hangcool Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hi All, I have been with my gf for about 10 months until she broke up with me last Saturday. Just a little story about us so you guys can have an idea of our relationship. When we first got together in December of last year, everything was sweet but after only a month, we started arguing. It got from bad to worse. At the start, we would just argue and she would stay around and argue and sort things out. After a while, she will start packing up her stuff and threaten to leave my house. I would of course try to persuade her to stay and it got very heated. Subsequently she would actually leave the house, start hanging up on me and then completely blocking me on the phone, whatsapp and also deleting me from facebook. She has these mood swings and sometimes when we chat, if I didn't hear what she said and asked her to repeat it, she would just explode. These have been a weekly / bi-weekly routine now. I don't assume to be a perfect guy but I live my life the way I have always been. Only a month after being together, she started telling me that I am not allowed to play any computer games, need to read books etc etc. I feel a cage slowly going around me. I tried to keep her happy at the start and attempted to refrain from these activities that she doesn't like. After a while though, the temptation got the better of me and I started playing games and no doubt she went into a fit of rage. I tried explaining to her that everyone has different hobbies and I'm not exactly doing anything bad. At some point she agreed that yes I can play games if it helps me relax so I was quite relieved at this stage. Going forward though, everytime we argue, she would complain about me playing games along with belittling me about everything else e.g being useless, not a man, childish, not improving myself, wasting money on cars, playing games. Some of these are true as they are my hobbies but others are not. These arguments always lead to breaking up and completely begging me. Usually takes a few days of me apologizing to get her back. Like I said, I am not perfect but I feel a double standard here. She would complain that I play with my phone all the time which is very untrue. When I told her that she is on the phone all the time, she always has an excuse saying its because she is bored when she is with me or she is just chatting to her parents. In my eyes, its the same thing. Also the latest breakup, she started posting her profile and photos back on the dating website. When I confronted her about this, she said she is not going out with anyone and she knows exactly what she is doing. She got pretty annoyed and said that I don't trust her so I can only assume she is trying to piss me off. However she is constantly accusing me of having a secret gf or asking girls out on a date when I was with her which is completely untrue. I went to her house unannounced a few days after our latest break up. I said I wanted to have a chat to her and will wait for her downstairs. She got extremely annoyed saying she feels threatened and she hates me even more now. She even said she will call the police on me. I told her I am just waiting in case she changes her mind. I wasn't expecting anything, just thought I'd wait. It was cold that night as well and I was freezing outside. After hanging about for 2 hours and some msg exchange on whatsapp, she finally said she had enough and proceeded to block me and so I left. When I got home, I sent her a long email which she replied saying she isn't going to read it. The next day, she unblocked me in the morning on whatsapp. She didn't send me any messages during the day and in the evening, she sent me a long email in dot form with things that are wrong with me and areas I should be improving. She ended the email with don't ruin her life and she wont give me another chance. I replied to her on whatsapp saying thanks for the email. I haven't spoken to her since and I remain unblocked. I have gone through the process of apologizing and getting her back and honestly I am really going tired of it. I feel that I cannot be myself when I am around her and I cannot do the things I enjoy at all. I just wanted everyone's opinion on why she unblocked me and then sends me an email saying she wont give me another chance. I have also had thoughts about our future together. I foresee great difficulty ahead if we were to get together. I am not wearing the pants in the house literally and its almost like I have a leash on me. My logical deduction tells me I have to move on but my emotional side finds it hard to give her up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 You were not compatible in the least, she also sounds hyper-critical and very demanding. I think she pushed you to see what she could get away with. Telling you that you can't play computer games, for example, is just ludicrous. However, it's all irrelevant now if she's left you and you're reduced to sitting outside her home in the cold waiting to speak to her. She is mentioning calling the cops quite legitimately, your behaviour has turned in to creepy stalker territory and if you're not careful you'll end up with a restraining order. Just let it go, unblocking/ blocking on phones/social media means jack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I know sometimes people (mostly girls) use words like "break up" and "divorce" when they are merely angry and will say they don't mean it in a day or two. Rather childish in my opinion but I can get it messes with peoples' heads and makes them wonder whether the break-up is real or not. So, in my opinion, you were right to seek clarification from her as to whether it was a real break-up or angry outburst. You can now safely assume it really is over. In fact, she sounds a right control freak to me and you're better off without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 If you can afford it I would seek professional help in the form of a therapist and figure out why you put up with this behavior She should of been long gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 "After a while, she will start packing up her stuff and threaten to leave my house. I would of course try to persuade her to stay and it got very heated. Subsequently she would actually leave the house, start hanging up on me and then completely blocking me on the phone, whatsapp and also deleting me from facebook. She has these mood swings and sometimes when we chat, if I didn't hear what she said and asked her to repeat it, she would just explode." - Immature behaviour. "Only a month after being together, she started telling me that I am not allowed to play any computer games, need to read books etc etc. I feel a cage slowly going around me. I tried to keep her happy at the start and attempted to refrain from these activities that she doesn't like." - Controlling "Going forward though, everytime we argue, she would complain about me playing games along with belittling me about everything else e.g being useless, not a man, childish, not improving myself, wasting money on cars, playing games." - Emotional abuse. "I have gone through the process of apologizing and getting her back and honestly I am really going tired of it" - Stop. You owe her nothing. What YOU need to do here is realize you deserve someone who respects you and doesn't nit pick at everything you do in your Life. Someone who accepts you for who you are. "My logical deduction tells me I have to move on but my emotional side finds it hard to give her up." - Because of HER control over you and belittling you, she made you feel like dirt! You have to re-gain your self respect and push her to the curb! To realize you deserve much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 When we first got together in December of last year, everything was sweet but after only a month, we started arguing. I just wanted everyone's opinion on why she unblocked me and then sends me an email saying she wont give me another chance. I have also had thoughts about our future together. I foresee great difficulty ahead if we were to get together. I am not wearing the pants in the house literally and its almost like I have a leash on me. My logical deduction tells me I have to move on but my emotional side finds it hard to give her up. Why would you stay at the one-month mark if you started arguing? It doesn't matter why she unblocked you. Just get out. Figure out why you were thriving on drama. And block her totally, on everything. Your "emotional side" is really your "codependent side." This situation sounds really, really unhealthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hangcool Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thanks for the reply people. I really appreciate it. I have actually gone to see a psychologist about this when she broke up with me a few months ago. Things were going well when she was going overseas for a month or so. The day I sent her to the airport, everything was still sweet but about 3 days later she started turning cold and after 5 days she said its over. We still kept in contact through whatsapp but her replies were short, mostly one two word replies. I was absolutely devastated and went to seek professional help. It did make me feel a little better but after she came back, we did get back again. I told her that we should go together to see the psychologist together and see if we can try and better our relationship. Her response was she knows what she is doing and doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do. Continuing saying psychologist is a joke etc etc so we didn't really end up going. Yes I absolutely agree that she is very controlling and when I do confront her about this, she will just say she just cares about me and wants me to do the right thing. I mean I'm not out there robbing banks or doing drugs and I don't think I am doing anything bad in particular. If I ever have to buy something, I have to be careful and think about whether I should tell her or not. I once got a fine fot my car being too loud. Long story short, she was furious and we got into this argument and she decided to break up with me. I told her that I have never asked a cent from her and I never have and never will but it just wasn't good enough for her. She would not accept this and basically car modifications are off the list now. The reason I stayed after the 1 month mark, well the arguments were there but it wasn't that bad. She became drastically more critical after she came from that overseas trip. I also wouldn't consider myself having a stalker behaviour. I have only done this twice in the 10 months that I was with her. Both times were when she broke up with me and I just wanted to go see her and work things out. Both times she never came down so I left. I had no intention of getting physical. I have never lifted a finger on any girl in my life and I won't ever but this girl really knows how to push my button and many times tried pushing me over the line. She has told me that a few years ago, she went to see a psychologist because she has anger issues. She would always tell me that she is much better now than before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambreaux405 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 She unblocked you because she wants you to be able to beg for her back. She's expecting it. She probably thrives off of the power it gives her when you do so. I'd block her and move on. Girls like her give us all a bad name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 She unblocked you because she wants you to be able to beg for her back. She's expecting it. She probably thrives off of the power it gives her when you do so. I'd block her and move on. Girls like her give us all a bad name. Spot on, Ambreaux. This guy need to block HER on all channels and mean it. She's got mental health issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hangcool Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I have sent her an email saying thanks and that I am moving on. Hope I can make it through this tough time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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