and have a family of his own, I’ll really have no reason to come home

 

Made my decision, submitted paperwork to apply to test for my big license. Hopefully test in late March / Early April.

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