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Ok, so not sure what to do here except write things down. If someone reads it, cool. If not, that's cool too.

Basically I'm just layin here in my rack waitin for my night night pills to kick in, which they will here in a few I reckon. I'm layin here reminiscing on my life. Sometimes I think it's not all that great. But then again other times I know I've had a great life that so few ppl ever get to lead like I have. Grew up in a great family, in an awesome place. When my mom split, it was best for everyone. She had her life to live, she wasn't happy in small town USA, that's cool, we all have our own destinies in life and we gotta follow the road that it takes us down. She spilt when I was 5, 1st grade. After that she wasn't around much. At first it was every other weekend like I figure the divorce papers said. After that she moved on up to Tennessee, so she came around once maybe twice in the school year and maybe a week or so during the summer. So that left me and my dad trying to figure it out on our own w/ a little guidance from Granny and Bruce. Of course after a while my dad remarried to his wife. But for reasons of having combined 2 families in to one, the whole living together as one big happy family didn't work out at all, so she and her son moved back to their house accross the county. During the summers, I'd spend the days up at Granny and Bruce's house while my dad was at work. As I got a little older he started traveling to sell trailers to keep the company going. Lord he worked hard. He'd be gone a week, home a week. Granny would come pick me up from school, take me home where I'd grab my shotgun, jump on the four wheeler and head off in the woods during the winter and go shoot 1 squirrel every afternoon. I'd bring it home, so proud of it. Bruce would help me skin it, then Granny would cook it.

During the summer I'd wake up, eat breakfast, then grab my dad's old .22, my hatchet, and my possible bag, and head to the woods. I thought I had to chop down a tree everyday. Now if y'all know about choppin w/ a hatchet you know it ain't gonna be a very big tree, but still I thought I had to do it, so I did.

6th grade year I had this great idea to go live w/ my mom. She lived on a big lake in South Carolina, the fishing was off the chain, but everything else sucked. When I came home Christmas that year, my best friend had rode up there w/ my dad to come get me. After we got home, my mom called to tell me she was moving back to Tennesse. I could either stay in Alabama or move to,Tennesse. Needless to say, I stayed. That year my dad got me my first big rifle, it was a Marlin lever action 30-30 w/ a taco 4x32 on it. Man I thought I was big time then.

By the time deer season rolled around I had that gun drivin tacks at 100 yards. I won't never forget it, it was my 7th grade year. I had already killed one deer w/ my dad the year before, but never one on my own, I'd been huntin every afternoon after school, we had gotten out early for thanksgiving vacation. I had been sitting my stand all afternoon, it had done got dark, so I was walking home, kickin dirt clods, whistling just being a kid. I came around the corner of the field, looked up and there was 2 deer standing there not 50 yards away. I pulled my gun up, and shot. Tbh I thought I had missed, so I started walking on. Then I looked up and there she was just layin there graveyard dead. I hooped and hollered, went running up to the house yellin Bruce Bruce Bruce, busted in the house out of breathe just beside my self. I looked at Bruce and told him I got one!!!! So we went and got it then skinned it. I think that was the best deer meat I've ever ate.

Anyway back to what I was originally saying before I got sidetracked. I grew up,w/ a great family. But from the end of that story on, I was fully devoted to deer huntin and fishin. I'm gettin tired so I'm going to sum this up, otherwise it'll take all the night.

As I said before, I have a great family, I've got an awesome son, I had the privilege to learn how to commercial fish from some of the true legends on the Florida Gulf coast, while it was down there working deck. True legends, Don Morell, Big Joe McCkinney, Celave Sauls, Wendall Sauls, Cottontop, Goofaloo, the list goes on and on. I've rode out some of the wildest storms on boats anywhere from 32' to 250'. I heard the call of the sea and I answered her willingly. Folks if the sea ever calls you and you answer, and you will, there's no denying her call. You'll never go back to a land job. Once the sea gets a hold of you, you get it in your blood, there's nothing you'd rather be doing than be on a boat somewhere out there. I've commercial fished from Tampa Fl to Brownsville Tx and back again. Caught most everything that swims in the gulf. Spent months at a time on a Supply Boat offloading and back loading deck cargo, pumping the rigs liquid mud, fuel, potable water, completion fluid. Pumping dry bulk like Gel, Barite, and sand.

I've got to hunt all over the southeast and Midwest, places like Adams, Pike, and Schylar county Illinois, Abanoose County in Iowa, Christian, Hopkins, Muhlenberg, Trigg, Caldwell, Webster and Ballard counties in Kentucky. Somewhere along the lines I've met some awesome ppl, made some really great friends. Loved and lost some of the most extraordinary women. Seen sights a lot of folks never get too see. Cut cornfields so big you can stand on one side and not see the other. Sunrises and sunsets over the water so beautiful words can't describe them and pictures don't do them justice.

After all these years, a couple years ago somewhere subconsciously I decided it was gettin on time to settle down, so that's what I did. After me and the ex broke up, I took a few months to myself, played around a little, asked one of my friends out on a date, she agreeded thankfully. Now a year and some change later, I've got the best job I could ever ask to have, live in one of the prettiest little towns in Kentucky, engaged to a truly great woman, have a good relationship w/ my dad and my son, have 2 soon to be step kids.

After many years of living out there on the edge, doing battles w/ drugs, depression and thoughts of suicide, I can finally say I've found my home and I'm extremely happy.

If anybody reads this, and is considering suicide, please for all that is holy, take 5 mins, think about what's good in your life. No matter how bleak it looks, no matter what has brought you to that point, think just for few mins, study your life real hard, bc there is always something worth living for.

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3-5 more years out here then I have decisions to make, stay out here or go home. My job will be complete, my son will be through school and on his own, not sure how I feel about that, happy and excite

29 more hours left on this boat then it's time to put this hitch in the books. Ready to get off here, buy me a couple shot bottles of coconut rum to mix in my coke when I get to the camp. Meet my dad there see if we can shoot a few ducks, then riddin on to South Alabama seein the youngun spend the weekend with him, then headin on home to Western Kentucky seeing my fiancé, huntin ducks and maybe even relaxin some. Then headin over to Arkansas to hunt some more ducks and see my mom. Then comin back to work

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  • 2 weeks later...

1 more duck hunt for this time off unless I get back to Alabama in time to slip off down to the beaver pond to try and shoot a woodie Tuesday afternoon. Been a great time off spent time w/ my son, fiancée, step kids, and friends. Watched my son miss a deer, shoot his first dove, killed 2 deer myself, few doves. Watched The Crimson Tide roll right on over Florida, watched over 1000 mallards, pintails, gadwalls, black ducks, and widgeons light 50 yards from me in a flooded milo field for 20 mins. Kicked them up, let them get out of the field then started shooting them as they flew back over, killed my first Blackduck, spent many hours in the duck blind w/ a very good friend not killing nothing just enjoying watching the ducks fly, killed a mess of Pheasants for supper one night. Watched my dad get fired back up one morning in the swamp when we had a group of 40-50 teal buzz right over the decoys. So got my hamburger meat made for the year from the 2 deer I killed, need 2 more, 1 for sausage 1 for summer sausage, got 2 more birds for the wall, got to watch the sun come up over the swamps, fields, and woods. Life is great

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1st pic is of me and my soon to be step daughter, 2nd pic is my black duck, 3rd pic is after one duck hunt other pics are of duck holes[ATTACH]10836[/ATTACH][ATTACH]10837[/ATTACH][ATTACH]10838[/ATTACH][ATTACH]10839[/ATTACH][ATTACH]10840[/ATTACH]

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When I was in the spotlight thread I was asked what all I think about when I'm on watch at night. Well last night was my first night back and this has been on my mind for a couple days actually. I feel like I've been blessed no I know I've been blessed way more than I should've been. I've got a great job an even better family than I deserve. My fiancé, son, and step kids and friends are better than any man could ask for

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Plans for when I get off.

First 2 days Panama City beach hunting the bay for diver ducks

First Saturday hunting lake Seminole for diver ducks mainly Canvas backs and redheads

First Sunday- might go deer huntin then head out to Mo for a goose hunt

Monday- goose/duck hunt in Mo

Tuesday- Friday duck hunt in the swamp w/ a couple buddies

Final weekend off- duck hunt at a buddy of mines house in North Al Monday and Tuesday either duck or deer hunt

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What a season, started out in March turkey huntin, hunted March, April and first part of May for turkeys, took off June and July to chase Largemouth Bass and White Perch, started back hog huntin in August, deer and duck in September this fall/winter I've gone from swatting 'sketters and watching for rattlers, cottonmouths and copperheads, to this past week battling sub freezing temps, snow, running ice eaters and busting ice to get in the blind. Now going to shift gears for the next couple days see if I can kill a big Ol southern Alabama buck, then get ready to shift gears again and start hunting Snows and Blues in March.

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I've got the hardest conversation I'll ever have coming up when I get off this time. I've got to tell my mom it's ok to let go. She told me last time I was there that she was afraid she was too far gone to make a come back this time. This is so going to suck, but maybe it's for the best. I know she's hurting both physical and emotionally. She misses Floyd, they had a love I can't even start to comprehend and she deserves to be happy again

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Well I'm bout drunkern a coon dog that's been eatin mash so screw it. I failed yet again!!! I couldn't bring myself to tell my mom that it was ok to let go if she was ready. Reckon I'm just plain selfish. I've been drinkin fireball and it's got me to feelin about right. Sittin here actually layin here watching No Strings Attached great movie. But anyway I'm about a total screw up. I've totally let my dad down over the course of the past 38 years. I'm no where near what he expected of me. I was suspposed to grow up marry my now ex wife and have a kid which I did all that, but I screwed that all up when my gypsy soul answered the seas call and I left the shop, and answered that call by way of Panama City Beach, and the charter boats at Capt Anderson's marina then on to the commercial boats catching all kinds of big red scaleys, copperbellies, beeliners, amberjacks, big Ol Saughead Reds, Scamps, wahoos, yellow edge groupers, tile fish, and every other fish that swims that can be caught and sold. Then I took my happy ass to the oilfield then on my off time commenced to traveling. Had a second chance at a family, screwed that up too. Been a total screw up as a dad, I've got a great youngun but he's got a total f up of a dad. I've got one more chance at this whole family thing w/ my current fiancé but give it time and I'll screw that up too just wait and see. I'm really good at screwing crap up. And really I wonder what's the point in all this. Why not just stick a gun to my head and end the screw ups. I'm certinaly not lackin in firepower here, but that would be the biggest screw up of all. So I won't be doing that. I love my Ol lady but lord she's insecure and wants me right up her butt when she's off and it bout drives me nuts. I love being w/ her but there are times I want some me time.

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You'll never know how close I came today to not ever embarrassing you again. I'm so sorry I've been such a pos son. After next hitch im going away, I'm going back to Ky, I won't be back for a while, I won't be back to embarrass you, or my son. I'd have never told my son that he's an embarrassment to his son. I'm sry I'm not what you wanted me to be. Hope one day you can overlook the fact that I didn't follow in your footsteps like I should have. I know you were raised getting belittled by granny and Bruce so it's just your way. I should be used to it by now but when you put me down by saying my own son is embarrassed by me, that just killed me.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I feel like I'm a complete fake. Don't get me wrong I love my Ol lady, but if she was to want to walk I'd just shrug my shoulders and walk away. Worse part of that would be loosing Taylor and my dog,

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I'm sittin here at my Ol wore out trailer house been sittin by a fire sippin on some fireball, talkin to the Ol lady, halfway listenin, pettin the dog, had a friend and his son stop by before dark and shoot the bull w/ us for a while talkin about duck and goose huntin. And it just strikes me on the strangeness of life and the roads you travel down. 10 years ago I'd heard of White Plains Ky bc I was workin deck on a charter boat in Panama City Beach for a guy from here. At that point in my life I couldn't imagine doin nothin else but fishin for a livin, then I met an Ol girl on MySpace and she talked me in to goin to the oilfield. That was the best thing anybody ever did for me. I came up here for a funeral and knew within moments I had found home. Now 7-8 years later here I am livin here, got an old 1993 16x80 mobile home that I'm livin in on my off time and a lab pup in my lap. My old trailer ain't much and it flat sure ain't pretty, but, it was paid for the day I moved in. So I've got no complaints.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm bouncing off the flipping walls right now, crew change is 44 hours out and I'm ready to get off this beer can on steroids and take my happy butt to the house, plus it's 12 weeks and 3 days till it's finally huntin season again.

This time off I'm picking up my brackets for my boat blind, got my light bar and port lights coming in about the time I get home, so I'll be able to get the lighting finished and get the blind built. Ended up getting a 42" 560watt 5d curved Cree lightbar for the bow and of course green/red led light strips for the side lights. Plus me and Thomas are going to Eufaula for the weekend for a mini vacation. Get to see my dog and see how his training is coming along. Gonna put out mineral and trail cams in Al and Ky, get my bow sighted in, finish gettin my mallard dekes flocked and get started on my goose decoys. Gotta build a skinnin rack out beside my house, all kinds of cool things to keep me busy on my off time.

Yesterday was talking to my dad on the way offshore and we settled on some dates for a duck hunt in the swamps of Lousianna. It's going to be me, him and my son on a two day duck hunt, maybe we will kill something, maybe we won't don't matter either way. I'm also looking forward to next time off, got all the guys coming up for a work day at the lease, mow the food plots, fix the stands, mark the trails real good, 4 wheeler trails marked in orange tape and reflectors, trails to stands marked in bright green tape and white reflectors.

The next time off will be go time!!!! Slip in the woods way before daylight just me and Coal go get set up on the wood duck hole, kill my 3 wood ducks right quick, throw them in the cooler, put Coal in the dog box make sure he's got plenty of water, grab my bow get set up on some white oaks deer hunt till about 10, go get Coal, change shot size and go hunt squrilles for a few hours before climbing back in my tree stand for the afternoon

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I'm sittin actually laying on my couch here in my wore out old trailer house and my mind is just way out yonder right now. I'm not drunk haven't had a drink in over a week. Just saw a post on a FB group saying that heaven is a place where all the pets you've loved come running up to you, while I hope that's true too, I read a book a few years ago Heaven is Real. In it a little boy died and went there and saw his little sister that was never born bc of a miscarriage. I can only hope that's true, me and Starla had 3 that miscarried over the course of our first year together. One set of twins, one single. Twins lasted 4 months the single only 2. I can only hope that they are with my grandparents I hope they know they are loved and although me and Starla are not together they are never far from my mind. Too many what ifs too much left undone and unsaid. I hope I get to meet them one day and untill then I hope they mind Granny and Bruce.

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